NEWSPAPER DISTRESS MEETING.

Colonist, Volume V, Issue 465, 8 April 1862, Page 4

NEWSPAPER DISTRESS MEETING.

The present unexampled failure of the news' crop is producing a most disastrous effect upon the journals, and unless something shortly happeus, we do not go too far in saying tbat they will be reduced to the extremity of coming out with nothing but instructive and irreproachable matter iv them. The oldest sub-editor has r.evev known such a dearth, and there has been a strong feeling in tho newspaper offices that somo steps should be taken to meet the crisis. A preliminary meeting of subeditors has been held upon the subject; and although Mr. Punch is never in any clangor of suffering in the way iv which his contemporaries are afflicted, his warm and brotherly regard for them induces him to give publicity to the proceedings, iv order tbat the public may know how exceedingly hard is the task to supply it just now with the exciting reading which it requires. The gathering was held in the reporters' room in the office of tho Morning Flambeau. The meeting sat about where it could, and the veteran Mr. Shears was unanimously called to the chair. He laughingly responded that the meeting might be hanged, aud sat upon bis^ big table, swinging his legs in the most affable manner, and intimating that if anybody wanted to speak he might do so without any charge; meantime, be himself would have some pale ale. Mr. Clipper said they all knew too much about meetings to go into any gammon of that kind ; but if any gentleman would be obliging enough to tell him how to make up a paper, he would willingly stand tbat gentleman any refreshment he liked to put a name to, up to the amount of fourpence. Did they realise tbe fact that this last week they had actually printed the speeches at five agricultural dinners? (Sensation.) Mr. Slasher said that it was too true, and would add, in further proof of their condition, that he had that morning given out a report of an address by Mr. Spurgeon about the Gorilla. Mr. Clipper said that was not so bad, and he would be glad of a pull of it for his own paper. Mr. Slasher said of course ha should have it. But what was to be done ? Last week he had great hopes, for a follow came in with a grave statement that Blondin had had a tumble and was done for; and he had actually given out Blondin's memoir, aud written to a leaderwriter, requesting a column of spicy remarks upon the barbarity of such exhibitions; but it was a sell, a vulgar sell, now running about. You say to a fellow, ' B'.ondiu's killed/ and when he's done- being astonished, you say, ' 4 yes, Lo's skilled on the rope.' (Indignation.) Mr. Wary said that they had tried to do him in the same unprincipled uiam.er; but he had turned their dodge into v paragraph, stated the rumor, and added a contradiction. (' Of course.') But this was small game. They really ought to bave something ou v large scale. He was not going to bind himself or others by what be was going to cay, but suppose that a man could be found who for a certain consideration would blow up Tilbury Fort, did those present think that those whom they represented would help to make up a purse?

Mr. Dmbble said that was talking busi ness. Would the explosion demolish Graves end?

Mr. Wary said that it would smash Gravesend to pieces. He had ascertained Ihe quantity of powder.

Mr. Slasher saw no objection, and the meney would be no object; but he thoughttbat tbey would rather be playing into the hands of the illustrated papers than into their own. Views of the explosion, views of Gravesend in ruins, the air full cf shrimps and excisemen, and all that, would make tho fortune of the pieturefollowers; but ho thought that tho dalles would get little out of it. However it was worth thinking over. Meantime he would suggest the consideration whether some plot or large conspiracy, or dreadful attempt of some kind, could not be bought as cheaply, and tho details be all grist to the mil.

Mr. Cissoits took tho same view. But it must be something large. What did they say to getting up an Austrian plot to carry off Lord John Russell ?

Mr. Scotterthought a French plot would be better, as the letters would be more easy to translate. But he feared tliis would create no great interest. There were thousands of people who thought Lord Russell was the tame as the Special Correspondent in America, and the ■womon didn't ere about him, and it should be a regular sensation business for them. Could an Araeiican veisel iv Liverpool—a Southern vessel—make a dash at a school, and carry all the children away to be sold for slaves —that would rouse the mothers a bit, especially if three or four young ones were chopped into the Mersy in their uight-gowne. (Applause.) Mr. Wary said that ho shuihl, unluckily, bave to discredit that, because his paper went in for the South. Could a feiluw be got to advertise that on a given day he would jump off the top of St. Paul's. Mr. C'iSHOits—But he must do it. Mr. Wary— Of course he must do it—l am supt-Osiiig him to be a man of character aijd honor -—to be dcucedly weil paid, too. Mr. Diubble said that there wa3 business there. Tho man must v. rite to tho Dean and Chapter for leave—they would *ake notice, and there was an opening for a severe article on haughty hierarchical corporations—then there would bo betting as to whether the whole thing 'was a sell—he must hide himself in the vaults— Lear the service for tiie list time —come up too soon and frighten an intelligent verger into a fit —all good, and a biography of tho verger must be bad. Seen on the tjp gallery, at early dawn, waving a black flag—horror of the metropolisLean and Chapter awake at last and send for a policeman—hut the door is naiied up, and no getting at him. Frantic Volunteers at Dakin's offer to shoot him to prevent frightful'spectacle, and send off to Sir Georgo Grey for leave. The fellow dances, and reads out of a hook, wliich he throws down—vigilant Sergeant X IUOO gets U—ouly a whole duty of rami, but we'll reprint it, as part of the stosy. Disappears, aud the metropolis i 3 indignant—by the way, thiß might be done for two or three days, if he takes up sandwiches aud a fliisk of brandy, but on the third day, while the big clock strikes twelve Come, there's plenty cf graphic business there. Mr. Cissoits—But he must do it. Mr. Dribble—D, n't 1 keep spying so? And then there'll be the inquest, and a ihuti-a<id letters urging that St. Paul's sluulu be taken down, or wired, over, or something, and it may be the question whether we should not advise the indictment of the Dean and Chapter as accessories—it seems that theie is good stuff there r-if J°u wn find the maa,

Mr. Cissoeg—But he must do it. Mr. Wary—Certainly he must. Well, i:ku';. a suggestion, and if the meeting sees anything in it, I may say that there'll be no difficulty with us. Anybody else anything to propose? Mr. Pruner supposed it would be no gocd setting fire to Bucldugham Palace. Mr. Slasher thought not —there bad been so many fires lately. Mr. Dribble wondered whether anything could be doise in the way of gas explosion. Mr. Wary said that tbe gas was so abominably bad uow-a-days that nobody would believe that it could go off. Mr. Snipper said the poison stories always told—he was for something in that way. Would anybody put ipecacuanha into all tbe drinking fountains ? Mr. Cissors had a good mind to prophecy an earthquake. He would get strong letters from scientific men, who'll say anything if you can only ask them to contradict other scientific men ; and one could work away on the theme until nobody could sleep iv their beds. This suggestion was loudly applauded, and the meeting resolved, flist, that Mr. Cissors was a brick; secondly, that the subject should be taken up and worked; thirdly, that they would have pale ale ; aud fourthly, that the chairman should pay for it. So, unless something better turns up, the public may shortly expect to hear that strange underground noises, aecouutab'e for on no ordinary solution, have been beard in Devonshire and Norfolk, and that intense heat i= observable in the Midland mines. It's coming. — Punch.

Poor pay.— ' Long before Brindley's time Inigo Jones was paid only eight shillings aud four pence a-day as architect and surveyor of the Whitehall Banqueting House, and forty-six pounds a-year for house-rent, clerks, and incidental expenses; whilst isicholas Stowe, tha master mason, was receiving but four and ten pence a day. When the Duchess of Marlborough was afterwards engaged in resisting tbe claims of one of her Blenheim surveyors, she told him indignantly that Sir Christopher Wren, while employed upon Saint Paul's, was content to be dragged up to the top of the building three time 3 a-week in a basket, at the. hazard of his life, for only ,£2OO a-year ' —the actual amount of bis salary as architect of that magnificent cathedral. Brindley, howevor.

ft. red worse still, aud for a long time does not seem to have risen above mere mechanic's p-y, even whilst engaged in constructing the celebrated canal for tbe Duke of Bridgwater, which laid the foundation of so many gigantic fortunes.'

The Negroes of Jamaica.—l think that the position of the Jamaica peasant in iB6O is a standing rebuke to those who, wittingly or unwittingly, encourage the vulgar iie tbat the African cannot possibly ba elevated. The m^ v ignorant work whenever they can get work. There are fully 20,000 of both sexes who work for the estates, and who may still be regarded as a laboring class. There are probably 10,000 who work as tlomostics. There are 3000 at work now upon the roads, where scarcity and idleness of laborers are made uo grounds of complaint. The small proprietors work on their own lands and ou the estates als<; whenever they can. Very large numbers work as merchants, mechanics, and tradesmen, and not a few of the ex-slaves of Jamaica, or their childreu, are members of tho Legislature, and fill responsible officers under Government. Iv the assembly alone there are 17 black aud colored members out of a total of 47. Th;' whole people of Jamaica work ; and if their work is often misdirected and wastfu!, the blame does not surely rest with the unlettered classes. They work, as I said before, np i... the light they possess, and when I look at the feebleuess of that light, I am utterly amazed at the progress they have made.— Seidell'a Ordeal of Free Labor.

It is mentioned as a proof of the interest which the Prince Consort took in the Australian colonies, that bis royal highness had intended to present to the Acclimatization Society of Victoria a collection of red deer, pheasuuts. partiiilges, and other game. At the lime of his dead) the collection was being prepared ai. Windsor.

Woman's Cakes. —' A woman has cares and pains which the heart of man never knows. When a man sins he is called and he's laughed at, and it all passes over in a week ; but the woman who listens to that man's lies, and who has believed his sweet promises, and who has gone to his treacherous arms, is hissed Hod spitted at, and shuuned by all. She must sorrow and starve and bear their harsh words all her life. And sometimes worse things happen, Luke, —ay ! even in such spots as these, far from towns where they say the bad men dwell. Sometimes there's murder done, Luke. Sometimes the mother hlites that for wliich most mothers would freely die, and kills it, harky'ee! kills it out of her way.' These words weie pronounced in a hoarse whisper, and ha1 eyes glared fitfully round. 'That's what it is ye men do : ye ecus woman to sin, and then ye drive ihern to sorrow ; aud then ye drive them to crime, to prison, and to death.'— The Old Roman Well: A Romance of Dark Streets and Green, Lanes.

Vitality in Horses.—Home rxpesiment? havo recently been made in Fiance by persona skilled in the veterinary art, with a view of ascertaining how long horses may live without food in certain contingencies, us, f,r example, being shut up in besieged place 0. Th-.- f ''.-w ing rosults have been noted, a horse may live for twenty-five days without solid food, aud merely drink w-Mer. He may live seventeen days without eating or chinking. After takii g solid alimout for the space of ten days, but with an insufficient quantity of diink, tho s'.omueii ,; worn out. Tho abovo facts show the importance of water in tho sustenance of the horse, and the desire the animal must fee! to be nipplied with it. A horse which hud been deprived of water for the space of three days, drank eleven gallons iv the spnee of three minutes.

It is estimated tbat Fiance rears 31,000,000 hens, yielding 3,715,200,000 eggs, of the value of .£0,000,000, aud, adding tho value of cocks, pullets, and caponp, &c, the entire produce of poultry in France may bo valued ot £7,500,000. " Englai d received in 1859, 7d 3,573 cubic feet of eggs from the Continent, of the value of i.'Bßo,Glj2, exclusive of poultry of the value of iMO.OOO. Allowing 200 r<^s tv the cubic foot, this gives 148,700,000 as the fuvigii su| p!y, of which Fruuce sent us 130,000,000.

A tale of unheard-of cruelty lias been extensively circulated, to the effect that a man kept his wife a prisoner iv an iron cage ; but upon investigation it turns out that the husband had merely bought a set of eteel hoops for bis wife,