I will be most miserable and in fact had I not thought myself secure and safe where I was I might have got employment before this in conection with other people. The fact is my very brain is disturbed with the state of things and I would gladely do anything to get employment where I could depend on being paid. You know very well I worked hard for your interest which I considered my duty and you always hurt my feelings by saying I have worked on the interest of others. I think very few in my place would have done for the last five years without a sixpence only what I made of a few cows with hard labour and expence and now that door is shut I must see what way I am to do with the sheep so that I may get some of the wool