My dearest Donald The Dane has my letter which I wrote on Saturday but as he is not going till tomorrow I have yet another opportunity of writing to my darling husband. The Dane told Papa that you had dreadful weather after you left. How very unfortunate it was the day you left was so fine that I felt sure that weather would continue good and when I awoke the next morning days. It is a dreadful thought to me dearest but I fear that I will soon lose my dearest mother. O my husband how am I to bear this loss. I constantly pray that God in His mercy will grant me strength and resignation to submit to His will and I trust it will be granted to me. If you were only here to comfort me but I cannot give up hope. I trust that she may yet be spared to me. Dr Featherstone says that if we have fine weather and Mama could get out a little in the air she may yet get well. I try to comfort myself with this thought but Donald is it not dreadful to think that my darling mother is in danger. I fear my dear Donald when you hear that Mama is so ill you will get very anxious. I should not have mentioned it had I not felt sure that you would hear of it some other way. There is one thing which I entreat you my dear husband not to do. Do not, as you value your wife's happiness, risk your life in a vessel or fatigue yourself by hurrying overland as I am afraid in your anxiety for me you may do so. Do not then risk your life. If I were to hear that you were coming in a vessel I would be perfectly miserable and it might do me great suffering but I need say no more. I feel certain that you will take care of yourself for my sake. Do not feel any anxiety for me whatever trials our Heavenly Father may see fit to send me. I know he will give me strength to bear them all. On him I place all my reliance and He will never forsake those who put their whole trust in him. Do not then dearest be afraid for me when you know that I am in God's protection you have nothing to fear. I must now conclude for it is late. May every blessing be with you and believe me my dearest Donald. Your ever affectionate wife Susan D McLean Monday evening [ca Oct 1851]