AT THE TEA TABLE.

Rangitikei Advocate and Manawatu Argus, Volume XLV, Issue 12019, 24 March 1920, Page 5

AT THE TEA TABLE.

SOME TOPICAL TALKS. "The New,South Wales elections supply a lesson that should cause us toll void following a foolish example, and resist the temptations of “theorists,” remarked the Politician. ‘Tt would be impossible for anyone to assert that the results indicate, public opinion, not only because informalities have nullified so many votes, but because after the voting the figure jugglers get to work. ” ‘‘Already they have, given us different results each day,” said'the Cynic. ‘ ‘lf they keep on long enough they may prove that there has never been any election In any case weeks will elapse before the figure jugglers have completed an operation the resnlt of which should be known at the*close of the day tbe election was held.”

“It seems to have been rather fortunate that the war ended when it did,” remarked the Critic. ‘‘The Americans were very' reluctant to take part in it, and did as little as they could to help us, hut if we had experienced any severe reverse just as their troops were landed under British protection, it is just possible that they might have gone over to the enemy. According to Admiral Sims, one of his fellow Admirals was just as willing to fight for the Huns.”

“He is a freebooter who - should be deprived of command,” said the Sage. “Whatever his private opinion may have been he was entrusted by his country with the task of helping to crush the power of the Huns.” “It is almost inconceivable,” said the Critic, “that such a barbaric blusterer should be in the same service as was the truehearted Admiral who when British warships were in danger of attack, resolved to assist them if necessary, declaring that ‘blood is thicker than water.’ ” “Most of the Yankee blood is water, now,” said the Cynic. “That same Admiral may yet be one of the first to squeal for British aid if the Japs are likely to shell the skyscrapers. ” “What a pitiful figure Kapp cut when his revolutionary plot failed,” remarked the Critic. is it that foreigners, even the phlegmatic Germans, are so easily overcome by emotion? When the average Britisher gets into a tight place, or Is confronted by danger, he usually becomes more resolute, and in any case he would be ashamed to show his feelings, even if he were in dire distress personally.”

‘Some people have curious tastes,” remarked the Critic. “That Loudon Labour editor who has been boasting about shaking bauds with murderers, must he a very decadent specimen of the British race.”

“Carlyle said of the British long ago,” said the Sago, “‘that they were mostly fools. In so many millions there must of course he manv with ill-balanced minds. That is why gaols and lunatic asylums have to be provided, ”

“The French football victory seems to have stimulated the imagination of the War Minister, and impelled him to incorporate Rugby in the course of military training,” said the Critic. “But the French are very emotional, and in the Emerald Isle that form of sport has proved too exciting. It will ,be a long time before the French play it as coolly but determinedly as our own boys do.” “When they began to study boxing,” said the Cynic, “they quickly introduced the ‘savate’ which consisted of a leap upwards and planting the sole of the foot in the face of the adversary. They may yet develop a peculiar form of football, but tually improve till they rank in it "as Oarpentier does in boxing. ” “The Chelmsford people who went to live in the local gaol are going to work in a roundabout way,” remarked the Scribe. “If shelter is wanted it is folly to ask a local body to provide it. One has to wait too long, till it has been discovered who can make the most out of the transaction. ”

“The most expeditions way,” said the Cynic, “is to commit a crime. Then the State, which is slow in providing homes, will give food as well as shelter. ” “That German Admiral Soheer seems to have given himself away in his ‘Recollections,’ ” remarked the Critic, “and rendered himself liable to arrest as a war criminal. His gloating over the manner in which the murderous pirates compassed the death of Lord Kitchener is extremely offensive. ” “The Hun has no sense of decency,” said the Cynic. “We required no proof of that fact. He never was a fair fighter. By no possibility could he be made to understand the spirit of the Britisher, who even in his sport, will always give the hunted a fair chance. ’ ’ A JAYE PENNE.