HUMOROUS PREACHER.

New Zealand Herald, Volume LXVII, Issue 20496, 22 February 1930, Page 2 (Supplement)

HUMOROUS PREACHER.

MARK GUY PEARSE'S WIT.

REBUKE TO LATE ARRIVALS

TITLED LADIES' DISCOMFITURE

Tho Rev, Mark Guy JPearso, the famous Wesleyan preacher, who died recently, was ono of the greatest humorists in the pulpit. On one occasion Mr. Pearse was preaching in a fashionable West Lnd Church which numbered among its congregation many women of title. lie knew that it was the practice of some of these women to arrive late in order to attract attention to themselves. On this Sunday morning several of these well-to-do women entered the church during tho first prayer. At tho conclusion of the prayer, before announcing the second hymn, Mark Guy gravely remarked: " I wish you would hot look up when latecomers enter. Every allowance must be made tor them, they are only the maids, and liavo to finish the housework before coming to church." At an afternoon service a celebrated but touchy singer had been engaged to render n, solo. Just before the service some dispute arose as to the fee the singer was to receive, and eventually in a huff he said he would not sing at all. When the time came to announce this singer, Mark Guy said: "Mr. So-and-so was to have given a solo, but owing to a slight difference of opinion he has declined to do so, so we will all sing hymn Xo. , beginning at the second part of the first verse:—

Lot 1 liopc refuse to sing Who never knew our God. But servants of tlie heavenly Kins May speak their joys abroad. " Man With One Arm, Named Jones. " Mr. Peariio had been announced to lecture in East Anglia. 'J. ho liall was packed, and while he waited in an anteroom for I lie moment to go on to the platform a worried steward bustled in and asked if lie could tell him where Mr. Jones was. Five minutes later the same man came in and asked: " Oil, Mi\ Pearso, I am so sorry to trouble you, but have you seen a man with one. arm called Jones?" A twinkle came into Mark Guy's eyes. " I can't remember having done so," be said, " but it might help me if you could recollect tho name of his other arm."

Mr. Pearse was fond of telling this anecdote about a lay preacher in humble circumstances who was " planned " to preach at a certain country chapel. Jt is the custom of the Methodists to provide lay preachers with their meals, arid, if necessary, with a bed. This hospitality is, to some extent, arranged to suit the social standing of the lay preacher.

On this occasion two lay preachers travelled tocglher, but the arrangements miscarried, and the humble brother was inadvertently put down to be entertained by the lord of the manor, while the other layman, a prosperous solicitor, was the guest of a pious but poor ploughman! The solicitor made the best of matters and smiled through a dinner of cold pork and hot potatoes. He even followed the example of his host, and conveyed both pork and potatoes to his mouth with his knife, and made no audible protest when he had to share a bed with the ploughman's son." How the Other Man Fared. The other brother was met at the station' "by "the' 'squire's carriage,' and" driven in style to the manor house. The 'sijuire' realised that "a mistake had been made, -but tactfully avoided any reference to it; It was about five, o'clock in the afternoon, and, thinking that his guest would like a wash before dinner, he rang for .a maid to. shov.: him. to his room.'. •

Dinner lime arrived, but the layman failed to put in an appearance, and after waiting for a quarter of an hour the squire went to--the- bedroom; lie found his guest counting imaginary sheep leaping ovw hurdles" in a vain effort to woo :-leep!

It was Mark Guv l'earse, too. who first told the'oft-repeated story of the drunken sweep who found his -way into the village chapel during evening' service. • 'His fearsome, appearance caused consternation in the congregation, and every one made a mad rush for the door, thinking. apparently, that the , sweep was the devil.

All managed to escape except an old woman -who suffered from ' rheumatism. In a paroxysm of terror she went down on her knees, clasped her hands together and cried: "Oh, sir, please don't take me. 1 ain't a member! '