SELLING A HOUSE

Greymouth Evening Star, 27 November 1926, Page 2

SELLING A HOUSE

CUSTOMARY REMARKS Picture the p'ositibfi Of the hdpiess people iii that hduSe fdb sale. As the vanguard Of pbssible .buyers reaches each robhl, the inhabitants flee onwards, where man indeed pursueth. They are in the shocking position of being utterly defenceless, with all their most intimate secrets laid bare before an unsympathetic collection of codfish eyes. Big fat men come and hcllOW:— “Afraid we’re intruding oh ybib dofi’t you know/' add yank billed all thfe caphbdrd doors befbrd yolir byes, displaying U Clloice view of your oldest gardening garments, or the contents of the rag-bag. To make remarks is proper and customary when you go over a house that is inhabited, says an English writer. Never mind how nasty such remarks are, the nastier the better. When you come to anything you don’t like, make a song about it. Unfortunately for us (now), our house is one of those dear old places, with old oak everywhere. But the remarks! “My dear fellow,” says a long, thin man in plus fours, “You don’t mean to tell me that that oak beam has been painted! What vandalism! What horrors unbelievable! And that fireplace—good heavens, I’d like to me'fet the priceless fooL who dared to put a fireplace like tnat in a room like this! Then my husband mumbles and sways on his heels, unable to say that he did not commit the crime of painting that oak —but yes, he is the idiot who put in that fireplace. People look at your pet flower-beds your apple trees in full bloom, your stretches of lawn and say, loftily: “Of course, the whole of the garden would have to be laid out, that would be a great but unavoidable expense ” A conventional model garden round a house 400 years old! The view that we have always raved over is dismissed as “Hem —quite nice, but where’s the garage? What! No garage? Is it possible? The great pear trees that are so well-loved by us, are criticised next. “Why are they so close to that window? Doesn’t it make the rooms behind dark? Wouldn’t it have been better to have planted them a little further away?” “Sprry,” says the Worm, turning at last. “They’re only rather over 100 years old, I believe.. If I’d only known that you were coming along this year, I’d have planted them myself in the right position. Or they could be moved now.” If there’s only a small garden, people yell for a big one. As our garden and field take up a good two acres, people moan alternatively for: “More land —at least, five acres,” or “Good gracious! What a huge garden! Of course, that would mean a gardener ” I can hear the boom of a voice in the next room. Soon that boom will burst in upon me! What is it saying? “Now that’s what I call a good oldfashioned fireplace.. The chap who put that fireplace in knew what he was about!” Picture my husband blushing and preening himself in the sun of unexpected praise! I think I must go in and shake the fresli. viewer by the hand begging him to look upon me always as a true friend. He won’t know what it’s for, and will probably go away thinking that I’m a little mad but here goes anyway . . .