An Innocent Graperon.

New Zealand Graphic, Volume IX, Issue 41, 8 October 1892, Page 1006

An Innocent Graperon.

MAKE *o boki as to c»l* myself an inn'Cent chaperon. beeaa«e I feel *ure that anyone who ul 1 take the trouble to perase this plain, anvamisnei tale will require no further proof of 1 y innocency. < >f c»»ar*e» saeh a reputation is V] IT n •: precisely wba: one coverts: still, as my husband once said, in a brihiant flash of inyi? * i rat ion to his constituents : ‘ Since you can't p ove me to le a knave, yon luigh* a: leas: allow me credit for beins a fool.' My husband, I may mention though so great is my guiieles«D€s* that I really don : know whether that has anything to do with it or not . is a cor■> leutious Liberal Unionist- I: is in the abuve modest character, therefore, that I make my appeal for public sympathy — which will itardly. I think, be denied me when I ad : that, out of motives of pure benevo'ence, 1 undertook to see two nieces ot mine through a London .Some peep e might say—indeed, if I remember rightly. ‘ «eorge f sai; — tha: I was boa nd to d«> «o. I don*: fur a moment acmit :hi- : onlv. blood being thicker than water, I think ’•ne •_ ught, if one can. to prevent one s nearest re- . ,E ; Ir °ni marrying below their proper station in Hie, Y ra y ” L y *is:er. Lucy Meadows, died. 1 did natura. y fee! anxious to do what I could for her children. Lucy ner-se.f ba : ma>:e rather a poor sort of marriage, haring chosen to unite her fortunes to those of a Liverpool merchant who tr.o-ngr.t i : :o drop down .ead of hear:-disease re m ining t-ef -re he had reaiise-i tne wealth which one is -cust«»med to associate with Li.er:->:•! merchants. He >ft her with a comfortable competence and a couple of •. a .enters : and tr.en, after a g—>i laev yeais, during wh>?.= I neither saw hear : much of he:, she. too, sucenn?e< somewhat suddenly, to an attack of inflammation of the lungs, px>r thins . e’ . p«erhap«s I ought to have seen more • f her. ant p«ernapts 1 f e k a ittie guilty about it : a icongt:. a* every'•> y knows, nothing is more diir.cult tnan to ■•■•tain even occasional edmpses < f people who don t uappen to r>e in ones own set- Anyhow, I wrote to tbe?e two gir.s, tei.ing taem how glal 1 should be if they wou. . co:re to Die as s»> n as we : >vec up to London in the spring, and if they w mid consider my house as tneir borne for four or five months. I: didn't seem such a very imprudent "er to make, considering that I have no daughters of inv ‘ «n. and that my boys are still at school. Ly i.a, the eltesr, sent me a very graceful and prettilyexpressed reply. >:.e in forty, ed me but that I already Knew tuat see ha : inneritei three fourths of her mother s n.oney. as we,, as rhe n»«use in the neiituh urh ->i of Liveras en-iea--: : r.er y the n.e:: >ries : and w&eh she proposed :•> retain as a permanent residence. She went on to sav that her personal tastes in c.iDea i.er ratter towards stuev than ’••wards zaiety an-i society : out that, rec'-gniririr her position with regard to her younger s>:er as ueing virtually that of a parent, she : not feel ;uscine«t in refusing dear Nancy the opportuni •se. which I r.i-i so very kici.y r-’a-rei a: ;beir disposal. Lyd.a hac b-en edneated at Gmon. and was, I dare say, a >:-t3ster i Ar:-, or somerhira of that kind. I had seen ner ■•nee. and no: been par::en'ar y fascinated by her sb rt hair and ner : x- -< ; still, she was not a: all the sort of siri who wou.d tc tike.y to give one trouble : and in any case she i~.*d been amply, not t • say rather unju-tly prof i ted for. Pro a v .y she did not want a and, if she cid, would prefer to choose one for herself. My interest • ■ .i - i u be : i t • • : l.tt.e Nau?>. » no. as 1 bad been r -l i. was pretty, and for wn <.. I r. -'ped to re able tn secure some rather hettermatrim«_nia. al.iajace than she cvuld expect to make in her own tne girls arrived, bag and in time to be presented at the Seo-Li Draw;ng-rovm : and very decent girls they seemed to ie. a?:er their respective fashions. I confess tn a hearty detestation of super! -r women, and Ly lia, Mitu r.er pecantr? asyUfiipti* n of a.. a:>‘Ut every- _ ' er a - n political lisitions. w i made (veorze .?. zh. a.t*<ret..er failed to amu~e me: cut Nancy was a dear little soul —ca-k haired, blue eyed, round-faced, and ' >. •: - . as they say on the other side of the utter, where that particular sty r .e of beauty is rather more enr.-u on than it is in our own i-land. I hau teen sure from tne first tha: I should like Nancy, and I t like her. For tne matter of that, I .ixe her still : though I must say that her o» n iucr has not shown , ui:e that simplicity of character wr ;ch I was inc.me-i to attribute to her a: the outset. Now. there is one thing as to which I am convinced that all mothers and a t chaperon* will agree wi:b me I don't attea. to n en. who are unfitted togrie an opinion upon suca p int' . ana that i*. that in erdeavourirg to arrange a suit&ble alliance for a girl in whom one i* interested, one must take the rough with the smooth. You can': :.nd the ideal lu- «and any -re than youcanhc i thei :ealcook. and if you choose to wait for the former to tn»n up you may re main sing e all yur days, jas: a- you will probably have to go dinner.€■*« if you refuse to be satisfied with anything short of the latter. I this because I am n *t concerned m deny tnat tne Kight H *nourable Samuel Hampton is a tedious ana rather vulgar-minded personage. Against tb«j*e demerits, which are n- : so very important, you to set the «ohd fact* of his respectability. < f hi* eminence in p--’i:ieal life, ar.: of his wealth, actual and prospective. I forget what his father was—l rather think he was a mine’ of some sort, but it doesn't much s'gu fy — wnat wa* certain was that the Right Honourab’e gentleman wa* well otT, tha: he had attained to Ministerial rank, and that, somewhere in the northern counties, he Lad an aged uncle Peter who was reputed to be enorn •• *’.? rich, and whose riches it wx« understood that he would inherit ere long. It wa- no: I who a*ktd Samuel to dinner: certainly it wa* not I who suggested to him that he should pay attention m Nancy ; but Geo-ge was plea ed to invite him, and be did devote himaelf to the girl.

and I should have neg'.ected nsy duty if I had not smiled upon him I really haven't a snpply of millionaire young dakes at command. • Your niece is charming. Lady Jerome,' he said to me after dinner, in that patronising tone which he is wont to assume upon what. I own. seem to me to be insufiicient ground-—’ positively charming I replied that I was glad to think any niece of mine bad been so fortunate as to charm him. and inquired to which of them he alluded. ‘ < >h, to the younger one,' he returned promptly. ‘The elder, no doubt, is also very accomplished and agreeable, but there is a freshness an i girlishness about Miss Nancy which is all the more delightful because it is so rare in tb*-e sophisticated days.' He sighed as he spoke and tried to look like a bhu>t man of the world. Mr Samuel Hampton is a tall, narrow, chested man. approaching middle age. He has a snub nose : he takes a g»i deal of trouble about his dress: he wears an eyeglass and a n swer in his buttonhole, and betrays his origin in every word and look. I had a small and early reception. for which he was kind enough to remain, and I noticed that he was most assiduous in his courtesies to Nancy, who received them with apparent gratification. ‘ Sir George tells me that you are g‘tug to take your nieces to Lady Porterale's ball to morrow night, 7 he remarked, on shading hands with me before his departure, * and he says I ought to be there. Weil. I must try to manage it: for the hope of meeting yon all is certainly a powerful inducement. George, it will re observed, had invited the alliance of •'ris wo-tb.v sc-, ds’.izg e: ' ■ in ‘e-r ~ plain as they could be made : yet. w hen I spoke to him sahseqnentiv upon the subject, he denied—-o like a man : —that he had done any such thing, and declined all resp- ndhi i:v for Nancy s matrimonial pr -peers. ‘ If she likes to marry Hampton, by all means let her do so,' sai l he. ‘ I shouldn't myself lixe to marry him : but then, I m not a woman, thank God : These schemes are w-omen's affairs, nor mine, and I'll be hanged if 111 be mixed up in them :' Lydia was much less cautious and cowardly. She declared in the frankest possible wav that she thought Mr Hampton very nice indeed, and would be delighted to see her sister engaged to him. She was not so silly as to affect ignorance of the obvious fact that he was smitten with Nancy, nor did she consider disparity of age any serious obstacle in the way of their ultimate union. I mentioned just now that I -,■• not especially love that type of modern voung woman of whom Lydia was a fair representative. She vtudied blue books and interested herself in — ■•eial and pditicai problems although, unlike the generality of her species, she held Conservative views . and she was altogether too self-satisfied for my taste. Yet I am hound to say tha: she won my respect by her readiness to effs.-e herself in favour of her sister. She said in so many words that she felt a great deal too old to play the part of a ■ : that she had not come to London with any idea of seeking her own fo-tune, and that ber one wish was to find a good and kic-i husband for Nancy, if that eould be ovntrivei. That being so. and Mr Samuel Hampton being, to t e best of mv knowledge and reiier. both good and kind. I took the girls to Lady Porterale s ball with an easy Lady Portera'e s balls, as all the world knows, are magnificient affairs. Her husband earned his enormous income and his title r-y the sale of intoxicating liquors, and I daresay that he deserse*! ‘*vth. though one wou’d hardly suppose so to look at him. At al; events, hesyent his money lavishly, and I don't know that one has any right to ask more than that of him or his wife. I have ar.-i-ei at that time of life when fio’al decorations and supper—especially supper —acquire a greater importance than good floors an d good music : so that I quite en; >yed myself under the roof of these hospitable people, and was almost as much pleased with their superb cchids as I was with their champagne and a particularly meritorious aspic, which somebody was thonghtrul enough to recommend to me. Farthertnore, 1 noticed with satisfaction that the Right Honourable Samuel skipped round the room several times with Nancy, and I also saw him dancing with Lydia, which I thought very gowj-natured of him. It was quite late in the evening that he sought and obtained my gracious permission to present his nalf-brotherfto me. I had no: previously been aware that he was blessed wit: any brothers, either half or complete, but I had no ob-js-'tion in the world to making acquaintance with the nice, clean-looking, fair-haired boy whom he lei up. to n.e. and whom he addresser! as • Teddv —an appellation which sounded suitable somehow. Teddy was not shy. He sat down beside me. began to converse in an easy, colloquial fashion, and bv the end of a tarter • f an hour had obligingly told me all that there was to tell about himself. He was a g-eat deal younger an ’l a very great deal poorer than the eminent Samuel: he had failed to r«ass the re nisite examinations for the arm . and was not quite sure as vet « hich tra ie or profession he should eventually adorn. • >n'v he supposed he would have to do something. • Because I'm an a'rsolu-e pauper, you see. Mv old Uncle I’eter. who might have felt it his duty to provide for n.e. one won’d think means leaving everything to Sam He -ays he doesn't see the fun of handing over any of his hardearned money to a fellow w ho eaa't earn money for himself. As if ea-ning money was such an easy thing to do : So I expect it will end in my working n-.v passage out to Australia and disappearing from refined circles. Meanwhile, he was evidently bent apnn getting all the en; y ent that he could out of the refinements produced by fashion and bee-. He seemed to know everybody, and I ♦ upfswe his half-brother must have introduced him to Nanev. for I saw them dancing together more than once after he had quitted my side. To my mind, there was no harm, nor any danger, in that. Regarded in the light of a potential suitor, thia poor youth was a mere nonentity.

and he was so candid and straightforward that I was sure he would not be guilty of anything so unworthy as nirting with a girl towards whom he could not possibly have serious intentions. Personally. I liked him a great deal better than the eligible Samuel, and I felt no hesitation about asking him to enne and see me when he accompanied us downstairs and secured our wraps for ns. He had likewise, it appeared, been privileged to gun the approval of Lydia, who was loui in his praises on our way home, an-i who said : ‘lam so glad you asked him to call. Aunt Eleanor. Of course he isn't clever, like his brother : but he is deitghttully young and unspoilt by the world. His way of talking rather reminded me of Nancy.' * Thank you, dear.' respvnded Nancy from her corner : • I have always been afraid that I talked like a goose, an 1 now I am sure of it.' I don't know what anserous -peeches Teddy Hampton may or may not have made to my younger niece : but 1 do know tha: it is quite possible to be a goose and, at the same time, to be an extremely entertaining companion ; and this was what he proved himself to be » nen he came to tea with us on the afternoon of the girls' presentation. He had duly left his card at the door before that, and I had invite! him, together with some other people, to look in upon us after the Drawing-room, because I thought they might like to inspect our froeks. Samuel also was of the party, having come on from the palace to lend an air of distinction to the scene by his Ministerial garb. It is unquestionably a distinguished thing to be a Minister in full fig: only, in order to do justice to the character, one ought to have legs, and t->vr Samuel bad no legs— to speak of. That was what made him look slightly ridiculous, and it was upon that groun d that his cheeky young brother chaffed him unmet cifully. Well, I must sav for the g»i man that he stood chaff uncommonly well. Perhaps the House of Commons had inured him to tha: kind of thing, or perhaps he may have felt that, with re*peet to all essential paints, the laugh must always be on his side as against bis tormentor. Anyhow. he kept his temper : and if he was not consoled by Lydia's outspoken admiration of certain recent deliverances of his upon the Irish question, it was none the less kind of her to no her best towards con«o ing him. He subsided at length into a chair elose to her eloow, while Nancy and the rest of us were kept in fits of laughter by Teddy, who, I am bound to say, was an amusing youth. lam not sure that he displayed the best possible taste by mimicking his half-brother's impressive method of pub ic oratory : but his mimicry was irresistibly comic, and if the eminent statesman did not object to it, why should we : When he had exhausted Samuel, he was pleased to make fun of Lydia and Nancy, entreating them to repeat, for his benefit, the graceful performances of which they had just acquitted themselves in a more august circle and sticking out his hand for them to kiss, while he audaciously impersonated the Sovereign of these realms. I need scarcely mention that they did not kiss his hand—l should neve'r have thought of allowing them to do such a thing—but they lent themselves to tne tomfoolery by means of which be contrived to entertain the rest of us, and although this does not sound like a particularly mirth provoking exhibition, it was so in reality. There are people who cannot succeed in being funny, however hard they may try, and there are others who can send you into convulsions by simply looking ar you. Ail the same, a joke ought not to be kept up too long, nor ought a very young man to monopolise the entire attention of bis elders and betters for more than half an hour or so. I can't tell whether it was his intuitive sense of the fitness of things, or the gentle snub which I felt it right to administer that caused Teddy Hampton to withdraw at length into the background ; but, at anyrate, he did withdraw. and, as I had other visitors to talk to, some little time elapsed before I noticed that he had not only withdrawn in a literal sense, but na-i taken Nancy with him. I was somewhat annoyed when, on inquiring what had beeome of the two young people, I was informed they had retaken themselves to the back drawing-room where they were out of sight : but the placid unconcern of the Right Honourable samuel reassured me. After all, what did it matter so long as he was not jeal ms 1 ‘ I won’t say good-bye. Lady Jerome. I will only say •.*« re -oi'j-,' he remarked, as he rose to take his leave ; ' for we shall meet again in a few hours at Mrs Lightfoot’s ball. And will you, please, remind Miss Nancy that she has promised to keep two dances for meU That was all very well: but Miss Nancy ought to have been upon the spot to assure him that sae bad not forgotten her engagement, instead of giggling in the back drawingroom with an impertinent detrimental: and so I made bold to tell her, as soon as the company bad dispersed. I said : ' My dear child. I am quite sure that you don’t mean any harm ; but the great thing is to avoid the appearance of meaning barm, and i: real y isn t wise to conceal yourself behind the furniture in the comi-aay of any young man. Moreover, it isn’t wise to presume too much upon the goodnatureef any old—or at least elderly—man, like Mr Samuel Hampton. Nancy opened a great pairof wondering eyes, looked rather as if she meoitateq bursting into tears, an t faltered out that she didn't know what I meant. Lydia, taking her by the arm. led her away in a kindly protecting fashion, and afterwards said to me. -omewhat reproachfully ; • Don : be too bard npon the poor child. Aunt Eleanor : I don't thin>c you quite realise bow very young and inexperienced she is. Lydia s habit was to stand up for her sex, in season and out of season : ana of course it w as only creditable on ber part to stand up for her sister. She gave me to understand tnat Nancy's heart was in the right place in other words, that it hai teen bestowed upon the rich brother, not the poor one . and her hint that a mock flirtation with the latter might be the best way of bringing the former to book sounded plausible enough. He was not, however, brought to hook during the ensuing three weeks, in the course of which we saw a great deal of Hampton Brothers : nor, notwithstanding his bland imperturbability, did he appear to me to be altogether pleated with the way in which Teddy conoucted himself. Some ambiguous remarks which be let fall made me feel a little uneasy on Nancy's behalf, because an underbred man is like an under bred horse— you can never be sure that he won't turn sulks and give in at the very moment w hen he ought to begin trying. And so, what with one thing and another. I was quite glad, in my capacity of chaperon, when the time came for

us to pay a brief visit to our place in the -luntry for the purpose of presiding a: a great gathering which was to be held in the park under the auspices of the Primrose League. I say that I was glai as a chaperon, because, of course, I eoul-i not expect to derive ranch persons! enjoyment from such a festivity. I don't belong to the Primrose League I think I have already mentioned that we are Liberal Unionists : but I dare say 1 shouldn't hare its wavs of going on any the less if I did. It may be. as George declares it is. for the good of my country that I should watch large numbers of unwashed persons playing kiss in rhe-ring under the windows ; that I should affect to take an interest in some absurd performan -es, dignified by the name of athletic sports : that I should present prizes »o the winners in these ridiculous contests, and that I should finally seat myself upon a rickety platform and listen to dreary palitical speeches. I sincerely hope that all this is in some mysterious way beneficial to the country : for it certainly isn’t beneficial to me, or to the grass either. H iwever, I was

comforted by the thought that it might very probably prove beneficial to Nancy, inasmuch as the great Samuel had consented to honour us with his company and his oratory upon the occasion, and bad likewise insinuated that tris act of condescension was a tribute to her charms rather than to ours. In point of fact, I shrewdly suspected that Samuel meant to propose, as soon as he should have exhibited himself in his most becoming aspect, to the girl whom he hoped to make bis wife : and I was therefore not a little vexed when it appeared that George, without ever taking the trouble to consult me, had invited Teddy Hampton to join the house ■ party. Thar is the sort of stupid thing that George is perpetually doing. He only laughed at my remonstrances, as he always does, and assurred me that it would be all right. Well, perhaps, George may sometimes though not often be in the right—indeed. I should think he must ie, since we never agree upon a single point, and since it does seem unlikely that any rational being can be invariably in the wrong—but I thought at the time, and I think still, that he marie a sa-i error in judgment when he asked that facetious young man to take part in w hat, by his own account, ought to have been regarded as serious proceedings. And, of course, as I had anticipated would be the case. Teddy lost no time in playing the fool and turning the whole thing into ridieule. Heaven knows politics and political demonstrations can be ridiculous enough upon their own hook, and stand in no need of anybody's help to make them more so : Still, Ido think it is very bad taste to laugh at people whose hospitality you have accepted : and after we had ail retired to our bedrooms on the evening before the meeting, I sought a nocturnal interview with Nancy for the express purpose of pointing this out to her. I said : * It is very easy, and I dare say you may think it very amusing on young Mr Hampton's part, to make fun of stump orations : but you must remember that the people are now our roasters, and that statesmen can t get at the ear of the people in any other way than by mounting a p-latform and shouting at them. Statesmen know what the people are too ignorant and id irf zoned to understand: they see the fatal consequences of—of—in short, of doing whatever it is that the opposition want to do : and surely it is more dignified to stand up and say so than to remain in the background, sniggering and making faces, like a clown at a circus.' My readers, I am sure, would not be grateful to me if I were to enter upon a detailed description of scenes with which most of them mcst be unhappily familiar. We were spared the added hcrror of bad weather, and I suppose the preliminary portion of our was a success, since everyloiy called it b-- that name. The man who was to have rerformei upon the tightrope got drunk, and couldn t te brought up to the scratch : but that, as George confided to me, was a blessing in disguise, because he bad never performed upon a tight rope before, and one would have been sorry if his <i f had been rendered conspicuous by hi- demise. In other respects everything vent off qnie tidily, and I distributed the prizes with my customarygrace and affability. Then we and the other magnates scrambled up upion a platform, whie. was too small to accommodate us with any sort of comfort, and proceeded to business. George stammered and stumbled and made feeble j -kes, as be always does, and was vociferously applauded, as he always is. He was followed by a p» nderous old person, during whose laboured harangue the attention of the audience appeared to wander a good d>al. Mine did, I know — ani for good and sufficient reasons. Our great gun, Mr Samuel Hampton, was to speak next, and there was as vet no sign of him. He had withdrawn some little time before, explain, ing to me that he wished to consult his notes, which he had prepared with great care : but I began to be horribly afraid lest te should have made some m s ake about the hour. A pretty

/i-iuro we should achieve if we were una .e to produce him when wanted: My anxiety was shared oy those about me. Tse local celebrities were growing fidgety : George whispered to me that tr is realiy wouldn't do as if I was respsn-i'le , an i I was tecon.ing hot an i eold all over, when Lydia ve y kindly volunteered to run od ic search of the missing orator. She slipped over the back of the platform and trotted away witn great ce’erity and no disturbance : but. alas : neither she nor Samuel returne-i. and for the very first lime in my life I found myself wishing that a political speech might be indefinitely prolonge-;. Unfortunately, everything in this world must have an end—even the loquacity of a bore who has no ideas to start with, an-i no language in which to conceal their absence—so at length the awful moment came when cld Sir Pigbv Dunderhead

I have forgotten the man s real name cots '.uded his declamation by sitting down noisily upon his bar. It was Teddy. I uresnme. who hai hai the forethought to place it op>n his chair in readiness for him : but I was in caprab'.e of being either amused or annoyed by such trifles at such a time. Imagine mv feelings when George rose and announced with perfect composure that the Right H -noura--’e Samuel Hampton would now address the meeting Imagine—but no : I don't believe anybody's imaginati >n can be equal to that strain !—what my feelings were when my husband resumed nis seat, chuck ing audibly, an i when Teddy coolly advanced to the front of the platform •D -n't excite yourself,’George whispered to me behind his hand : ■ it's all right. None of these good folks know Hampton by sight, an i that young beggar has cneek enough to carry off anything.’ Assuredly it was n--t from lack of that valuable . ia’ity that Teddy was in danger of coming to grief. I was furious

with him and with George when he started : but I don t mind confessing that before he hai -p--ken f ir more than a minute or two 1 began to feel grateful to them bo’h. I>r ready what he said wa» quite admirable, an i wa« delivered with a solemnity an i a sense of responsibility which raid nut have been beaten by the eminent p-olitician whom he had supplanted. Hr was not in the lea«t jocose : he ap-peare-i t*> take himself and his party every bit as «eri--usly a* toe a'-sen: Samuel would bared me : his exposure --t unworthy tactics of the Opp-eition was quite crushing, an-i he elicited brad cheere from his listeners when he impressively called upon them to decide, once for ail. whether England should or should nut continue to be a nati-n. •If only there is no wretched London tep»>rrer in the crowd,' I remarked under my breath to George. ‘ an i if only

yon will be good enough to swallow down your merriment, instead of shaking and bubbling in that indecent manner, we may p-vssibly escape detection He noided and repeated once more, in that irritating wav of his. that it would *e alright. But a terrible shock an-i surprise was in store for us; for when that eloquent but unr-rineipled young man had been I declaiming for nearlv an hour, and hai wound up with a magnificent peroration, what will it be supposed that he did ’ He did not retire, bowing and smiling, and -eat himself either upon his own hat or upon somebody else s—not he Vn the contrary, he advanced a step, and, as soon as the deafening applause hai sub«i led, he said : ■ I.adie* an-i gentlemen. I have only a few words to aid ; they are in the nvtnre of a persona! explanation Wnile thanking y-: u. as I do m xst sincerely. for the indulgence an 1 the approbation which you have ieen pleased to extend to me. I cannot but feel that you may have been, in some degree, influenced by the name which I have tne honour to

bear, ani it seems only fair to tell you that I am not the man whom you take me for. My came, it is true, is Hampton, an i certainly I do not vield one jot to my elder brother in devotion to our Sovereign, our country, and our present Government : still, the fact remains that Samuel Hampton is my elder brother, and my only excuse for having addressed you in bis stead i< one which I trust that you may deem sufficient — namely, that he is not here to speak for hi- .- seif. This announcement, as may well be believed, produced a profound sensation. There were some discordant cries, there was a little hooting : but I think, upon the whole, laughter was the pre dominant sound m the hubbub which ensued. Arter a pause Teddy resumed imperturuably • Ladies and gentlemen, 1 have done my best to act a fraternal part : 1 have, at least, expressed my brother s sentiments, though I cannot pretend to his elegance of diction. If I have presumed too far upon your good - nature, I am ready to descend amongst you and to be torn limb from limb. Yet, before I die. I should like, if you will permit me, to plead my poor brother’s cause with you. There are occasions, ladies—especially ladies—and gentlemen, which claim all our sympathy and all our leniency ; and when I tell you that Mr Samuel Hampton is at the present moment engaged—l say • in the fullest sense of the term — I do feel that 1 may appeal to you with some confidence to pardon ms temporary absence from the post of duty. When 1 ascended this platform I saw at no great distance from me a certain lovely and accomplished lady. I look in vain for that lady now : 1 look in vain for my brother. Indies ana gentlemen, need.l a say more But he did say more, that shameless young wretch : He said every abominable and indiscreet thing that it was poss.ble to say, and what vexed me to an even greater extent than the hi.arky of the general public was to see Nancy joining in it. it was as clear as daylight mat me wnole thing was me result of a premeiitated and most selhsn ana unworthy plot. * I am astounded at your impudence in ap proaching me, 1 said to me culprit, who ranged up alongside, while we were ail walking back towards the house, and put forward what he was pleased to call an explanation, together with an entreaty for forgiveness. * 1 quite believe that, as you say, you delivered your brother's speech: 1 .uite believe that, knowing his inability to speak without his notes, you picked his pocket of mem in order to play a neat Hess prac tical joke : but not for one moment do I believe that you acted upon a sudden impulse. No, my dear «ir You have chosen to make us the laughing stock of the county, not to say the count rv ; you Have placed an innocent man in a position out of which Im sure 1 don't know how he is to escape without ignominy, and you have seriously compromised a girl wco, 1 Lope and trust, is as innocent as he. if you think lam going to forgive all that a: once, jou must nave strangely misconceived my character. ‘ < >n, no, cear Lardy he answered in a perfectly unabashed manner ; ‘ i haven't misconceived you a bit. I know there are no bounds to your kindness and good nature, although your powers of discernment may oe limited. You wanted, as we are all aware, to marry Samuel to Miss Nancy : but then, you see, she does n t want to mar.y him, and, if she did. she wouldn’t be a: all the proper sort of wife for mm. Now, Miss Lydia who, by the way, is as innocent as me driven snow—ami so is everybody except n e , will s-i: him down to the ground. >hr went off in absolute good faun to seal ch for him ; she will Lave found him, somewhere or other, buzzing about distractedly; she will have consoled him ; and, let us hope, tne natural consequences wi.l have ensued. It thev have not —wed, I venture to entertain some modest conddeDce in me effects of my little speech u:-.»n bis mind an i hers. If you will believe me, the young ra-cal was right? Hardly had I letired to my boudoir to sulk unseen waen in came l.vi.a. blush.ng and simpering as it she Lad anj business to blush and simper a: her age with the arjm»un*'ement that Mr Miuael Hampton hai a*ked her to be hi* wife and that she had •ccepted him. • Pear Aunt Eleanor,' said she. ‘I am afraid you will think me a dreadful traitress—- • That i< exactly what I do think you, I interrupted. • Yes : I wa* afraid you would. But really though I haven t liked to say so, 1 have *een for a long time past mat 1 -.- ta*tes are not the same ; she i- not, 1 am sure, capable of appreciating him at bi» true worth — • Now, look here. Lydia,' I interrupted ; • it grieves me tn be vulgar ; but may 1 ask m plain language whether tni* is a put up job * I only inquire for the sake of infatuation •*he drew her**-!f up *i’h a tine assumption of ..ffeu«:e»i

dignity. She assured me that she had had no thought until that afternoon of supplanting her sister, that she had yielded only to the passionate pleadings of Samuel and the sudden discovery of her own sentiments, that she had been as much jierplexed as the would-be oiator by the mysterious disappearance of his notes, and that, although it certainly had been Teddy who had suggested to her that she should go in search of him, she had suspected the young man of no sinister design. I suppose it is just possible that she may have been speaking the truth. Anyhow, the thing couldn't be helped, anti all one could do was to put a good face upon it. It didn't seem to me that the Right Honourable Samuel put a particularly good face upon it : and, although he pretended to he amused when he heard of his younger brother s indiscretion, it was easy to see that the joke was not altogether to his taste. However, he had the hardihood to tell me that he had loved Lydia from the first, and the magnanimity to add that Nancy was a great deal too young in her habits and ideas for an old fellow like him. * This is all very fine,’ I remarked to George, late that evening : ‘but it isn’t business, you know. The well-to-do niece is disposed of ; but what is to become of the povertystricken one ? Say what you will, it is a most damaging thing to a girl to have been almost engaged to a man who has seen tit to prefer her sister, and, unless I am very much mistaken, I shall have Nancy on my hands for a long time to come.' ‘Oh, no, you won't,’ returned (ieorge, with one of his loud, foolish laughs ; * Teddy Hampton will take her off your hands as soon as ever he has earned a little money. I have the best authority for giving you that assurance. Well, I’m glad the two young folks have arrived at an understanding; it’s all quite as it should be, when you come to think of it.’ L>uite as it should be that my niece should engage herself to a young fellow with no means nor the faintest prospect of ever possessing any ’ Naturally, I said at once that I could not dream of sanctioning such a piece of wild folly ; whereupon (ieorge coolly rejoined that, in that ca«e, he supposed they would have to do the best they could without my sanction. They obtained his, and, what is more, they obtained a promise from him that, if the worst came to the worst, he wouldn’t let them starve. And George, mind you, is by no means what can be called a rich man in these days ; added to w k ich, he has three sons growing up ! I will say for Nancy that she had the grace to be ashamed of herself. As for that preciousyZo/ice of hers, I am afraid there is little chance of my ever seeing him look ashamed until the Day of Judgment. Well, it is true that, as matters have fallen out, this improvident plir do not depend upon our benevolence for their support : but that they do not is owing to circumstances which nobody in the world could have foreseen. One would not have imagined that a hard headed, hard fisted old working man would have seen much to admire in theft and impersonation ; yet, as it appeared, the venerable Peter Hampton was quite delighted when he heard of the exploit of his younger nephew, whom be immediately summoned to the North and congratulated upon his ‘ smartness.’ The elder nephew may perhaps have bored him beyond endurance (it does not seem unlikely), or he may have been sincere in his assertion that he asked nothing better than to help one who understood so well how to help himself. At all events, he made Teddy a handsome allowance there and then, and when he died shortly afterwards, it was found that he had bequeathed the bulk of his large fortune to that scapegrace, leaving the gifted and irreproachable Samuel out in the cold. That is why Mr and Mrs Hampton have a big house in Grosvenor Place, and give big entertainments, to which they are kind enough to invite me from time to time, while the Right Honourable Samuel and spouse inhabit a rather remote district of South Kensington, and show but little hospitality to their friends. ‘ It's quite like the wind up of a play,’ says George, rubbing his hands —‘the old uncle dying in the nick of time, virtue rewarded, and everybody contented, eh ?’ H’m I I don't know so much about the reward of vivtne : and as for everybody being contented, I rather think I could name one lady who was not quite so clever as she fancied herself, and who consequently feels a trifle down in the mouth at times. However, as I often remind Lydia (for I like to say a kind word when I can), riches are not everything, and she has really been most fortunate in securing a husband of such commanding talents. For my own part, I am, of course, perfectly contented. I have married both my nieces, I have married them well, and I have married them in tneir first season. No chaperon could do more ; only a very few are able to achieve as much. All the same, I wish Teddy Hampton were not quite so fond of referring to an episode which reflects scant credit upon him and gives disrespectful people an excuse for laughing at me. Moreover, I should feel rather more comfortable if I could be sure that those two girls didn’t deliberately hoodwink me from start to finish. W. E. Norris, in Temple Bar.