ODDS AND ENDS.

New Zealand Herald, Volume XXVII, Issue 8360, 13 September 1890, Page 4 (Supplement)

ODDS AND ENDS.

When you pay people in their own coin it is as well nob to wait for the change. The only popular adviser is the one who gives counsel that fits our inclinations. Four rods make one rood, but one rod can take the rudeness out of quite a number. The man who is perfectly wrapped up in himself is easily done up by other people. There is no accounting for taste except on the principle that some people haven't any. The difference between a liar and a hypocrite is that the liar not always incurable. A cynic is a man who is disappointed because the world was all made when he gob here. s When a man forgets himself he usually does something that makes others remember him.

If I don't get to Heaven I will bo one of the worst disappointed men on earth.—Sam Jones. He was much gone, that young man who carried his girl's picture in a pleasant frame of mind.

There are no agnostics among the college graduates. Lack of positive knowledge comes later.

You can pick out a dozen people in every community who would demoralise heaven in less than a week.

There never was a man so that his wife did not think other women were trying to steal him. People who always say just what they think seem somehow always to be thinking disagreeable things. It is hard bo say which is the most helpless, the little baby or the great, big man when he is asked to hold it.

The rich man cannot enter the kingdom of heaven and the poor man doesn't seem to be at all anxious to.

Lady (searching for burglars): " Here, Bridget, you let down the folding-bed and then I'll look under it."

"Do you know the nature of an oath, madame?" "I think so. All my husband's oaths are very ill-natured." Lady (calling on friend): " Oh, isn't it splendid ? I have made six calls, and you are the only one I've found at home."

" Dignity, my son, is a very proper sort of thing ; but don't put on too much of it, or you will be taken for a footman."

Man is an ingenious animal and can do many things remarkably well, bub in undertaking to correct the errors of creation he does not always succeed.

Irate German (bo stranger who had stepped on his toe) : " Mine trent, I know mine feet was meant to walk on, but dot briviledge pelongs to me." MistreP" • ' Giulietba, how is it you have broken in . to-day Maid: " You see, ma'am, this is your birthday, so I thought as how I ought to give you a treat." Mrs. Prim : " Your husband is quite literary, I am told." Mrs. Missit: " Yes, indeed. Why, with his books and papers he litters a room worse than anyone I ever saw."

" So she refused you, did she ?" asked Pirigry; "why didn't you press her, my boy?" "Press her!" exclaimed Brown ; "she wouldn't let me get near enough for that."

Guest (to hotelkeeper who is filling bobbles from a barrel) : " What kind of wine is that, Mr. Rhcinberger?" Hotelkeeper: "Vol, dot depends on vat labels I vill pub on dose bottles, ain'd it?"

Bacon: "A man never steals anything but he lives to regret it." Egbert: "You're wrong there, my boy. Didn't you ever steal a kiss from your girl in your younger days?" "Yes, old man, I did. Bub didn't I marry the girl ?"