IN LIGHTER VEIN.

King Country Chronicle, Volume XX, Issue 2065, 10 January 1925, Page 3

IN LIGHTER VEIN.

He: "I don'd think she made ar.y mistake in refusing him." She: "Oh, yes, she did! She thought she would have another proposal long before now." *****. Neighbour: "That's a bright boy of yours, old man." Father: "He is that. T wish T could manage his mother half as well as lie can." * *. * * * Flimshaw: "What has caused iihe change in Major Stiff's appeai'ance of late ?. Ho used toi look like one bom to command." Grimshaw: "He is married now and has made the discovery that he wasn't born for any suoh purpose." * * * * * Highland Sportsman (who has juaa wounded his ghillie) : "Great heavens I My doctor's bill promises to be much larger this season than ever." » * * * * On an iuciement day a pool - woman begged of Charles Lamb, ending her appeal with: "Believe me, sir, I have seen better days." "So have I," said Lamb, handing the poor creature a j shilling "so have I; it's a miserable Jay! Good-bye." # * * * Brown : "I thought of buying that suburban property, but I'd like to get some information abauti the place from someone who lives there." Smith: "Get your information from someone | who used to live there." * * * * * She: "Did the baron turn out *> be on impostor?" He: "Not much! Her father had to borrow money (to pay his debts!" * * * * * "There are plenty of women who would be glad tb get me," lie said. "Very likely." she replied, pointedly, "but noaie who would care to keep you after she mice had you." ***** Keeper: "My man, you oan'rt catch fish here without a permit." Fisher: "I am managing very well witli justf n worm, thank you." ***** Tourist (in museum) : "What's in here?" Guide: "Beniains to lie seen. sir!" * * * * * • "Hasn't Mi>s QUinger perfect society manners?" "Yes! she can say unpleasant, things more pleasantly than anyone I know." ***** "Did her husband come up to her ideal?" "No, her ideal came down to him." * * * * * She: "The minister said that no one could ever attain perfection." He: "He must have tiie impression that you intend to remain single." ***** Jimmy: "What is meant by 'a mathematical impossibility'?" Tommy: "1 suppose it must be. a sum that the teacher can't do." ***** "He's a dyspeptic, is he not " "Nut yet. but he's a decided epicure." ***** Mistress: "I dolcl you to get Powder's Patent Preparation, and not to take anything else because the chemist said it was jusu as good!" Servant: "Yes'm ; but he said this was a great deal better!" ***** Johnny: "Papa, what is a utilitarian " Papa: iI V-m —a —a utilitarian it a man who has no use for anything he can't use." ***** "A dinner such as we- have had today,' said the elderly boarder, "makes me feel like a young man." "Indeed," was all Mrs Hashedup deigned to reply. "Yes, indeed. When I think of that lamb Ave had for dinner I feel tjhat if that was lamb I must be still a boy." ***** "Is the boss in?" he asked of the bookkeeper. "Which oue do you wish to see," replied the bookkeeper-""tho office boy or the lady typist "