CATHOLIC SCHOOLGIRL’S CRUEL
Oasis most definitely suck. They’re unworthy of even licking the Beatle boots of the lowly Pete Best. I am a 14-year-old Catholic schoolgirl who hates alternative music and am extremely proud of it. My sparkling girlfriends and I came to, despise the impotent bubblegum of Oasis whilst luxuriating in the sunny glories of the recently released Beatles’ Anthology 2. We agree with everyone else with pristine taste and flawless teeth that, thus far, it is the finest record of the year. Oasis? Humbug! Mop-top replicants. Post-modern Merseybeat for prepubescents. They don’t move on stage or on record. The Beatles’ ‘Octopus’ Garden’ is preferable to an Oasis complete deluxe boxed set. My dazzling girlfriends and I love to curse Fagan-like, second-hand clothed, ‘alternative’ teenagers, who dismiss the Beatles, rather sniffily, as old hat and square. These dozy gits follow a pitiful dress sense whose lineage dates back to the ancient hippies. I really can’t understand why silly vegetarian sausages prefer the achey-breaky phlegm of Oasis’ ‘Wonderschmaltz’ to the carnivorous
delights of ‘Real Love’ by the Beatles. Maybe I’m just too naive and innocent to understand it all. Flutter, flutter. I don’t think so!
Oasis fans strike me as being similar to the cryogenic avant-gargoyles who populate the festering pits of the Incredibly Strange Film Mortuary. They’re the walking dead who are willing to suffer maggot-ridden rotten tripe celluloid on zed-core subjects, so society won’t call them, perish the thought, normal, and so they can keep their arty-art-less, ‘different’, casket-gripping friends. Well, call us sane, safe and boring, but when we delicious, amply proportioned schoolgirls get together for a lingerie party or a chat on dualistic interactionism, nothing quite pleases us more than the diamond studded sounds of the Beatles’ Anthology 2. Oasis, meanwhile, remain the embalming fluid of 90s pop. Clarissa Paglia, Opotiki.
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https://paperspast.natlib.govt.nz/periodicals/RIU19960601.2.22.2
Bibliographic details
Rip It Up, Issue 226, 1 June 1996, Page 9
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305CATHOLIC SCHOOLGIRL’S CRUEL Rip It Up, Issue 226, 1 June 1996, Page 9
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