Myself

Te Ao Hou, September 1968, Page 53

Myself Quite frankly, I define my character as being sensitive, shy, quiet, and simple. I have, I guess, these characteristics in my nature, because of my upbringing in my homeland, and through being among my people, the Maoris. But now, as I am becoming more involved in the new society of the Pakeha, other aspects of my character have developed. Before the age of fifteen, I had limited connections or associations with Pakehas, which perhaps was the cause of my shyness. I discovered this when I was confronted with this new and different society, while in search of better education. Now, however, after living in and understanding this Pakeha society, I have become more sophisticated, and this shyness is slowly dying. As I think back, I've found the real cause of my shyness was simply the fear of being resented by these people of a different race. It was my habit of trying to read their minds—to gauge their acceptance or resentment of my presence— which made me shun other people's acquaintance. Before, the Maori lived a simple life. I guess this is how I characterized this simple outlook. Now that I am more involved in the world of the Pakeha, I still am simple in outlook, but deep inside I am always curious, thinking. We must progress in this world, as it needs brain power, more than any other power perhaps. My quietness is caused by my inability to express myself during a conversation. Therefore I try to say something with as few words as possible. I am, as others are, frustrated in some ways. While others are frustrated with aspects of life, perhaps because they find no love, peace or happiness in life, I am frustrated because of the responsibilities in later life. I look ahead to the future with apprehension of what the future will bring, of the difficulties, the adversities to face up to, and to overcome. I realize my efforts are all in vain, as death is inevitable. While I'm young I must enjoy myself as other teenagers do. These days, one has many pleasures to occupy oneself. The