UNHAPPY MARRIAGES.

New Zealand Herald, Volume LXVI, Issue 20241, 29 April 1929, Page 14

UNHAPPY MARRIAGES.

Sir,—The various letters on the above subject are interesting, as they look on things from different standpoints, but not one touches on tho real and only reason for marriage—love. \V ithout a deep and abiding love, marriage is bound to be unhappy. I love young people and work with and for them and when a girl tells me of her coming marriage and says: ' Do you think I'll get on all right, Mrs. Blank? ho seems so nice," I've less hope of happiness for her than for the girl who tells me, " He's only a dustman, but I love him." We give months of study to preparation for a business career, but what to marriage ? A mere few months of seeing one another going to business, a few picnics and dances and then off on the greatest adventure of all. Surely two years is not too much to give in preparation for perhaps 50 years of partnership, and what a time of happiness it can be, of dreaming and planning the home and of saving and making time for a man to sec a girl in her home; how sho takes it when asked to do the washing one night for an ailing mother and how " he" behaves under adverse circumstances. There is plenty of wear and tear in married life and it's better to find out before how one's partner-to-be takes things. There arc always mistakes on both sides in married life and it's only love that can smooth the way. There should be no question of obedience, both have minds of their own, and are responsible to God alone. But who, loving a husband or wife, would do anything to hurt or anger the other 1 It's no loss of dignity to give in sometimes. A husband should remember that years of broken rest fray even the strongest nerves, and if he can ease tho burden he should. _ A cheerv word on coming in to the evening meal "and a word of praise goes a long way and helps wonderfully. A wife should remember too. that her man has had to "stand up to it" for eight hours a day and perhaps stand up in the tram as well, so if sho can look nice and have a good tea waiting for him she is helping to keep him fit for his job. Perhaps getting the small children off to bed before"tea will help to give both parents a rest and a chance to talk. lo a woman shut in with children this chat is very welcome if the husband will remember and do his part. Then I think every wifo should have one night a week at least to go out and enjoy herself or mix with others. This plan avoided for me a nervous breakdown some time ago and it s wonderful the fresh hope and interest one takes back to one's job, for, after all, it's the job of jobs this home-making, but it can only be carried on with love. Married and Still Happy.

Sir, —In answer to "Mr. Confirmed Bachelor" —I lovo that phrase "most of the girls who wanted me." How delightfully masculine. I wonder if " Mr. C. Bachelor" ever gave himself the opportunity of finding out whether they did want him or not. Certainly too many homes nro like "a. ship without a master" —chicily because one parent refuses to hack up the. authority of tho other in the presence of the children. When mother firmly says "no" and father deliberately says "yes," how is tho child to .respect the opinion of either? Diversities of opinion in tho matter of discipline should lio logically discussed and reasoned out, but not in (ho presence of the children. And even then, why should tho woman always meekly submit, to tho decision of her husband ? Usually she has more opportunity of studying the natures and welfare of tho children, and is therefore entitled to an opinion, as well as her husband. "Bossing"—what an ugly word to use in connection with tho home. The joint decision of father and mother should be the ruling law of tho household, and the children should have cause to realise that it is ;i law of love. E.L.

Sir,—Previous letters on this subject have brought forth many views, nnt I ask for space to put another. Why is it in very many instances that a young woman will, on becoming engaged, immediately assert herself in every direction and promptly relegate to tho blackness of oblivion all thosn pleasantries and indulgences previously enjoyed conjointly by them boili? Unco she has her man, so to speak, tho apparent nature of this turn of events naturally fprces tho young man lo do some hard thinking—of tho future state—and ho therefore seeks a way out through a broken engagement. Even though ho ha:> convinced his fiancee as to their incompatibility, and the futility of any continuity of their avowed part nership, he nowadays will almost surely find himself cited for damages in a breach of promise suit. Hero is an anomaly which perhaps others have noticed also Why is it that this man, wishing to tako care of his and another's marital happiness, does tho apparent right thing before marriage, and is mulcted in damages for so doing, while the law allows a party after marriago to obtain a divorce, each allowed to go on his way, and one which eventually separates father, mother, and that for which (ho marriago union was constituted—the children? Which. I ask you. is the lesser of these two evils!' Far better to pluck tho brand from tho tire beforo burning than lo wear, for onr span hero on earth, the ignominy of a debased marriago union. I am not refreshing my memory with any bv-gone self experience but am a happy mother and grandmother, the above point, however, always having been to mo a Pabapox.;