MISCELLANEOUS.

New Zealand Graphic, Volume IX, Issue 15, 9 April 1892, Page 390

MISCELLANEOUS.

He Could Draw the Line.—Uncle Si Low -. ‘You good-for-nothing tramp! You are too lazy to eat.’ Thirsty Trimble : ‘ Then per’aps you wouldn’t mind asking me to drink.’

He was a buyer in a large wholesale house, and he was in love. One night lie snatched a kiss. *Ah ! ’ he exclaimed, ‘ I am >0 well pleased with this sample that I should like to negotiate for all you have. ’ He was accepted on the spot. Lady (to her new servant): ‘ Now, Jane, mind I have no flirting with the baker or milkman.’ Jane : * I’m very glad to hear it, mum. I never did ’old with mistresses carry in* on out o’ I heir proper spear !’ Examiat r: ’I am surprised that you have all made mistakes in answering the question, “ Where was Magna Charta signed?” Think over it—can no one tell me?* Little Boy (at bottom of class): *1 can, sir.’ Examiner: ‘ Well ?’ Little Boy : ‘At the bottom of the page.’ First Escaped Muiderer: ‘I say. pard, now we’re out, what shall we do ? The blood-shedding instinct is strong in me. I simply thirst for gore. How can we go on shedding and remain unhung ?’ Second Escaped Murderer : * I have it, my sanguinary friend—we'll join a professional football team.’

Complicated Anger.—Gilhooly : ‘You say your wife is in a bad humour ?’ Pennybunker : ‘ Yes, she is.’ ‘ What is she angry about f ‘ln the first place, she got angry at the servant girl, then she got angry at me because I didn’t get angry at the servant girl, and now she is angry at herself because I got angry at her because she got angry at the servant girl. Do you understand First Tenor : ‘ Hello, old boy ! How did your singing take last night at the meeting of the “ New Married Ladies’ Sicial League?” ’ Second Tenor (aged forty-five): ‘Bah! it didn’t take at alh They wouldn’t speak to me afterward.’ ‘That’s queer. What did you sing?” ‘I sang “ When Y»u and 1 Were Young,” and for an encore I sang “ Twenty Years Ago.” ’ She (severely): • I have been informed that you intend to give a bachelor dinner to your friends on the day before we are to be married. Now, as I understand it, a bachelor dinner is for the purpose of taking leave of a gang of fellows whom no gentleman would introduce to his wife, and I should just like to know why a gentleman should have such ’ He : ‘My dear, you have been misinformed. I haven’t the least intention of giving a bachelor dinner or taking leave of anybody.’ ‘You haven’t?* ‘Of course not. I shall meet them every night at the club just the same as before.’