MISCELLANEOUS.

New Zealand Graphic, Volume VIII, Issue 48, 28 November 1891, Page 644

MISCELLANEOUS.

Waiter (deferentially) : ‘ Soup, sir?' Fuddled Actor (ferociously) : ‘No, sir; leading man.’ ‘ Oh, I have so much to say to you,’ said Clara. * And I to you,’ said Maude. ‘ Let’s go to the concert to-night.’ Wooden : ‘lf you will not marry me, I shall certainly lose my mind.’ Mamie : ‘ Well, I don’t believe it would be noticed.’ Young Mother : * What in the world makes the baby cry so ?’ Young Father : ‘ I quite think he heard me say I managed to get a little sleep last night.’ Small Boy : ‘ Ma, can me and Sally have some cake ?’ Mamma: ‘Johnny, you must remember to speak grammatically.’ Small Boy: ‘All right! Can I have some cake ?’ Egoticus : ‘ I mean to so live that when I die all the great cities of the earth shall quarrel over the question of my birthplace.’ Witticus : ‘ Yes ; each one will lay the blame on some other.’ A Dangerous Rival.— ‘ Who is that giddy young thing over there to whom all those young men are paying so much attention?’ ‘That’s the chaperon,’ shouted a chorus of girls. Hotel Proprietor : ‘You say you want a job as waiter. Your face seems familiar to me. Weren’t you a guest of this hotel last year ?’ ‘ Yes, sir. I have come around to get my money back.’ What They W anted.—‘ Now, boys,’said the Sunday School superintendent, ‘ what shall 1 tell you about this morning?’ ‘ The sluggin’match ’tween David’n’Gerlier,’ cried the infant class. ‘Ah, John,’she said, just before the marriage. ‘ I fear I’m not worthy of yon. You are such a good man.’ ‘Never mind that, Martha, I’ll change all that after the wedding.’ Mrs Suburban : ‘ You certainly must admit, my dear, that women who live in town haven’t the complexions we have out here. Mrs Townville : ‘ Oh, I am sure you must be mistaken, we use exactly the same things.’ ‘ Yes,’ said the chairman, sadly, ‘ our temperance meeting last night would have been more successful if the lecturer hadn’t been so absent minded.’ ‘What did he do?’ ‘He tried to blow the foam from a glass of water. ’ The One to be Ashamed.—Well dressed Party : ‘No, I’ve got nothing for you. Ain’t you ashamed to be begging ?’ Beggar : ‘ You are the one to be ashamed—dressed up like a gentleman, and not a tanner in your clothes.’ Seedy party (to publican): ‘Your refusal, sir, to trust me a paltry drink of whisky fills me with astonishment ! Publican : ‘ You can fill yourself up with astonishment as long as you like ; but if you want to fill yourself with whisky you will have to pay cash.’ Overmatched.—Mrs Maguire (to undersized policeman): ‘So yez has a warrant for running me in, ’av’ yez? Now young man, allow me to ax how yez intind goin’ along wid me. Shall I carry you, or will you have an ambulance?’ Aseye : ‘ Yes, it was big stakes and very exciting. I had three aces and he was drawing to a Hush. My heart was in my mouth.’ Bob Taylor : ‘ And'the other fellow ?’ Aseye : ‘ Oh, he wasn’t scared at all—firs heart was up his sleeve.’ Rev. Jones Clutterby (to his seatmate in the train): ‘ How fast we travel ! But, ah, young man, have you ever thought of the Hight of time ? Think of the fleeting hours of youth, the golden days that swiftly pass away? Have you ever counted the minutes ’ Battersby (unregenerate and unsuspicious) : ‘ What are you trying to do ? Sell me a watch ?’