OUR LEGISLATORS.

New Zealand Graphic, Volume XI, Issue 34, 26 August 1893, Page 130

OUR LEGISLATORS.

SIDE LIGHTS ON THEMSELVES AND THEIR LITTLE WAYS. SARCASTIC SNAP SHOTS FROM THE LADIES’ GALLERY. (BY BIRDS’-EYE.) TIS a great institution this of Parliament. With its various advantages so constantly in evidence, he must be a constitutional sceptic who would fail to recognise its beneficial character. Note, however, that the prosaic being who regards this * Palladium of our Liberties ’ as a mere means of securing the good government of the country is not in a state of mind to appreciate it. To do so fully one must have a mind untrammelled by old-fashioned prejudices. It is a great educational institution, a school (No, sir, I was not about to say ‘ school for scandal ’; but if there be M.H.R.S —and, mind you, I don’t say there are not—who find such pabulum suited to their constitution, is not this a free country ?) a school, I said. Now I don’t mean precisely a school of elocution. And yet, where is the man with soul so dead as not to perceive the advantages derivable by our embryo public speakers from a careful study of the oratorical models here presented to their respectful attention ? It was THE MEMBER FOR RANGITIKEI, I think, who said in one of his re-cessional speeches that twenty honest men could easily manage all the legislation required by this young country. (This conviction, be it noted, does not prevent him drawing an annual £240 as one of the superfluous fifty-four.) Were the people to endorse this theory the result would be an immediate saving to the colony of some thousands per annum. But ponder what Wellington would lose in such a case. Surely, in comparison with the rich melodious flow of jewelled sentences by which such skilful rhetoricians as Hogg, Taylor, Buckland, Buchanan, Fergus, Fraser and Co., enchain night after night the rapt attention of the House and galleries, a few paltry thousands are but as dust in the balance. But it is less in respect of its effect upon the rhetorical style of our budding youth than in its influence upon public morals that this institution is to be regarded as a school. There was an old person once—in the light of latter-day wisdom how foolish he seems—who declared that ‘ righteousness exalteth a nation.’ By * righteousness ’ I take it that be meant right doing. But should anyone be found to day so much behind the times, and so ignorantly bold, what would happen him? Why, if he were an M. H. R. the member for Te Aroha would say he was * high faintin’ * on a * peddigal !’ and the bigb-souled Fish would hiss him for a fanatic. For we have outgrown that simple philosophy—the majority of us, at any rate. We know—for have not the Leaders shown us—that PARTY HAS HIGHER CLAIMS THAN RIGHT, and that sincerity is the attribute of a simpleton. The old watchwords are not yet wholly abjured, bnt the time is coming ; and, meanwhile, the day of simples is over, and our honesty, like our other qualities, is a mixed article. Mixed, too, after the * Matteian ’ method, on the principle of first, second, and third dilutions. Thus a grain goes a long way ; which, after all, only proves that we are keeping pace with the times. Until one finds all this out, the methods of the place are confusing. A stranger from the

blessed verdancy of the country is apt to be misled. He never dreams of double shuffle, but takes all he hears for gospel, and fancies all things what they seem, than which there is no greater fallacy. As a matter of fact NO ONE HERE CALLS A SPADE A SPADE, at least not after his first session. When an M. H. R. says a spade, he means a hoe, and vice versa. Now consider the advantages of such a mode of speech. Does it not follow as the night the day that speech will eventuate in action ? Was ever donble-tongue found save in the mouth of a double-dealer? What follows then? And who will catalogue the advantages which will accrue to us when we have taken our lesson to heart and developed into A NATION OF DOUBLE-SHUFFLERS? The subject is a fascinating one, but there are some more pressing which will prevent my pursuing it further to-day. On a bench immediately below my present chair sits the member of all here most distinguished—that is, he sits when he isn’t standing, or walking, or lying down, or lounging, or wriggling, all of which he is doing pretty often.

Sir Robert Stout in a moment of repose (from an instantaneous photograph). SIR ROBERT CAN’T SIT STILE. Sir Robert Stout can do many things, and compass many others ; but there’s one thing he can’t do for his life, and that is sit still for five minutes at a stretch. For a big man he has a wonderfully sensitive nervous organisation. This is constantly in evidence. You see it in the perpetual shifting of his position—a place of rest he cannot find ; you hear it in his irritable cries of * Order 1 Order !’ and he brings it into clearer view in bis angry retorts upon those who interrupt him or otherwise wound his sensibilities. This extreme irritability, this supersensitiveness places him at a great disadvantage in Parliament; for no man may hope successfully to manage men whose own nervous system is unmanageable, and it is understood that Sir Robert has not for ever resigned all ambition in that direction. He is sitting, just at this moment, with bis back to me, writing letters. As one would expect, he has an immense correspondence which his power of concentration enables him to read and reply to without, apparently, losing a word of what is going on. Immersed he may seem in a legal-look-ing document, but let someone drop a word offensive to his amour propre, or even mis-state a fact in bygone Parliamentary proceedings, and his ears prick up instantly, while the ready tongue snaps out correction. That he is

A MAN OF UNCOMMON INTELLECTUAL FACULTY and of rare powers of expression everybody knows ; a man he is of commanding presence, too, passable enough as to looks, though bis expression is spoiled by an odd creasing at the outer corners of the eyes which gives him a * smirky ’

look not at all winning. He has an immense head whose proportions are but little obscured by the thin long strands of hair so carefully guided over and glued to his pate. (Query, who would have imagined mental KINSHIP BETWEEN THE SENIOR MEMBER FOR AUCKLAND AND THE KNIGHT OF INANGAHUA, yet both alike are ashamed of Time’s ravages, and both alike appear able to delude themselves that they are deluding the public with those carefully-glued strands of hair. If they only knew how funny they look when • their brows are wet with honest sweat,’ and the long hairs hang down like rats’ tails behind one ear they wonld, like another member, invest in a wig straight away. Such an acquisition would add materially to the interest which all the world feels in both.) What a great possession is high intellectual faculty. Sir Robert Stout has it undeniably. You feel it in his presence. You are conscious that in that respect the House is distinctly poorer in his absence. He is not to be ignored, and can’t be snuffed out. Many men as big, some bigger, sit in their places and come and go ; but you neither see them when there, nor miss them when absent. But you can’t help seeing him ; he is a great fact. Better, perhaps, were his abilities of a humbler order since he is the man he is. I am thinking now of that petulant irritability which, unless he conquers it, will always militate against his success as a leader. He has other disqualifications also, say some who love him not, bnt this one is most in evidence. It is difficult to see exactly what will be the outcome of his presence in Parliament. Were placidity of temperament and suavity of manners united to his other qualifications, it needs no prophet to foretell what would happen. An advanced wing of the democratic party wonld soon carry all before it, for ambition is not dead within him, and it is easy to see that HE THINKS HIMSELF SMARTER THAN ALL THE PRESENT MINISTERS put together, and it is, just now, the policy of Her Majesty’s Opposition to ‘ confirm him in that opinion.’ Not content with assuring him that he * completely overshadows * ministers, that he * simply dwarfs each and all of them,’ that he is their * guiding spirit,’ that it is * intolerable that he should be permitted to occupy such an anomalous position,’ etc., etc., they also fawn on and flatter him, pay

him open court, defer to his opinion, seek to rouse his jealousy, and generally do their level best to make mischief. It’s my belief that their disinterested desire to * serve the sountry ’ is so great that they would jerrymander party limitations, and DEPOSING HALSWELL THE * UNREADY,’ ELEVATE INANGAHUA, the ■ too ready,’ in his place. Meanwhile the distinguished Dnnedinite is an element ’of discord ; a tact no less potent than disquieting; and his presence in the House is a perpetual menace to Ministers. His presence here is also a continual source of irritation, not to say exasperation, to that pure-minded patriot, his fellow citizen Fish, not to mention that other free lance, Fisher, who last session let himself go crescendo, thusly: “J ARGE.”

* What care I for Robert Stout ? I’m not afraid of Robert Stout, nor of forty Robert Stouts.’ If looks could kill, the gleam and THE GLARE OF THE FISHY AND FISHERIAN ORBS would have pierced to the heart the bete noir of each long ere now, and if an unprincipled min could destroy the reputation of another Sir Robert would not have many shreds left. But as he himself said the other day ‘ Evil imputations are worth notice only when they emanate from a pure source.’ Pity he could not have so consoled himself before giving Fish his change. The inveterate opponent of woman suffrage is in his place at this moment, fingering his watchchain, his close set eyes shooting sparks Stoutwards. His hair is beginning to grizzle, and there is a significant knit between his optics. His features are rather refined, but his ghastly white face wears an expression not exactly angelic. He is tall and full of vigour; his bands are small for a man, and diamond-ringed. Now, he is on his feet asking a question in tones one couldn’t call ‘cooing.’ The answer is not to his mind, and he has moved the adjournment or the House to ventilate his wrath. His vials are full, and ho does not care to save any, for there’s plenty more where that came from. It is ‘ co-operative works ’‘as is worritin’ ’ him ; and the Ministry that he is worrying. He has language large, and can ‘ spread himself some,’ but it would be straining a point to call him an orator. How he rages and raves, and snaps, and snarls, and contorts himself ! How he turns, and twists, and tears along like a hot blast swirling across the desert. Beads come oozing out on his brow ; his voice, always more or less rasping, gets more so till its music resembles the song of the raven, and it tickles one’s throat to listen. A final outburst and it ceases, to the relief of the tortured listeners. This member for Dunedin could, it is said, scarcely choose a ‘ white flower ’ for his emblem ; ‘ sweet reasonableness ’is not his strong point; disinterestedness doesn’t appeal to him ; and no one accuses him of high moral principle. Yet he has many good qualities, being plucky, energetic, and shrewd, alert, persistent, and forceful. As a free lance he fulfils a useful part; hrt adhesion would hamper any Government, but his free criticism is both corrective and tonic. He has the scent of a bloodhound, and a Government that could • jerrymander ’ under his nose would be smart. They say. z however, that he’ll be ‘ off the chain ’ next session ; certainly if the women have a vote, and probably in any case. As he has often reminded them they have a good deal of influence, even now. and Mr Fish may stake his bottom dollar that influence won’t be exerted in his behalf. Another member upon whom we have to look our last this session is ‘THE BRUCE’ OF RANGITIKEI,

who, by the way, smarts still whenever he thinks of Auckland and her unkind critics. Criticism he shrinks from, and grizzling he can’t abide. He loves to spread himself in sounding phrases suggestive of lofty ideals and a broad humanity ; but let someone but tickle his ear with a straw, and he rounds on the culprit directly, scattering his adjectives just like an ordinary biped. No man ever falsified hopesas has the memberfor Rangitikei. Such an extravagant estimate of his abilities had been formed in his own district that he was regarded as the 1 coming man.’

* OUR BOBBY ’ WAS TO SET THE WORLD TO RIGHTS. But he hasn’t done it; and what is more, so far as his influence upon legislation is concerned, a * broomstick or a Chinaman ’ would be equally effective ; which is no wonder when you come to think of it, for his political economy is of the oldest, and laissez faire is the burden of his every song. He is TALL IN FIGURE AND RAKISH IN STYLE; in dress studiously ntgligt; and, to prove his originality, he carries his * wipe ’ outside his coat pocket. Originality, however, was not within cooey when he was created ; and, moreover, he lacks the qualities which in so many people compensate for the want of that rare possession. A fine voice he has, rich, sonorous, cultured, and having read widely of standard literature, he expresses himself with grace and precision. His speeches, however, are little more than well-arranged Conservative platitudes, in weaving which more attention has been paid to beauty of pattern than to quality of materials. In his private capacity no man in the House is more popular, for he is well supplied with those qualities which go to make the bon camarade, and if good intentions were the only requisites for a successful Parliamentary career, he would come out on top. As it is he still occupies the back seat he with a fine instinct chose for himself, and when he vacates it for good he’ll never be missed. In front of him sits another member who it is said talks of cutting himself adrift from politics. He might as well. NATURE NEVER MEANT MR HARKNESS FOR A PARLIAMENTARY LEADER. and he’s only getting hurt amongst the naughty rank and file. I don’t mean that they’re making him bad, but they are making him sick. He is too good for the position since nature has not made him greater. It is of little use good men coming to this Augean stable unless they are strong enough to handle a besom. A good man who has sufficient force of character to bend circumstance to his will may, for the sake of humanity, use the dirty tools he finds here without hurt to himself. But his purpose must be all-en-grossing, otherwise he becomes demoralised. Of course in Parliament the ablest men come to the top—that is, they are most in evidence. But a man with ability mediocre and honesty warranted is - hopelessly handicapped. As things are managed now he’d much better go and die. Mr Harkness is one of the nicest men in the House, betterlooking, too, than most. He is intelligent and well-inten-tioned, but is lacking in force, decidedly. He is pleasant in manners, but grave in expression, being inconvenienced by principle, and encumbered with a conscience. Fancy a • whip ’ with a conscience ! The article in such a case must be made of indiarubber, • warranted to stand any strain,’ so one would suppose. But I don’t think the member for Nelson’s conscience is of that order, really. There is another kind of conscience, just the thing for a * whip,’ described as ‘ seared as with a hot iron,’ but Mr Harkness’

won t answer to that description either, so I’in rather at a loss to catalogue it. One thing you may stake all you're worth on. and that is that the * tender ’ article and the • whip’s' office are incompatible. A TIPTOP ‘WHIP’ IS a KARA OVIS. To fill such an office perfectly requires in marked degree the traits and attributes by which successful leaders are distinguished, as, for instance, suavity, readiness, sound judgment, self restraint, wide information, insight into character, power of intrigue, a tough cuticle, and a casehardened unscrupulousness. The ‘whips’ who in our Parliament have combined all these qualifications have not been numerous. One, however, is still talked of who left little to be desired. He’s far from dead yet, which fact speaks volumes for the toughness of his fibre; but, as was inevitable, he got promotion ; and I wouldn’t mind risking a pair of gloves on his chances of Conservative leadership in the not distant future. How he did so well, without greater loss of moral tone, work which would assuredly have a pernicious effect upon ordinary folks, heaven only knows. He was made of different stuff to begin with, maybe. The moisture a sponge absorbs would run off a stone, from which it is safe to deduce the lesson that weak natures, anyway, should shun miry surroundings and, weak or strong, I’m free to confess I see sense in *-he Scriptural query, * Can a man take fire into his bosom and his clothes and not be burned ?’ We are to lose THE BOOMING BLOOMING MEMBER FOR WAKATIPU, also, they say. Solemnising thought: alarming prospect! Bereft of the vast learning, classic eloquence, refined taste, gentle manners, considerate temper, pleasing modesty, • still small voice,’ and choice vocabulary of ex-Minister Fergus, hew will the House contrive to carry on ? And when added to this impending deprivation is the prospect of GETTING QUIT—I MEAN OF HAVING TO SURRENDER M KNUKAU also, who shall measure our tribulation ? Wakatipu is large of limb, broad shouldered, and handsome. His strong point is his courtesy, which is a thing to wonder at. Yet though by nature gentle as a sucking dove, the ‘ evil spirit ’ sometimes moves him, and then for a space he emulates the king of beasts. The trampling of Lis feet makes the walls shake, and his voice as he uplifts it nearly carries away the roof. Verily we shall miss those powerful appeals, but in view of the little wear he gives his particular cushions perhaps the country will-manage to worry through. As for the LEARNED AND UNASSUMING MEMBER FOR THE MANUKAU, who, by his own account, knows ‘ more than any man in this House, sir, except perhaps Sir George Grey,’ what will life be worth to those who sit in the waiting rooms when I:is sweet chidings no longer penetrate there? and where shall new members look for a model when his gracious presence is withdrawn, and his finished oratory is a thing of the past ? Not that I would bint that once heard it could ever be forgotten. Byno means. Its charming phraseology, its rounded periods will mingle with our dreams till Buckland dies and time shall be no more. But the new men will not hear it, and where shall one be found to fill the gap; and whose shall be the task in the next Parliament to demonstrate the value of a brow of brass and lungs of leather ?