Wellington Terrace Saturday [Jan 1852] My dearest Donald I received both your letters from Porirua and also the one by Mr McDonald today and I feel so distressed my dearest husband to think you are unwell. How I wish I was with you. I shall feel quite heavy till I hear from you again. Do take care of yourself love for the sake of your wife who is so devotedly attached to you. You will be glad to hear that I am much better since you left. I am beginning to get an appetite. I intend to commence bathing on Monday. The Doctor called yesterday and I was talking to him about coming to live here instead of going back to Papa's. He agrees with me in thinking that it would be much better if we could persuade him to come here as it is much more cheerful and healthy. I really wish we could for I am sure I never will be quite well there. It is very strange that I never have an appetite when up there and always have something wrong with me but in this house I feel quite different. I begin now to get a little red in my cheeks which my darling Donald was so anxious to see. We must see what we can do when you come home. Dr Featherstone says he will speak to Papa the first time he sees him. Poor Papa seems in much worse spirits since you left. He misses you I know. I do all I can to cheer him but I am sure nothing will do him good except going away for some time. He went with me last evening to see Mrs Paul. She wishes me to try and get him down there often. It will perhaps cheer him a little and it is the only place he will go to. We went to see poor Mama's grave on Thursday. I felt more composed than I expected but I am obliged to strug[g]le with my feelings for poor Papa's sake. I feel very dull sometimes when alone. I begin to think of days long gone. It will be a long long time my dear husband before I will be able to get over my grief. Everything brings her back to my remembrance. I could not help crying when I saw Mr McDonald today for he brought back to my mind the day dear Mama dined with Mr Hickson when he was there. I think it was the last time she dined out. How happy I was then. When I think that in this world we shall never meet again I feel as if my heart would break out but I know this is very wrong. I ought to submit patiently to the will of God and look forward to that world where I trust we shall meet to part no more. My dearest husband how thankful I ought to be that I have you to comfort me. It is such a consolation to know that I have one who shares all my sorrow. There is indeed no life so happy as a married life. A vessel from England came in yesterday and a namesake of yours has come out in it and has brought letters for you, one of them from your uncle. I forget who he said the others were from. I send them by Mr McDonald with this letter. Mr McLean came up with the letters today and I have asked him to come back to dinner. I must now my darling conclude for I expect Papa home immediately and I must get the table covered. I shall write on Monday by the mail. I send you a hundred kisses. You say every hour seems a day while you are away so I trust darling that it will cause you to come back the sooner. Mr McDonald told me that he wished you to go on to Rangitikei but that you said you could not on my account. You are a darling husband. I love you more than ever for that. I am afraid what I told you I suspected is true but perhaps it is as well that it is so. You need not fear that I have forgotten my promise the day before you left. God bless you my own dearest husband and believe me ever your affectionate and devoted wife Susan D McLean You are an old plague. You have not left me a good pen in the house. The one I am writing with is more like a pin than a pen. You stole all the black ones, also I had to send to Mrs Kirton for some.