TO YOUNG MEN AND MAIDENS.

New Zealand Graphic, Volume IX, Issue 13, 26 March 1892, Page 306

TO YOUNG MEN AND MAIDENS.

I VENTURE to ask the attention of young men and maidens on a subject closely associated with the lives of many of them, viz.. Courtship. ‘ Well, really I’ I fancy I hear someone exclaim ; * who is this officious person who presumes to interfere in a matter that cannot concern him ’ Courtship is so essentially a personal thing that no outsider ought to intrude upon it with his theories.’

I readily confess that it does seem somewhat impertinent to attempt a paper on such a topic : but having weathered the storm myself, and being now safe home in port, I venture nevertheless to offer a chart to those in need of it. Its directions aie brief, simple, and practical; and, if followed, will, I doubt not, assist them in reaching that haven where, if I may be pardoned for saying so, most young men and young women would be—the haven of matrimony. The first direction I find in my chart is, that marriage must be based on love. Of course everyone fcnows that, but many act as though they were ignorant of it. Did we not have, some time ago, columns of letters in the Daily Telegraph declaring that marriage was a‘failure?’ But when those effusions were analysed it was easy to see the cause of the disaster. Marriages had been contracted from other motives than love. Young people—l am a long way off the sere and yellow leaf myself—cannot learn this lesson too soon. Many go ‘courting ’ with the conviction that love will come to them by-and-bye ; that after marriage, at any rate, it will be all right, and that they will settle down as others have done before them. This is a snare and a delusion. You who are • engaged make quite sure that you love each other noir. It is not difficult to apply an effectual test. * To love is to go out of self.’ Is your courtship making yon less selfish towards each other ? It ought to do so. If it is not, be-

ware that you are not deceiving yourself and yonr partner by harbonring love's counterfeit,—a mere sentiment that will vanish as soon as the first trial or difficulty crosses your path. Unless you are loving each other with a selfsacrificing love yon will find matrimony—that is, if you ever get so far—anything but a haven of rest. Another direction I hnd in my chart is this : Let your ‘courting days' be a real preparation-time for the duties that lie ahead of yon. Is it not painful to see the frivolity and gaiety that so many engaged people indulge in ! ‘ Life is real, life is earnest, the poet sings, and we have, oronght to have, no time to waste. Every moment should find us trying to discipline our characters and to develop those Christian gifts and graces without which our lives must lack true beauty. If we act in this way then there will be an end to that unreality—l know no better word to express my meaning—that engaged couples sometimes affect. Be open with each other, and show yourselves in your true colours. Who amongst us has not known persons—men and women alike—who to their lover’s face are all beams and smiles, but behind their back show themselves to be irritable, selfwilled, and bad-tempered. The mask, of course, comes off after marriage, and then !’ Once again. My chart tells me to beware of allowing courtship to interfere with duty. Some young men, I know, are ready to deafen their ears to every call—even to the calls of God—so long as they can prove what they miscall their devotion to their future wife. On the other hand some young women are so exacting that they compel their lover to show attention to them whatever other duty he may neglect. Here again are dangerous waters. The calls of business or of home ties, for instance, may sometimes clash with lovers’ engagements. To neglect them is wrong, and cannot be productive of any lasting good. The fourth direction in my chart is very important. Wherever possible, worship together regularly every Sunday. It is, I know, so easy to find excuses for the neglect of this rule. Work has been so pressing during the week, and a walk on a fine Sunday morning is so pleasant. But nothing will atone for the want of regular habits of devotion, and it is so helpful to worship side by side. This is not always practicable ; but in the case of absence each can remember the other at the Throne of Grace, and thus there will be union in spirit. Finally, I find my chart recommends engaged couples to be one in the Lord. This shall be my last word. Let both parties subordinate their love for each other to their love for Christ. They will not be the losers, but the gainers : their love will be the purer, and their lives the happier.

H. C. Hogan.