WAIFS AMD STRAYS.

New Zealand Graphic, Volume VIII, Issue 49, 5 December 1891, Page 652

WAIFS AMD STRAYS.

Nothing succeeds like a successor. No fiddler ever gets tired of his own music. If you are slandered, never mind it; it will all come off when it is dry. A widow is one who has lost her husband ; a grass widow,, one who has simply mislaid him. ‘ Capital punishment,’ as the boy said when the schoolmistress seated him with the girls. INCOMPREHENSIBLE. She asked him if he’d tie her tie—'Twas late when he got through it— And then she asked him if-how strange! He wouldn't please undo it. Doing things, and not dreaming about them, is the secret of success. Thinking out plans will never come to anything unless the thought be followed by a determined will to execute. Whether it is due to the multiplicity of rain machines at work in this country it is impossible to say, but so many aeronauts are falling from the skies these days that it is positively reckless to go out without an umbrella. An ink which seems to be identical with the disappearing ink of about twenty years ago has recently been placed upon the European market, and is a watery solution of iodide and amylum. It produces a beautiful blue-black writing, which begins to fade after a few days, and disappears entirely after the lapse of a week. Shenstone, the poet, divides the readers of newspapers into the following general classes :—The ill natured man looks to the list of the bankrupts, the tradesman to the price of bread, the stockjobber to the lie of the day, the old maid to the marriages, the prodigal son to the deaths, the monopolist to the hopes of a wet harvest, and the boardingschool misses to everything relating to run-away marriages. Can See His Own Back. —The lobster is one of the few creatures that can make a personal observation of the middle of their backs. He can retreat more gracefully than any other denizen of the deep. His moustache never needs waxing. He puts on his new coat before he takes off his old one. The lobster is always ready and willing to grasp you by the hand. A TENDER-HEARTED MAN. I hate to see a lady stand While riding on the trams. And grasp the strap with trembling hand, As sudden jerks and jams Twist almost out of shape her fingers taper. It gives me pain, for such a sight, Will make me nearly cry. Because I do not think it’s right ; And that’s the reason why I always keep my eyes upon my paper. The Old Roman Idea of Suicide.—Balmaceda’s suicide was quite the thing to have been expected of a SpanishAmerican driven into a corner. A New'York business man says ‘ It is a common, almost a usual thing for Spanish sea captains to commit suicide when shipwrecked. I have known of several such instances, and you have only to watch for the newspaper reports of a Spanish shipwreck to obtain, verification of what I say. The Spaniards and their representatives in this country seem to have held on to the old Roman idea that suicide is a duty in certain contingencies.’ Russia’s Gain by Immigration.—Notwithstanding the bad reputation of Russia as a fatherland, there seem to be some who prefer it to their own. The report of an Imperial Commissioner shows that an average of 800,000 foreigners go to seek a residence in the Muscovite Empire annually. From 1872 to 1882 the number of immigrants was 9,458,132, as follows : Germans, 4,871,571; Austrians, 1,305,133 ; Persians, 255,207 ; French, 122,771 ; about equal numbers of Turks, Roumanians, Bulgarians and Servians, 70,387 ; English, 41,873 ; Italians, 20,691. Chinese are emigrating to Siberia in large numbers. THEIR RIGHTS. Woman. To charm, to flirt, to smile, to frown. To lead her lovers up and down. To shop, to boss, to coax, to scold And secrets she should keep unfold Are undisputed ‘women's rights,’ In which all womankind delights. Man. To swear, to drink, to chew, to smoke. To gamble till he’s wholly broke. To flirt, to boast, to fume, to fret Because it’s dry, because it’s wet. Are undisputed rights of men. And practised by nine out of ten. Life.—There is nothing stranger to youth than the persistency with which age proffers its experience ; there is nothing more trying to age than the determination of youth not to accept it. The fathers, mothers, and guardians, who have learned their hard lessons, would be glad to impart their knowledge, without its ruinous price, to those they love. But the youngsters will have none of it. No ; they must buy their own wisdom, ‘ dree their own weird,’ ‘ pay the piper ’ themselves. No yearning affection can shield them from the trials and temptations they rush so gaily to meet. But why should the elders continually mourn that such is the case ? They have spent their lives in learning how to live. So did their predecessors. Their children wifi do the same. The law is universal. Triplets Seventy Years Old.—Matthew A., Daniel and William A. Grant were born September 23, 1821, in a farm-house in the centre of Torrington, Connecticut. They have always been hard-working farmers,and are now strong, rugged men. William and Daniel look much alike, and are very often mistaken one for the other, but Matthew is of a little different type, being shorter and more thick set. They all have light grey eyes, white hair and weatherbeaten countenances. William and Daniel live together in Torrington, but Matthew lives by himself in West Burrville. One thousand people crowded the opera house at Torrington on the evening of September 23rd to see the Grant triplets, undoubtedly the oldest in the world, who that day celebrated their seventieth birthday. The greatest enthusiasm was manifested by all, and every one seemed bent on getting as much out of the celebration as possible.