SLAG

Rip It Up, Issue 178, 1 May 1992, Page 24

SLAG

Yes it was THAT TIME OF YEAR again - the NEW ZEALAND SOFT DRINK MUSIC AWARDS where EVERYONE from RADIO and TELEVISION pats themselves on the BACK for MAKING BANDS FAMOUS. UNFORTUNATELY for the Awards ceremony the organisers are FORCED to not only PLAY New Zealand music but also GIVE SOME BITS OF METAL away to the MUSICIANS THEMSELVES who were involved in the process SOMEWHERE along the LINE. To RETURN the COMPLIMENT the NOO ZEEALUND musicians turned up and GOT VERY PISSED. And WE PHOTOGRAPHED THEM. But SERIOUSLY FOLKS, whether you GIVE IT AWARDS or NOT, New Zealand music is BLOODY FUCKING AMAZING and should be played on RADIO and TELEVISION ALL THE FUCKING TIME. WHEN, Elvis asks, will we have a TOTALLY FREE 24-HOUR ALL-NEW ZEALAND MUSIC CHANNEL that PAYS LOCAL MUSICIANS in GOLD BARS and SWISSJMONEY BONDS??? WHEN INDEED? The channel would be called TUNELESS WHINERS IN DOC MARTENS CHANNEL and I reckon it would PAY FOR ITSELF in possibly LESS than ONE MILLION YEARS. Okay, NOW for the FUCKING PHOTOS...

Mr MICHAEL 'NICE GUY' GUDINSKI enjoys a lovely chat with Miss JANET of MUSH - WHOOPS I MEAN LOPYGRAM - Records. In this scene JANET tries to explain the whereabouts of the COMPANY CAR. Note the INTERESTING CAMERA ANGLE which has been obtained by Michael and Janet STANDING on ROGER SHEPHERD.

Yes he's EVERYONE'S BIG BROTHER - Mr TIMOTHY FINN here seen in CASUAL POSES OF THE RICH AND HARMONIOUS. Tim is ENGAGED in CONVERSATION with a VERY NICE WOMAN INDEED. And then AFTERWARDS gossip gossip rumour unfounded bullshit etc etc...

A good night for PUSH PUSH at the Awards. Here ANDY (left) and MIKEY celebrate receiving BEST SINGLE, BEST VIDEO, BEST SPACE BABIES T-SHIRT, BRAVEST CHOICE OF SHORTS, BEST SKIPPITY-SKIPPITY ACOUSTIC SET, BEST WAY OF HOLDING A GLASS, BEST KITCHEN SINK, etc...

THUNDERBIRDS star DANIEL 'BRAINS* WRIGHTSON (left) shares a moment with PAUL ÜBANANANA JONES (centre) and ADAM-HOLT LOOKALIKE.

Video director KERRY BROWN SINGS his NEW IDEA for a single to STAR TREK THE NEXT GENERATION crewmember RIKKI STICKY MORRIS. Hardworking Rikki is of course responsible for the LOVELY singles 'Nobody Else' and 'Bring Them All Back Aluminium Cans.'

SHIHAD bandmembers announced they ARE NOT INTO AWARDS but of course THEY ARE INTO PISS which is a GOOD THING because HOW ELSE would they explain the SILLY HAT?

'SO IS IT TRUE WHAT THEY SAY ABOUT GUYS WITH BIG NOSES THEN?' LOVELY PRETTY GIRLIE Miss FIONA CHICKEN McNUGGET pops the question to drummer Wayne Bell. Miss FIONA won the BIG BIT OF METAL for BEST GIRLIE-GIRL SINGY-WINGY at the Awards—WHAT A CLEVER CHOOK.

Oh that HARRY! Just the MENTION of the word BEER and OUT COMES THE SHINY LITTLE TONGUE. Well Harry-me-lad, just remember to WIPE UP THE DROOL AFTERWARDS.

The obligatory SHORT JOHN SILVER photo -Y0 HO HO and A BIG GLASS OF RUM WITH COKE IN IT THANKS. Here Shayne Silver LOOKS UP to the STARS, the MYSTERY that the FUTURE HOLDS, the CEILING with MOVING LIGHTS OH DEAR I THINK I'M GOING TO BE SICK -...

BEAMING SCOTTY of PUSHY PUPPY models the new BOY GEORGE LOOK. GREAT WORK, we'll LET YOU KNOW...

Yes, in the new film THE FISHER KING New Zealand poet ANDREW FAGAN (center) plays a DRUNKEN YOWSER HOBO who joins with a RICH YUPPIE SCUM BASTARD (right - played by DAVE 'MAKE MINE A LAGER' GENT of the POX-TENANTS) and gets FANTASTICALLY PISSED. Free CHRISTINE (left) with every ticket sold.

Here THESE WIDDLING WIVES leader MIKE O'NEILL has a GOOD CHUCKLE as MUSHROOM publisher lAN JAMES gives a SALES ESTIMATE for the forthcoming album. 'ONE UNIT-FUCKIN'ACE!!!'says OUR LAD MIKE.

◄ This year's Awards were so ENVIRONMENTALLY CONSCIOUS that the - TALL FLOPPY table started their own BOTTLE RECYCLING STATION after the 7 event. The GREENIES behind this IGEP > 7 NEW ZEALAND TIDY scheme are MIKEY 7 WIKEY SPIKEY (left) of LUSH LUSH and his manager Mr STEVE 'OLD WALKING-PUSSY JOKE', both of whom GALLANTLY OFFERED to EMPTY anything LEFT INSIDE the bottles before putting them in the BIG YELLOW BIN.