WAIFS AND STRAYS.

New Zealand Graphic, Volume IX, Issue 13, 26 March 1892, Page 293

WAIFS AND STRAYS.

SLANDER, like mud, dries aud falls off. A girl waists her energy when she hugs another girl. In the bright lexicon of speculation there is nothing uncertain as a sure thing. It is the height of misery for a man afflicted with insom nia to marry a girl who snores. The greatest social bore is the man who has not had the grip. He has nothing to talk about. The rain falls upon the just, but not upon the unjust who has stolen the umbrella ot the former. The sweetest of the uses of adversity is one of the things best understood by contemplation from a distance. The man who says he will welcome death as a release from a life made up of soirow, generally sends for four doctors when he has the colic. The young man who persuades himself that two people can live as cheaply as one can always find a girl to help him to try the experiment. THE MATCH-MAKERS. He was warned against the woman — She was warned against the man. And ef that won't make a weddin’, Wy, they’s nothin’ else that can I A man who wants his wife to love and respect him, will never make the mistake of putting his feet into her slippeis. Years of devotion will not wipe out the insult. Never waste time in telling people what a lot of good things you have done. In the first place they won’t believe you, and in the second place they are waiting to tell you what a lot of good things they have done themselves. A Chiuaman is speaking to himself as he irons a shirt. Picks up a shirt showing evidence of having been well cared for, aud says, ‘ Bachelor, him landlady fix him.’ Picks up another, buttonless and all frayed at the wrists and neek, and says, ‘ Mallied man.’ At the baths an impatient young man walked up to the door of one of the compartments, and knocking at the same, testily inquired : ‘ When in thunder are you going to get those trousers on ?’ There was a faint giggle, and a silvery voice replied ; ‘ When I get married, I suppose.’ lie fainted at once. He had mistaken the door. People in Europe who buy Persian carpets little think of the enormous labour that has been expended on the weaving. It is done exclusively by hand, and every stitch in the carpet is made separately, being afterwards clipped with the scissors and beaten down. Some idea of the work may be formed when it is known that in a good carpet there are about ten thousand stitches to every square foot. A NEW TEAK S IDYL. He resolved to leave off smoking, Swearing, chewing, nasty joking. Drinking, gambling, never poking His ruddy nasal organ into other folks’ affairs. His great goodness—so folks reckoned — Made the angels glad -they beckoned. And on January second He started, pure and happy, up the broad celestial stairs. Antiquarian.—The custom of throwing the slipper after a bride comes down from very ancient times. Long before the Christian era, a defeated chief would take off bis shoes aud hand them to the victor, to show that the loser of the shoes yielded up all authority over his subjects. So, when the family of a bride throw slippers after her, they mean that they renounce all authority over her. •Do you understand?’ Small Auditor: ‘Yes, sir. They throw away the slippers they used to spank her with.’ A Jealous Clown. — Recently during a performance of a circus in Beilin, Mme. Boichardt, a favouiite equestrienne, galloped into the ring bowing and smiling toward a group of young officers, who testified their admiration by loud applause. Her husband, the clown of the circus, became wild with jealousy, and, diawing a revolver, shot the woman dead in the ring. The auditorium was crowded and the spectators of the tragedy were nearly thrown into a panic by the horrible scene. The murderer was quickly removed by the police and the entertainment stopped for the night.

Compensation for Alienated Affections.—ln the court of Indiana, U.S.A., recently, Mrs Leah Haynes sued Flora Knowlin for £5OOO damages on the ground that defendant had alienated the affections of plaintiff s husband from her. The defendant demurred that in common law and by the custom of the country plaintiff had no grounds for action, and this view was also taken by the judge, who held that a husband could claim damages for the* alienation of his wife's affections, but that no corresponding right was enjoyed by the wife. On appeal, however, the wife s equal right of action in this respect has been upheld.

A Scotchman's Philosophy.—An old Scotchman is said to have risen in a prayer meeting one night and apropos of nothing, delivered himself of tbe following remarks :—‘ There are three things I never could quite understand. First, why boys will throw sticks at green apples when, if they waited, the apples will ripen and dropoff; secondly, 1 never could quite comprehend why men go to war to kill each other when, if they remained quietly at home they would die a natural death in good time ; thirdly, and most important of all, 1 do not see why the men chase around after the women, since, if they sat still, the women would run round after them.’

Her ‘No’ Meant ‘Yes.’—Once a young newspaper man heard from friends of his an interesting story of an adventure in which they figured conspicuously and asked permission to write up an account of it. * Oh, no,’ exclaimed one of the young ladies of the party, with a refined, horrified shudder, ‘ it would be perfectly dreadful to have it published.' So the newspaper man, whose experience of human nature was slight, felt obliged by common honour not to write it up. A few weeks later the young lady wrote to him, asking him for copies of his account of the adventure, saying that she wished to send them to her friends. He smiled grimly when he read the note and took a malicious pleasure in informing her that owing to her dislike of publicity he had decided not to publish the story. He has been rather sceptical about girls ever since.