Monday night 24 May [1852] My dearest Donald I must write you a few lines before I go to bed for I cannot let a day pass without writing to my darling old plague but you must forgive your pussy if she does not write much tonight as she is not very well. There is nothing particular wrong with me but you know I cannot expect to be always well at present. I did not walk farther than the Paul's today. I went there to ask Mary to postpone her visit for a few days longer. Those horrid painters did not look near us today and it will take three days at least before the rooms can be finished. I really wish they were done. It is so disagreeable to have no bedroom when I do not feel well, however grumbling will not make them any faster about their work so I must try to be patient. I have felt in very low spirits all day. Do you remember this night two years ago love how happy I was then. I am sure there was not one at the ball that night as happy as me for you had come back when I had given up all hopes of seeing you. Poor Mama, never shall I forget how she tried to comfort me all that day when she saw me dull by telling me she was sure you would be in yet. When I contrast my feelings tonight with what they were then what a change. Little did I think then that before two years were over she would be taken from me and I would be motherless. None but those who have felt that loss can imagine what it is, but dearest I must conclude for tonight. I feel I must go to bed. God bless and protect my only comfort in this world. Good night dearest. Tuesday evening Your poor Pussy love has not been at all well today but I am better now. I had two doses of castor oil. I did not get up till one o'clock.I have no doubt I shall be quite well tomorrow morning. Dr Featherstone came up this afternoon to tell me he was going tomorrow morning and he wished to know if I had any letters. He is not to be long away and I am in hopes my dear husband may come home with him, at least I shall have a letter. I have seen no one who has been at the ball. Papa said he heard it was very crowded. There is very little pleasure in those large balls. Mrs Kelham is coming up tomorrow and I shall hear an account of it from her. Mr Kelham, I heard, was very unwilling to go but she insisted on going. The idea of an old married woman being so fond of going out I am sure I would never ask my Donald to go to any party if he did not wish it. I love him too much. I know besides that it is my duty in all things to submit, although I have been disobedient at times. I have not seen Miss Hart since we called for Mrs Stephen. I don't think poor girl that she would enjoy the ball much. I wish pet, when you are at Whanganui, you would try and get some hams and bacon. You see your pussy always wishes some thing that shews you the folly of getting married. If you had still been a bachelor you would not have had anybody to torment you about getting something or another. Will my darling excuse me sending such a short letter but it must be sent down to Dr Featherstone's this evening and it is now late. I would have commenced writing sooner had I been well. Goodbye dearest Donald. I send you a thousand kisses Ever your own affectionate Susan D McLean