You Don’t Say So!

Fair Play, Volume I, Issue 22, 1 June 1894, Page 4

You Don’t Say So!

Sir Pathriok’s a foine fellow, but be won’t be Perceval’s successor in the Agent-Generalship. Mr. Walter Nathan joined the firm of Bannatyne and Co. early in May. A smart man joins a smart firm. A tip. J. G. Ward will be the next Premier—that is if Stout doesn’t do the trick and oust Seddon. What price, Dick, as Agent-General ? Norman M‘Donald, once very well known in the Woodville district as a surveyor, has'settled down in .Samoa, where he runs a cocoanut plantation and is Government surveyor. Wealth always has luck. Wilson, the Victorian millionaire and racehorse owner, has a big interest in some of the best paying reefs at Coolgardie. Miss Braddon, the well-known English novelist, is said to have joined the Roman Catholic Church. So has Marion Crawford, the American novelist.. There is not a finer soil in New Zealand than that of Hawke's Bay, yet the Napier people eat tons of Tasmanian potatoes. What’s the reason of this ? Laziness 1 The King (Vigilant) fund amounts to over £BO. Some of the “ sports” rolled up well with their guineas, but the total should have been twice as much as it is. Young Charlie Hector, a son of our own Sir James, is doing well at Edinburgh University, where he is studying medicine. He recently won a valuable prize. Our young New Zealanders always seem to do well at Edinburgh. When is the Parnell memorial balance-sheet to be published ? And if any of the money has gone astray, why is not the culprit punished ? Answers requested to these two questions. Auckland University’s two new professors, Egerton and Seager, are respectively thirty one and twenty five, and -both bachelors. A dead set will be made at them by the “ cultchawed” section of Auckland sassiety. Wanted, at the Free Library, sorm more common sense and a little: less red tape. It is not the fault of the librarian, Mr. Rowe, a most sensible and courteous official, but of the Library Committee of the Council, who are a “bit off” in managing the afiairs of the institution. The Poverty Bay Herald is owned by Mr. A. R. Muir, brother of Mr. W. Muir, of Wellington. The late editor of the Herald is about to bring forth a second newspaper in Gisborne. The last opposition paper in Toverty Bay lasted five months, and was started on a capital of .£lO ! Fied Thomas, the well-known whistling ventriloquist, has started “ sixpenny pops” in Napier. Fred can tell a grand story —smoking-room style—and his whistle is wonderful. Also, he likes to wet it occasionally, and generally asks a friend to join him. “ Joofroy Doorbangs, as the Press (before it became the Depress) once christened the genial little son of Gaul, is coming again to Wellington as French Consul. Not a bad billet—£6oo a year; hours 2to 4. Just the billet to suit us, were it not that we have a holy mission to fulfill in running Faib Play.

New weekly paper in Auckland called The Searchlight. It is edited by 0. A. Wilkins, for some years on the Observer. According to London Sketch, George Lohmann, the famous English cricketer, intends to settle in Melbourne. A Melbourne proverb. New version: Take care of the pence and reconstruction will take care of the pounds. Gore, the Southland town, is now lit by electricity. Hope the light is better than it is in Wellington. Yery high-toned 1 Some ** cultchawed” squatter advertises in Melbourne Argus for “ propeller of horned cattle.” Thus the witty Bulletin : Ex-brewer Thomas Smith has presented a bronze statue of “ Her Gracious” to Adelaide. Beer ought to have stopped short of a bust 1 The well-known and popular piece “ Richard and Reynard” has had a long run in Wellington. People are getting very tired of the press criticisms of this burlesque. It is said that the rival brewery lords, Baron Hindlip (Allsopp that was) and Lord Burton (the immortal Bass man) each drink the other fellow’s ale. Probably a lie I Rumour re Joe Evison (Ivo) going to be backed by H. D. Bell, M.H.R., in weekly paper in Wellington, has been contradicted. The great Ivo remains in Christchurch, and, it is alleged, will contribute occasional leaders to the Press. The latest sensation in Wellington clerical circles is a parson’s wife who carts about a dirty mongrel-bred fox terrier, clothed after the manner of a twenty guinea prize poodle. “ Aint it sickenin’ Onehunga has been christened by the New Zealand Times the “ dirty borough”—all along of its bad drainage and its ruffianly treatment of Mrs. Yates, the lady Mayor. The Post is more blown out with self-conceit and vain glory than ever. E. T-. Gillon has gradually come to believe that he is the journalistic Almighty of the colony, and wears his own little tin halo with a most exasperating arrogance. Charles Otto Montrose, one of the smartest men Auckland Observer has had, is now in London, helping Rathbone, another old Observer man, to d'o London correspondence for Auckland and Dunedin Stars and Wellington Times. Montrose was here in Wellington as agent for Miss Alice Sydney Burnett, whose concerts here, were such pitiful frosts. L. W. Parsons, late of the Thames Advertiser, has been appointed editor of the Poverty Bay Herald. A thankless job editing a Gisborne paper. There are about forty lawyers in the place, and each of them reads the local rag through and through every day, hoping and praying to heaven that he may find something libellous, and so get a case—and his fees. They do say that Glasgow and King Dick don’t hit it very well. All the same, Dick will have his way about the new Lords, and quite right, too. The idiotic way the Tory section of the Council behaved with regard to some of last year’s Bills—notably in connection with the Conciliation and Arbitration Bill—was beyond all endurance. Apropos to “Charley’s Aunt,” the riotously farcical comedy which Frank Thornton produces in Wellington shortly, it is stated that Bland Holt tried hard to get the Colonial rights, but was outbid by Charles Arnold, who bought the right for Thornton for A big sum, but then the piece was a tremendous hit in London, and has drawn immense houses wherever it has been played in Australia.

Rumour in Auckland has it that Grey can’t come back to New Zealand. Ten to one that rumour is wrong in this particular instance. Stationmaster Brebner, of Gore, is proud of his new station building, though he thinks the Commissioners might have spent a few hundreds more while they were about it. Auckland “ amatoors” recently produced ‘ Madame Favart.’ It ran nine nights, and the takings were £645, nevertheless the club '•n.mft out £IOO to the bad. Somebody got a fine haul. Who was it ? The Chow element is daily getting stronger in Wellington. Te Aro is simply overrun with Chow shops, and Wellingtonians munch their filth-grown cabbagee with all the more zest in that they get it a little cheaper than the European grown article. E. D. Hoben ( Post ) is, says an American visitor, the “ dead spit” of Zimmermen, the cyclist. He is one of the smartest reporters we have in Wellington; let us hope he will develop into a phenomenal wheelman. The Rothschild family, rich as they are, evidently don’t despise the good oldthree balls business,” judging by the fact a pop shop has recently been opened on Lambton Quay What do the “ toff” shopkeepers think of the new departure ? Huddart, Parker, and Co. say they are satisfied with the Tasmania’s returns. The boat isn’t making a million for the company, but she pays her way. Jimmy Mills, of the Union Company, doesn’t look happy at all. How much diseased meat is there in Wellington ? Cancer is increasing every year, and bad tucker is the cause. If the Social Reform League were not a bogus organisation, a Tory clique in disguise, it would take up this matter of diseased meat in real earnest. A determined attempt will be made next session to get the Government to take over the Wellington and Manawatu line. At present the freights charged are hurting the dairy industry up the coast, and all the West Coast members will be in favour of the proposed move. Hope Thornton will give us “ Sweet Lavender” again while he is here. His inimitable Dick Phenyll, a Bohemian worthy of Thackeray’s pen, will be remembered by all who saw. it. The piece will much better stand reproduction than th#» “ Private Secretary.’’ Melbourne Y.M.C.A. Buildings, the finest place of its kind in this hemisphere, has beenturnedinto a club for banker’s clerks, and where once the good young man used to gather and worship each other’s holiness, will now resound the merry click of the wicked billiard ball. What a falling off is there, my friends. A little crowd of Christchurch faddists, “ faymale women,” are trying to get “rational dress” adopted. As “ rational” dress, as these Christchurch people understand it, is the weirdest and most villaniously ugly of costumes, the chances of its coming into anything like widespread favour are somewhat remote. A son of the late Madame Carandini is an officer in the English Army and is stationed in India. When the Duke of Edinburgh was out in the colonies, he took a fancy to the lad and got a commission—one of the few generous actions ever reported of that very mean scion of the Anglo-German royalties. Despite the hard times, it's almost impossible to find a decent house to let in Wellington just now. What will it be when a few more years have gone by? Wellington hasn’t much Space to grow, and where all the people are going to stow them; selves away, is;a perfectmastery. -

E. D. Hoben, M.H.B. How does it sound, oh ? Sinoo Seddon snubbed the Post young man, his ambition is more unbounded than ever. He’ll bo member for Mudflat some day. Then, Seddon, tor-remble l “ The Second Mrsi Tanqueray” is said to be a most “ improper” play, yet its author, the versatile Pinero, has built a lordly mansion out of the profits thereof. Thera’s money in *ho “improper”—on the stage. John “Junius” Mackenzie has boon having a bad time of it lately. In his efforts to spite the Times ho is likely to do himself more harm than good. Sonsible Seddon ought to -keep cho robustious Jock in better order. • The absurd gush in the dailies over Bessie Doylo, avery medioore fiddler, as fiddlers go, was very muoh resented by the public who patronised the show. Wait till Oamille Urso oomes round, and then we shall listen to a great artiste.' The story goes that Maxwell, until recently a member of “The Tyrant Trio,” os the late Board of Railway Commissioners used unjustly to be colled, is to bo appointed consulting engineer to the Westport Coal Company. A good man for the billet, and good news for the shareholders. George Clutsam, once well known in Auokland os a fine musician, is doing very well in the Old Country. Ho has recently been travelling with the long-haired “ Paddy Boosky,” and is a private pupil of that distinguished pianist. Another shearer’s strike pending on the “ other side." The squatters are taking advantage of the depression, and want to reduce the rate by three bob; also to have all tho shod rulos made in their own favour ; also, last, but not least, they would vastly like to smash up the Association which they won’t, not just yet awhile. For a canting, hypocritical friend of the Australiim bonk swindlers, you can’t beat the Sydney Morning Herald. It whines, and wails, and moralises over the Loan and Mercantile robbers, and yet during the bonk collapse “on the other side” it hadn’t hardly a word to say about the local thieves. And yet the Herald is a most respectable, paper 1 They are talking about agitating for the appointment of a Health Officer and suitable quarantine accommodation lor the port of Picton. The local Press points out that vessels from foreign parts call at Picton, and are brought alongside, sims enquiry, sans inspection, sans everything. One of these fine days they’ll be having a nice little consignment of cholera, measles, typhoid, or something. A story is told of a well-known Christohuroh man who, passing through Wellington on.his way Auokland, saw “To Let,” in Mr. T. K. M-Donold’s auction room window., He is said to have gasped for breath and exolaimed:—“Well, I’m Mowed! Wellington must be in a d—- bad way when poor old T. Kennedy has to own up that he oan’t make a living r’ The Manawatu Bailway Company have deoided to connect ach of their trains with the telephone system which ’covers the extent of the railway. A telephone is to be fixed upinthe guard’s van, together with a reel of wire, at one end ofwhich is an iron hook. In oase of accident, the train.is stopped; : ahd the hook is thrown over the permanent telephone, wire, vtijuts&ttercepting the telephone currents and munication with all the : stations along the line; ar wellaa withtho head office. We understand that the experiments which have been made by Mr. Fulton, the company’s engineer, havo been entirely successful.