You Don’t Say So!

Fair Play, Volume I, Issue 25, 1 September 1894, Page 14

You Don’t Say So!

What price Larnach for the Agent-Generalship ?

Does Miss Hill teach Naim to paint, or vice versa ?

“ Joe" Allen lias been doing some excellent pen-and-ink work for Government House.

The most unpopular man amongst West Coasters (5.1.) is undoubtedly Sir liobert Stout.

laving is as dear in Wellington as it is in many inland townships unconnected by rail.

There are sixteen lawyers in the recently elected New South Wales Parliament. God help New South Wales.

A Colyton (Manawatu) man, is said to be returning from Coolgardie with £60,000, made in two years. Good biz 1'

The Nelson Evening Star is under the management of the Hall family, who will do comps work and all. It should pay.

Mr. Jack Kerr is backing up the new Nelson paper. Mr. Canavan, late of the Beef ton Times, and formerly of Carterton Observer, is the editor.

The Alexandra dredge (Buller river) which cost over £SOOO was sold by cx-M.H.B. Beeves at Beefton last month for £240. Poor shareholders!

If ladies get into the House, Dr. Newman’s practice should increase. When a lady obtains a month’s leave of absence she won’t forget her champion in politics.

It is possible that Mr. Gilmer, of Nelson, brother of Wellington Boyal Oak Gilmer, will take the Albert Hotel, Wellington.

Mem: If you are going to Coolgardie take along the household Tom cat with you. Worth a pound a piece at Cool-' gardie, so a yarn in an Australian paper goes.

Times must be ’ard, oh, very hard, in sunny Sydney. In the sixpenny restaurants there the rule now is to demand cash down before the customer takes up his knife and fork. "

“ Commercial’’ Henton is the most popular traveller on the West Coast (S.I). There are no Quaker’s meetings when-he is about.

Of the 800 odd quartz-stampers in the Inangahua district, only some ninety are at work. Good stone is.scarce in those parts.

What is the name of the Government clerk who, receiving an invitation from Lady Glaagow to an At Home, took the card with him and presented it ?

Talmage, the parrot with a cold-voiced “ follower of the meek and lowly, etc.,” who was here recently, is said to get £SO for every lecture he delivers. And he’s close fisted with it!

The sickly twaddle published in most New Zealand papers re Sir George Grey’s private affairs, must be sickening to the veteran.

A man, slightly the worse for liquor, was' looking at Nairn’s pictures in MoGregor Wright’s window. Turning to a bystander, he asked, “ Have you ever had them ?” referring to the picture of a girl under an apple tree. “ No; have you ?” was

the reply. “Oh, yesl That’s Gollan’s Valley whiskey to a T.’’

Mrs. Bhodes (Wadestown) is the most charitable lady in the Wellington district. Her unexpected visits have cast rays of sunshine into many an afflicted household.

At Murchison (Buller river) they have given up football after one match, -m which five players were seriously injured in the first spell. The teams averaged 15st.

The proposed duty on imported wheat is the rottenest proposal this Government has ever made. So at least says a prominent Government supporter.

Is it true that a certain legal gentleman, who has a lot to say about drainage, is himself the financial backer of a drain pipe maker ?

Henry Brett, of the Auckland Star, has been in Wellington recently, “smelling round” after the New Zealand Times some people have said, but in reality selling some paper for which he has the New Zealand agency.

The Wellington Kennel Club should have an excellent show this year. Greater interest is being taken in doggy matters every year in Wellington, and it is certainly high time the New Zealand Kennel Club had its head-quarters here.

Pollard’s Lilliputian Opera Company are due at the Opera House at Christmas. Glad to see them, as soon as,they like. A rattling good show' those kids give. Pretty large-sized kids some of them are by this time.

“Teddy” O’Borkesome couple of years back'hadn’t enough money to jingle on a tombstone, yet now he has. just leased the magnificient Pah Estate near Onehunga. ABBhodes lead to fortune evidently. :

Hilda Spong, the clever young Australian actress, who played Bosalind so well here recently, is going to London shortly. With more experience she ought to do well. Her father thinks her a second Essie Jenyns.

The Bulletin says that “ Overtures have been made to Mrs. Yates, the lady Mayor of Onehunga, to visit Australia on a lecturing tour.” By all means, let her go, says the male portion of Onehunga.

We go from home to learn news—really important news. The Bulletin says :—“ Badical Premier Seddon affects a particular kind of unbleached socks.” We suppose the Bulletin's correspondent has a mother who does Dick’s washing.

Information re the Colonies. English mamma, instructing kid: “ You see, my dear, the Antipodes live on the other side of the earth, and they only go to bed when we are getting up.” Kid (gifted with powers of observation): “ Then, I suppose papa is an Antipode, eh 1”

Max O’Bell’s new book on Australia (and, we suppose, New Zealand) is to be published next month. Wonder what he’ll say about' Wellington ? Fifty to one there’ll be that venerable chestnut about always being able to recognise a Wellingtonian by his ; but there, you know the rest. ■

A petition signed by many members of the. House of Commons has been sent to the London newspapers- requesting the suppression of Divorce Court facts and such’matters as relate to immorality. If the papers refuse' to- report such things for the future, what a “ fling” some people will have.' Fear of publicity prevents a good deal of wickedness now-a-dayis.

Mrs. Lady Mayor Yates is a smart woman, and cBd r well as a lobbyist, but she couldn’t get the House to stomach the

Onehunga Cemetery Bill. It was chucked out, as might have been expected, but wasn’t that crankish production of the venerable Waterproof—beg pardon—Mclntosh, tbe Riverton Harbour Board Bill. The Lords will do the dreadful deed, however, and the old man will soon be lamenting the wickedness of the Council.

Wellington chemist’s assistant: “Are you going to discharge me, then ?” Chemist, who is a bit of'a dorg: “ Well, I think we can dispense without you I”

Five days and ten hours from Liverpool to New York by the Cunarder Campania. That’s the Atlantic record, and a darned good one, too!

If it hadn’t been for the Waipiro, poor old Tawhaio might, have lived ten years longer. Wine (rum) and women were his two weaknesses, and between them they killed the so-called Maori King.”

By the way, Tawhaio’s father, Te Whero Whero, used to boast his decent from Hotonui, who came over in the canoe Tainui, from the legendary Hawaiiki some seventeen generations ago. A. lie probably, but a picturesque mendacity.

Who’s responsible for the shocking bad light given by the “ electric” lights on the streets ? The Corporation is getting very bad value for its money. Is the Company making an extra profit out of us ?

Newspapers, as a rule, are allowed a certain amount of latitude when criticising hon. members, but a recent attack by the Auckland Graphic on Mr. P. J. O’Regan oversteps the bounds of decency altogether.

Lady Augusta Boyle, while waiting for a fritnd whom she had driven to a residence in Wadestown, kindly took some little children for a spin up and down the road. The favoured mites wear their Sunday best on week days now, and will not speak to their former acquaintances, who are too common, don’t-yer-know 1

An Auckland man went to a local police station the other day and said that he was J ack the Ripper, and that the police wanted to poison him. Most evidently mad. Why, were he Jack himself he would be worth .£2OO to the bobby who collared him. Poison him forsooth —he’d be worth more than that to catch alive, and then hang.

Hinfant O’Regan, it is said, only had nine years schooling in his life, and that under the tuition of the Rev. Father Hoi-, land, of Reefton. That holy gentleman says his pupil in his younger years gave many promises of a great career. Let us hope the Hinfant will not “ go back” on the old man.

Talmage—Tal-mage. Mage (French) means ancient priest. Tal or Tel (also French) means resemblance. Here we have it. Tel-mage or Talmage, resembling an ancient priest. See? His utterances are only fit for the ancients. Modern people know too much.

The Minister of Labour would like to go, but Seddon says “NoGo I” His colleagues-mayn’t like W. P. R., but they can’t do without him. After all he is the one real good debater in the Ministry, and the holes he gets them out of are innumerable. They don’t like him, but they can’t spare him.

There were two little Taranaki street lads, nice boys, but. given to slang, who were on their way to the Mount Cook school and spankings the other day.. Billy: “ You look, as if you hadn’t ’ad no Seep last night.” “No morel aint,” said Billy; '• there’s-been such a clatter in the house, I’ve got a new baby brother, wot came from heaven last night.” “Ave yer? Why, my little brother only went to heaven'on Thursday?” Billy: “ ’Ere (reflectively), wot price; it’s the same kid?’ _

The Queen of Italy has had a narrow squeak for her life in the Alps, owing to a noble lord to whom suo was attached falling dead. of apoplexy. Apoplexy, by the way, is very liable to attack stout and middle-aged people who go too high up a mountain.

The Anti-Cbineso Association has our sympathy, but at tho next meeting Mr. John Walter ought to bo muzzled. This gentleman said, “ If ho could got permission, ho would load a force of 100 men to shoot down every Chinese tradesman.” Blatherskiting braggart 1

Another Auckland woman bogl<h municipal honours. She runs a pub, and she thinks she can run the Town Council as well. Yatoism is growing. When is it to broak out iri Wellington ? Petherick told to “Be Quiet Do," by a lady Mayor, would be a sight worth witnessing.

Happy thought. Have a lady Mayor, hold tho Council meetings on the Opera House stage, and admit tho public at a bob a head to see fun. Proceeds to tho Home for Lost Dogs or similar institutions. Money in it 1

Why did the Governtnont mislead the Houso when they introduced the Bank of New Zealand Bill ? They made out they had only known of the affair a tow days, and tho Bank pooplo had also been in a terrific hurry, whereas the London officials says the whole scheme was arranged six months ago, and there was no urgency is the Government made out.

The Government ought to explain, but thoy won't, and after all they are right. Why trouble to explain an apparent misrepresentation, when their shoop-liko majority do just ns they are bidden, and haven’t a soul to call their own. “ Dumb dogs all” they are in this shameloss businoss.

The other night Ho Hem Smith shouted out to the Government Whip, “Dontput a padlock on us.” IJo Horn doesn't want a padlock; what ho ougfctt to have is a muzzle. He’s becoming a perfect nuisance. “ Tommy Rot from Taranaki,” is what the Hansard men call his speeches.

Isn’t it rather mean of Dr. Newman to retire from tho Wellington Jockey Club, seeing that tho Club spends a lot of money in Iris district, and in times gono by tho racing men havo stood staunchly by the little doctor at election times ? But the doctor's playing to the goody goodies now a-days. It is time the little man had a political rest. He's beginning to suffer from “ swelled head.”