MISCELLANEOUS.

New Zealand Graphic, Volume VII, Issue 11, 14 March 1891, Page 20

MISCELLANEOUS.

Tommy : ‘ What makes the world go round, papa ?’ Father : (absent - mindedly) : * Champagne generally, sometimes beer.’

Jones : ‘ Was it not disgraceful the way in which Smith snoredin church yesteiday?’ Brown: *1 should think it was. Why, he wakened us all.’ * This,’ said the dear girl, as she led the way into a secluded little nook in the conservatory, * is what papa calls his “ match box.” Everybody comes in here to propose.’ Creation of the World.—Teacher : ‘ Now, children, God made the world in six days.’ Little Joe (with logical turn of mind): ‘But He did not finish it. Look at all de houses buildin’ and de boys and girls dat have to grow !’ Lawyer.- ‘ Well, aunty, what can I do for you !’ Aunt Ebony: ‘ I want a dee-vo’ce frum ma husban’.’ Lawyer: ‘What’s he been doing?’ Aunt Ebony: ‘Doin’? Why, he gone got relig’n an’ we ain’t had a cbickun on de table foh a month.’

‘ The idea of Diana kissing Endymion in his slumber,* said the girl. ‘ Would you kiss me if I fell asleep, Mr Harvard?’ ‘l’m afraid I would, Miss Beens.’ ‘Well, I’d like to see you,’ she gently returned, as she removed her spectacles. Why He Did It.—Old Brown (bringing out the strap): ‘Do you know why I’m going to whip you, my son ?’ Little Johnny: ‘ ’Cause I’m small. If I was as big as that man next door who called you a liar last night you wouldn’t put a finger on me.’ Fred: ‘What! Fight a duel on account of a woman? No, sir. If I caught a man flirting with my wife I’d invite him to come for a day’s shooting—just as I’ve invited you—and then if an accident were to occur—' John : ‘ Heavens ! I hope you don’t suspect me !’ ‘My friends and fellow citizens,’began the impassioned orator, ‘ the gentleman whom we are about to nominate is a man beyond suspicion.’ * Sure that’s what he is,’ shouted an opposing voter. ‘ What we’ve got ag’in him is all facts.’ An Anti-Climax.—Lady lecturer on Woman’s Rights (growing warm) : ‘ Where would man be if it'had.not been for woman.’ (After a pause, and looking around the hall.) ‘ I repeat, where would man be if it had not been for woman ?’ Voice from the gallery : * E’ed be in Paradise, ma’am.’ Personally Conducted Tours —Globetrotle : ‘ Did you ever travel on a personally conducted tour ?’ Mr Meeke : ‘ Often.’ Globetrotle : ‘Whom did yon have for manager ?’ Mr Meeke : * My wife.’ Mr Sampson (passionately): ‘I love you devotedly. Miss Chumley, but my pecuniary affairs nave prevented my making a declaration until now. But I have put enough away now to feel justified in asking you to become my wife.* Miss Chumley (hesitating, but sweetly): * I confess that I am not wholly indifferent to you, but—but ’ ‘ But what, dear?* * Would you mind telling me how much you have put away ?*

Miss Gowitt : ‘ Wby did you come down to the beach, Mr Colday ?’ Mr Colday : ‘To see yon.’ Miss Gowitt: ‘ Well, you may as well go back to the city. I don’t bathe ; I only stioll down to the beach to look on.’