TRY TO SMILE.

New Zealand Graphic, Volume IX, Issue 41, 8 October 1892, Page 1014

TRY TO SMILE.

A bird in the hand may be worth two in the bush, but we’ll take our chances on the bipeds in the shrubbery, every time. A youth at school in Invercargill, who lacked musical talent, and whose voice consequently jarred during the singing-lesson, was always allowed a holiday on sinking days. His mother paid a visit to the school to inquire into the matter. In answer to her query as to why her son was sent home on such occasions, the teacher said, ‘ Why, because he has no ear.’ ‘What !’ she exclaimed, ‘ nae ear? Did onybody ever hear the like o’ that ? Nae ear ! Why, he has a lug like a saucer, mon.’ » ♦ • I'll hie me,’ said the boy. And his bosom swelled with joy : • I’ll hie me to the woods, and there I’ll shoot.’ And he did. alack ! alack! Now he’s lying on his back. And he knows when he gets out of bed he'll only need one boot. False Pretence.—‘l want my money back,' said the square-jawed woman. ‘ This stuff ain’t what it’s cracked up to be, by a heap.’ ‘No ?’ ventured the druggist. ‘ No, indeed. Doesn’t it say on the bottle that three applications to the hair will convert the most pronounced brunette into a charming blonde.’ ‘ I guess it does.’ ‘ Well, it doesn’t work with me. I’m blonde enough, but I don’t seem to charm a ha’porth. He’s gone and married that pug-nosed widder in Wakefield street.’