BY THE WAY.

Star (Christchurch), Issue 18009, 20 November 1926, Page 2

BY THE WAY.

SOME REFLECTIONS AND COLLECTIONS. (By One of the Boys). Water-polo weather! « » « Young Lady. “I want a pencil please.” Assistant; “Hard or soft?” Young Lady; “Soft, I want to write a love letter.” « “Did he die a natural death?” “\es, he was run over in the street.” Wife: “Oh, dear, I’m always forgetting.” Husband: “So I notice. Always for getting this or for getting that! ” She sang quite prettily, but her favourite song was called “Falling Dew,” and her father couldn’t stand it. He said it reminded him of the instalments on the car. “Some of the people who dine here,” said the hotel manager sadly, “seem to think that spoons are a sort of medicine—to be taken after meals.” Magistrate: “What’s the charge?” Policeman: “She slapped a man who was proposing to her.” “Ah—contempt of court—five pounds.” Diner: “Waiter, there’s a fly in my ice cream.” Waiter: “Let him freeze; it will teach him a lesson. The little rascal was in the soup last night.” Among the new beauties in the “Miss N.Z.” Beauty Contest it was most appropriate that there should be a Miss Ford. Her friends predicted that she would come with a rattle at the finish. “Blouses are all nonsense,” says Professor Leonard Hill. Well, these days girls don’t go in for more than a very little nonsense now and then, which, of course, is relished by the wisest men. “Got no time for this wireless,” said Bill. "Since we got a set the wife won’t let me go to the club any more. I think I’ll see Charlie Thomas and sue her for restoration of convivial nights. ♦.* *.♦ The Railway Department isn’t so callous, after all. They’ve refrained from tempting excursionists to Timaru on Sundays. There were bachelors and benaddicts before the Supreme Court this session. The Yanks want the advertising men to help them to stem the tide of tin. pularityof Americans abroad. One way is not to advertise themselves. Interested Party (to motorist pulled up at the wayside for repairs): “Do you have much trouble with your car?” Exasperated Motorist: “Trouble? I couldn’t have more trouble if I was married to the blessed thing.” A Scotsman and an American were standing watching a procession of unemployed passing along a street in London when the American remarked: ‘ I guess we wouldn’t allow that kind of thing where I come from.” “An whaur dae ye come irae?” “God’s own country,” replied the American ‘ls that so?” observed our friend “ but ye’ve an a-wfu’ puir Scotch accent.” :: a First Salt: “Seen old Ginger lately Sam ?” Second Sait: “Not exactly seen ’mi, I ain’t; but old Bill Parr told Jimmy that young Ben said Alf Adams thought ’e seen ’im.” Tammas was invited to a golden wedding, and on making inquiries found that he was expected to give a present made of gold. He solved the problem by presenting the worthy couple with a bowl of goldfish. a a Nervous Old Lady: “There’s no le&r of your horse running away, I hope?” Cabby: “Not a bit, Mum.” Nervous Old Lady: “He doesn’t shy at motors does he?” Cabby^: “Bless you. no. lady! Why tliat there 'orse didn’t even shy at railway trains when they fust come