SL AG

Rip It Up, Issue 161, 1 December 1990, Page 31

SL AG

SPECIAL FUNKY FLAVA SLAG CHRISTMAS

I SAY WUH! WUH! Raise yuh HAND in thuh AIR! Now BLOW it AWAY! YoMO'FUCKA! Like SHINE my BEAK and call me a CHICKEN! Wooah! Gotta gotta gotta GOT TA! Take itto THUH BRIDGE! And now bring it BACK AGAIN! Wuh! Yuh! HNNNNNNNNHUH! Hnuh! Hnuh! Don't PAY ME muh DUES, just FRY EGGS ON MY SHOES! Wuh that ELVEEEEEEEES SLAG Bro! He's one um DEF MUTHAFUCKA! YUH! WUH! Yes we are FUNKY. FLAVA-SLAG comes to you LIVE FROM REMUERA. FUNKY WHITE STICK-PEOPLE type JIVE ASS gettin' DOWN. So SHAKE your DADDY'S HONDACIVICand JIVE with ELVIS the BAD MUTHA. Wuh! Yuh! We are SO BAD ASSED that we are goin' DOWN to CAUSE CHICKEN CELEBRE, thuh BAD ASS capital of HAAAAAIGH STREET. And yo! BITE MY DICK iffin it ain't SOUL BROTHER JIMMY "THE JAMES" BARNES. Wuh! Jimmy is in thuh corner talkin' to his BLOOD BROTHER, LEE ROCKER from washed up ROCKABILLY (rhymes with SILLY) band THUH STRAY CHICKENS. But brothers and sisters there are BAD VIBES gdin' DOWN. Jimmy Barnes' GIRLFRIEND BUMPS Lee Rocker and SPILLS his BEER all down his RIGHT LEG. "AH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA, MATE!" laughs Jimmy Bames, who is AUSTRALIAN. " HAVE YOU WET YOUR PANTS?" "No, I spilt my fucking drink, you stupid

Australian shit," say JIVE BRO LEE.

"IF YOU WET YOUR PANTS YOU CAN TELL WHICH SIDE YOUR DICK HANGS ON, AH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA MATE," says Jimmy, who has a degree in ASTROPHYSICS. And to prove it Jimmy takes his beer and POURS it down LEE's OTHER LEG.

And then brothersand sisters, PUSH comes toSHOVE. Lee PUSHES Jimmy. Jimmy HITS Lee. Lee says OW! Jimmy HEAD-BUTTS Lee. Lee says OW again already. Everyone at Celebre carries on DRINKING and says THESE GUYS ARE BETTER THAN GREG JOHNSON. BFM TELEPHONE COUNSELLOR DOMINIC ROSKROW ("Look, as a Herald journalist I pluck more funky chickens than any other bad-ass daily newspaper journo,") is CAUGHT in the ACT. See PHOTO above! The photo shows "ROCK" band NINE LIVEZ. But who is the FOURTH NINELIVEZ on the RIGHT play ing the IN FLATABLE FLYING V GUITAR? Oh moi gawd eel's DOMINIC ROSKROW! But why is he not writing a bad ass honky REVIEW of the BAND? Are they playing SUPPORT for someone MORE EXCITING? For instance, someonefrom OVERSEAS? Now as yuh all know it PAYS, I said it PAYS tuh be on the COVER of a magazine. And if you are on the COVER of MONITOR then YOU PAY. Yes the PHIL GOFF attitude to USER PAYS is ALIVE AND WELL when it comes to STUDENT MAGAZINES. So if you are FUNKY WHITE STUDIO COMBO and haveNEW ALBUM OUT then you GLADLY FORK OUT six hundred KISSEROOS to be on Monitor's cover. THIS IS AN ECONOMIC USER PAYS REALITY. It is howeverSLIGHTLY EMBARRASSING when you pay MORE to be on the cover than you paid to PRODUCE ONE SIDE OF YOUR NEW ALBUM. HOT DAMN! Take itto the BANK!

ELVIS FLAVA-SLAG