The Autocratic Idler.

New Zealand Graphic, Volume IX, Issue 42, 15 October 1892, Page 1024

The Autocratic Idler.

(WITH DEMOCRATIC NOTES.)

No. V.-MR BALLANCE’S BOOK.

SIR JULIUS VOGEL wrote a book once, and perhaps you have read it, or, at least a few leaves of it, for nobody in this world ever got through the whole of it, or even much of it. The title page bore his name, to help the sale of the work, and this was one good reason for his name being there. Another was, that he really wrote it, although it had so small a resemblance to the production of a statesman, and so great a resemblance to the dream a statesman’s cook might have, after the turkey had been dnly roasted, and the spithad ceased going round for the remainder of the day. Our present book (1) although, in one sense, the work of a New Zealand statesman (albeit a totally different one) cannot be compared with the production of Sir Julius, in any particular whatever. In the first place it doesn’t pretend to be a novel, although by no means deficient in imagination. Secondly, Mr Ballance didn’t write it, and would be considerably amused at the bare suggestion of such a thing—if anyone suggested it. Thirdly, it would be a very much better book than it is had Mr Ballance written it. Fourth, the work was not ushered into the world to extend anybody’s fame, or to lead to inquiries at the shops, or circulating libraries, but was written, or, more correctly speaking, compiled, by direction of our Premier ‘ to be of use to colonists residing in New Zealand, and, at the same time to give persons abroad a general idea of what is done, and could be done,' in these beautiful isles of the Pacific. Eveiv country in the civilised world has had such an official publication issued annually, for a quarter of a century perhaps, and Mr Ballance saw no good reason why New Zealand should any longer be without one so he looked round for a man to undertake its preparation, and, of course, found one immediately, for in these times there are men —and most of them nearly shoeless—to be found in all cities, eminently fitted—so they think—to compile anything whatever, or even to knock down or scatter anything already compiled, or constructed, no matter what. After the lapse of a few months, the project was complete, and the volume turned out in excellent style by Mr George Didsbury the Government printer.

But now a curious, yet by no means unusual, thing was observed by the gentleman selected by the Premier to give us this Hand book. He the author—could not find his name anywhere in it. Had he but ever so slight an acquaintance with ways and methods departmental, be might have spared himself the sense of disappointment that disturbed his statistical mind. It is by no means an unusual thing —in official regions — for the man who doesn’t do the work, to get all the credit of doing it (and sometimes, also the pay, into the bargain), and for the person who actually does do the work to find that be had no band at all in it. *I am afraid,’ said our astonished author, * that my name will not now be even mentioned in connection with this volume.’ Here, however, he was wrong. For the book, as it was bound (in calf) to do, came, in due course, before Parliament, and the representatives, to be sure, must know all about it : who the new statistician was? was be a married man or single? and if the former, did his mother-in-law (2) reside with him ? what was his pay? and what did he do with bis time while waiting for the events of the following year to take place—waiting for thousands of children to be born, a lesser number of the inhabitants of New Zealand to* die; a proper proportion of hasty and ill-arranged marriages to be contracted ; and ihe inevitable percentage of the -population to go clean mad ? Ln this way, and with such cheeiful inquiries, the writers name was wafted around the walls of the House of Assembly for a brief space, and incorporated in the immortal pages of Hansard for ever. If this fails to satisfy his aspirations for fame', then his cravings must be of a morbid and unhealthy character.

The real truth, however, is that one man no more is the author of a work of this kind, than one man builds a pyramid, or makes a pin. Writers specially fitted to discuss a multitude of diverse subjects, as agriculture, kauri gum, the Maoris, patents, the accumulation of fish, labor, public instruction, the New Zealand Shipping Companies, all contribute the beat and latest information on the matters of which they separately treat; and who could expect a mind absorbed in questions of birth rate and the religions of the people, to tell us all that was necessary to know about phormium tena-rl The works of Sir James Hector, indeed, have been laid a heavy hand on, for extracts on such various topics as forest trees, building stones, salmon, climate, and manganese. Bur Sir James Hector is an altogether exceptional man ; and bis infinite variety only proves the rule of

general one-ness. There are but three authorities in this world now, on every subject under the sun. One of these is Gladstone. The second is Sir James Hector. As for the third universal genius (who, indeed, should have come first) the readers of the Graphic very well know who he is, although bashfulness prevents me from indicating him.

There is no reason, I think, to doubt the statement in this book, that no more than 18,273 children were born in these islands last year. Indeed it is certain that it is the universal practice of infants to take good care that everyone within an area of half an acre of them, shall know they are there directly they arrive—and perhaps for one year afterwards they continually announce themselves. But however low the recorded birth rate may be, our statistician must be in error when he says that, low as the birth rate was, * it was considerably higher than that of Ireland in 1890.’ I know that country quite well ; and lam bound to say the Irish race are by no means deficient in ability to maintain a creditable birth-rate ; and it is quite a common thing in that unfortunate but most prolific island to find a father living in a cabin with thirteen children around him —altogether hungry, and nothing much on them, in the way of covering (3). There is nothing at all wrong with the birth rate of Ireland — and you can haidly name anything else belonging to Erin that isn’t altogether amiss I It must have been France the writer was thinking of; in France a man with two children is considered worthy of commiseration on account of his numerous family: in lieland a baker’s dozen is the usual thing, and attracts no attention whatever. Nor do I attach any great value to the info, mation contained in this Handbook, regarding the religions of the people I can safely assert that I myself know personally a greater number of Agnostics (4) than are mentioned in it as the total number in the colony, while it is absolutely amusing to find the Salvation Army elevated into a fiist class religion, and sandwiched in between Lutherans and Quakers ! And why should all * protestants undefined ’ be annexed, bolus bolus, to the Church of England ? and what is the - precise difference between ‘protestants’ and ‘other protestants,’ I other denominations,’ ‘ no denomination,’ ‘no religion’ and ‘unspecified?’ The fact is that, for several reasons, figures, as given in these later times as census results, are of no value at all as indicating the actual beliefs, or non beliefs of the multitude. In the first place, there is a considerable disinclination amongst men and women, to write down on a blue pa;«r schedule a matter of faith and conscience, which concerns nobody but the owner of it. Then, again, some persons find extreme difficulty in nailing themselves to any particular pillar of a great edifice; while others, again, have a great objection to state that they • object to state ’ what they call themselves ; while by no means willing to state that either. Also, the ignorance of some of the census collectors—the persons who fill up the census returns I mean—must be estimated. I have known a Dutchman (in furring parts) transform hundreds of undoubted British Plymouth Brethren into so many Swedenborgians by a stroke of his pencil ; and there ace scores of people who think the Anglican Church, the Church of England, and the (new) Chuich of Ireland are churches with different tenets and foims of worship.

There are hundreds of interesting subjects in the volume before us, which one might mention and discuss ; and it would be agreeable perhaps, to get away from its mass of tables and figures and innumerable averages and' percentages, and to ramble for a while, about its descriptions' of the woods and forests, and the mountain ranges, and the glaciers, and rushing rivera of these beautiful islands. The climate, of the country; the mighty ships that carry our trade; the industries of the New Zealand people: these, surely, are pleasant matters to talk over ? I think I rather annoyed the compiler of the Handbook by a certain warmth which I could not chill, when praising the map at the end of the showing, at a glance, the industries of our population. I said it was one of the best things in the volume ; but he said that it was not altogether a good map, as it'did not show the lighthouses on our coasts. To which I replied that it professed to do nothing of the sort, but something totally different; and that it did just what it professed to do in the most admirable manner possible.

Yes : we could say a great deal about all of these things. But the Graphic—like this book—has to find space for scores of matters beside these remarkable sketches. And

besides, you can buy the book for a shilling or two ; and even if you don’t read it, it will still be always useful for reference purposes. H.R.R.

1. ‘ The New Zealand Official Handbook, 1892.’ Had I put the title of the work at the head of this paper I am quite sure even the renown of the present writer would not cause it to be read, for everybody almost abhors statistics. ‘ Mr Ballance’s Book,’ on the contrary is quite interesting and provocative of curiosity. I dare say he will be consider, ably surprised himself. 2. No gentleman could possibly compile a volume of statistics with any accuracy, this relative being anywhere nearer than within a mile of his residence. 3. And I have seen such a father, and such a family of thirteen famishing children, without even a hovel to live in I I have seen them turned out in the cold of midwinter, and crouching, woebegone and hungry under the shelter of the furze growing on the ditch by the roadside. It was only an Irish eviction—and the traveller was the only one at all astonished at it. For the thing happened—when I was a boy —every day in all the year. 4. As a matter of fact, there is no mention at all in the Handbook, of Agnostics. And yet three persons out of every four one meets anywhere in these days, are, really Agnostics. That is to say, that, —as to the supernatural—they know that all they know is, that—they know nothing and can know no more.