THE WAY THEY WORK IN AMERICA.

New Zealand Graphic, Volume XI, Issue 50, 16 December 1893, Page 528

THE WAY THEY WORK IN AMERICA.

A well dressed, smooth faced young man, whose card bore the name of a prominent newspaper, was shown in, and he took out a notebook and pencil, and said : • Yon are J. D. Blank, president of the Q and V Railway, hull name, please.' • Young man, have you any business with me !' sharplydemanded the official. ‘ I have sir. lam the obituary editor of the Flier. You will die within the next few years, and we want your obituary so that all we will have to do is to go to the pigeonhole marked “B " and take it out when the time comes. I want your photo, of eonrse. Please give me the full name, age, birthplace, a brief history of your early struggles, date of marriage, name of wife, and so forth, and so forth.’ The official turned red and white, and gapped for breath, and the young man coldly continued : ‘ We want about a quarter of a column, including cut, which I guarantee to do you full justice. Whieh cemetery are you likely to be buried in! What's your religion? Have you made your will! Do you own a vault or only a lot ! Going to have a monument, or only a common headstone! Troubled with any disease likely to carry you off suddenly! Strictly temperate or only so so! Belong to any societies, and what church do you attend ! How manychildren !' The president pointed to the door. • Yes—urn. But business is business. Likely to have a big funeral ! What shall I say you are worth, clear of all debts! Honest, upright, and beloved by all, of course! Self-made man, kind husband, and fond father. Our loss is his gain. Got a passable photo of yourself lying around the shanty V ‘Young man, go out !’ shouted the president ; * go out, or I’ll have you put out.’ ‘ You won't give me no advance obit. !’ ‘ No, sir.’ • No photo !’ ‘ No, sir.' • Don’t want no enlo. when you shuttle off!’ ‘ No, sir.’ ‘ Sorry yon feel that way, but I’m fixed for it. In case of your demise we ll use a photograph of thesporter downstairs and work over tbe history of the engine driver who was killed a month ago! Got to have these things, you know, and the Flier never gets left on a pigeon hole obituary. Good day, sir !’

She : • Do you really mean what you say !’ He : ‘ I swear by those sweet eyes and rosy lips—’ She : ‘ Very well ; you’ve sworn, now why don’t you kiss the book !’