THE COMMON ROUND.

Otago Witness, Issue 4042, 1 September 1931, Page 34

THE COMMON ROUND.

By

Wayfaker.

In this ticket era when the smoking of half a dozen cigars entitles the septuagenarian to receive a free perambulator, the inhaling of the fumes from a hundred cigarettes enables the mother of ten to procure a meerschaum pipe free .of charge, and the burning of a few tins of tobacco provides the navvy .with a pair of white kid gloves, there is always a danger that coupons will become a bad habit. It is possible to conceive, for instance, that the flapper who covets a pewter tankard to drink her ale from might, dissatisfied at the time it takes her boy friend to procure the required number of certificates, start smoking on her own account. It is seldom that this column is used for the purposes of a homily to young ladies, but in a state of extreme crisis, such as may now be assumed to confront our womanhood, a warning may not be amiss. And how could this word be more suitably expressed than in the moral verse of Ada Perry Beinhacker, of Indiana? Girls, attend:— That schoolgirl complexion it surely will wreck Before you have reached twenty-one, It emblazons the fact that you’re easy to neck. That you live just for folly and fun. So don’t be a girl men strive to forget, Beware of-the lure of the vile cigarette. Better verse than this has been written in worse causes, or vice versa. It is possible, however, that the full evil of smoking might not be comprehended by the innocent girls who read those lines. Schoolgirl complexions, they might reflect, are not obtained at school, but at the beauty parlour, and it doesn’t really matter if a fellow strives to forget you, provided he has been so impressed that he is not able to. Hear, then, careless flapper, the last ominous manifesto of the American Anti-Smoking League for Women. It is entitled “And . . A pretty girl, A cigarette. A glass ot wine In a cabaret, A few soft lies. An amourette. Then after years Of sad regret. If, however, you still want a cigarette, just reflect for a moment upon the good turn you would thereby be doing the kind Prime Minister who is doing the country for such a lot just now.

The thought that every time he lights a cigarette he is giving the Government a halfpenny should serve, at least, to inspire any man whose soul is not so dead that he would begrudge the tax collector his duties to smoke harder than ever. There must be some reason for taking smoke into the lungs and blowing it out again, and what better reason could there be than to help pay the railways deficit and provide the salaries of eighty members of Parliament? In which connection it might act as an incentive if we refer to some of the championships—it should give our fumigators something to smoke up to. King Zogu of Albania, for instance, sets his loyal subjects an example by smoking 100 cigarettes a day.""Then there was the case of Herr Stark, of Berlin, who claimed to have smoked 25 cigars a day for 60 years. He died at peace with thy world after he had reached the half million mark, declaring serenely that from tobacco he had secured “ ten thousand hours of happiness such as no woman could have afforded.” Yet even his record is surpassed by that of Herr Nanas, of Vienna, who has kept an exact record of his smoking from his youth. - On his 72nd birthday he was proudly able to claim the consumption of 628,000 cigars. He. added, with commendable attention to detail, that of these 43,500 had been given to him! It is men such as these that are wanted in New Zealand to replace the clouds of depression with a gorgeous panoply of smoke.

A northern newspaper, chastising the people of New Zealand for extravagance, attributes it to “ the popular belief that the State will provide.”

The earth provides the harvest, The farmer gives his toil, The State provides the land tax. To dump upon the soil. The firm provides the wages, The clerk gives of his sweat. The State provides the wage-tax. To pay the national debt. The wife provides the dinner, Her spouse provides the pay, The;State provides the primage. Which rises every day. The hearse provides the way out, The widow, tears in showers, The Public Trust, a bill of costs. The friends provide the flowers. * * * The State, which has provided Income demands for years. The Budget and the levy, And claims for the arrears; Receipts has given rain or shine. In payment for its booty, Is generous still; it now provides Requests for the death duty. The new morality has extended its influence, those of us with reforming zeal will rejoice to note, even to China. In spite of his preoccupation with bandit armies, rival Chinese Governments, and the rescuing of missionaries, President Chiang Kai-shek has found time to approve new commandments prepared by the Chinese Officers’ Moral Endeavour League for the guidance of the military. Perpend:— Thou shalt not covet rifles, Thou shalt not fear to die. Thou shalt not ostentatiously show thyself Thou shalt not be proud. x Thou shalt not be lazy. Thou shalt not commit adultery or gamble. Thou shalt not smoke. Thou shalt not borrow money. Thou shalt not drink wine. Thou shalt noy lie. A most excellent code which, it is to be hoped, will greatly improve the high moral tone of the Chinese annual wars. It is stated on good authority that the Chinese officers have taken quite kindly to the regulations, reflecting that they may still, by implication, covet anything except rifles; commit anything except adultery; borrow anything except money; drink anything except wine; steal, murder, disregard the common law and the Sabbath and do practically anying else they like so long as they tell the truth about it. Announcement: By virtue of the fact that from time immemorial every purchaser of “ The Common Round ” has received a newspaper wrapped round it, this column can claim to-be the originator of the “ included gift ” scheme. It has now been decided to extend the system to embrace coupons. Conditions of our offer are herewith appended: This paper represents one coupon; if cut into two pieces of equal size it will represent two half coupons; if doubled it will represent one coupon. This coupon was started by an American officer in France and goes three times round the printing, press. If placed end to end and continued to infinity there will be no end to which to place it. Do this, and you will have good luck some day; neglect to do it and you will be lucky in saving yourself a lot of trouble. The following prizes or gifts are obtainable:— 1. In return for copy of paper containing this coupon, one copy of paper containing this coupon will be returned to sender. 2. In return for two ditto, two ditto will be returned. 3. In return for-s three ditto, ditto ditto. 4. Ditto ditto four ditto, ditto ditto. Warning.—Np other ditto will do. Note Conditions.-—To each copy of ditto must be attached a coupon such as is obtainable at any reputable bank, and bearing the symbol or legend: £5. This offer anticipates Government legislation by terminating on August 25, 1931.