IDEAL OF THE UNIVERSITY REFORMERS.

Evening Post, Volume LXXXI, Issue 103, 3 May 1911, Page 9

IDEAL OF THE UNIVERSITY REFORMERS.

THE PASSING- OF SMITH, BROWN, JONES, AND ROBINSON. (By Lucian.) For I dipped into the future as far as human eye could see; Saw the vision of the Profs, and all the passings that vould be. Scene: The Professorial Board Boom of Victoria College. Present: The four professors in X-ology, one from each University College. _ The Professor of the Victoria College in 'the chair.' * Time : The close of the annual Examination. Chairman : Well,' gentlemen, we have merely to tabulate and publish the Examination results for the year. I have them here. Released us we now are from the tyranny of the Soulless System of Code Words and Examination Marks, we have given freo play to those higher, nobler, and more humanistic considerations begotten of our personal knowledge of the candidates. The result is—ahem — entirely satisfactory to - all concerned. We, the Professors, are now placed in our proper position. Not to put too fine a point upon it, sve are — ahem — supreme. Tlio attendance tit lectures is most admirable; the respectful demeanour of our students leaves— h'm— nothing to be desired. They know— none better— that with our personal knowledge of their character and capacity we can determine by native insight who should pass and who should not. Examinations are — hum, hum — superfluous. In the fullness of time, when the soulful' system now •happily inaugurated has attained its maturity, they will— h'm— be abolished — yes— abolished. In the meantime they are retained partly as a fossilised survival of tho benighted past — h'm — and partly as a concession to such antiquated and weak-minded educationists as — h'm —Sir Robert Stout. The piactice wo have adopted is simple in itself, and is rendered necessary by the soulful system to which I have referred. We first determine the total number of passes to be allowed, then to each University College we allot passes in proportion to the number of candidates, and each Professor prepares his list of passes accordingly. Nothing could be fairer.. I now formally move that the lists be adopted. Prof, of Auckland College: Betore that is done, sir, I wish to submit a special case from Auckland. It is Prof, of Otago: I object. You have had your full number, and if you are to get another we shall all want another--too. Other Profs. : Certainly. • P. of Auckland: That is as may be, though an increase of one a-piece will alter the average to the disadvantage of Auckland. However, I am willing to consider any special case on its merits. My case is distinctly special. Other Profs. : Well, state it. 1 P. of Auckland : It is a student named Smith. He has been most punctual in attendance at lectures, most respectful in his demeanour to me, and — ■ — P. of Otago : What were his marks at I Examination? P. of Auckland : H'm— Under the new system the marks do not go for much, and •P. of Otago : What are they .' P. of Auckland : Let me see — ah, yes — ahem, I have a note of them. He only got 14, but P. of Otago : And 40 is the minimum. We cannot possibly Chairman : Pardon me. T am 'afraid that some of us are not yet wholly eman- ! cipated from the soulless system of code words and exam P. of Auckland : Exactly, sir ; that is my point. I rely on those higher, nobler, and more humanistic consid Chairman: Certainly, Professor. Quite so. We will hear you. P. of Auckland : As I said, sir, Smith's conduct has been most exemplary; his moral character is of ttic highest; he is a Lay Reader of the church I attend ; the only support of a widowed mother, and P. of Otago : Gets 14, at the Examination. H'm. P. of Auckland : That is a mere detail. Those higher, nobler, and more — hum Chairman: Quite so, Professor, quite so. Professoi of Auckland : Well, gentlemen, without more ado I move that Smith do pass. If ho gets his degree he will be a, credit to P. of Otago: Everybody except tho University. Chairman : Order, please ; no personal reflections. If the Professor vouches that, having regard to those higher, nob Other Profs. : Oh, yes, we know all about that. What then? Chairman : I say that if he vouches that Smith is worthy to pass, I shall unhesitatingly support him. I have a caee myself, not exactly on all fours, yet ' P. of Otago : Well, before we go any further, I want to know where I am. I move as an amendment that all the special cases be heard together, one from each College. Chairman : That is fair. Well, gentlemen? ' • All: Agreed. Chairman : We have heard Smith's case from Auckland. I will now submit one from Victoria College. It's Brown. Brown is a youth of great promise. I — hum, hum — expect great things from Brown. It will be a distinct blow to his family (most respectable family) — ah, h'm — if he does not pass. His sister assured me . P. of- Otago : What marks? Chairman : 1 was coming to that. Only 12, but his sister aslured me that he did not do justice to himself at the Examination. Owing to his high-strung temperament he never does. Ho writes poetry. It is exactly a case to be dealt with under those higher Other Profs. : If you vouch for him Chairman: Of course, I do. Next, please. P. of Canterbury College: Yes, sir, there's Jones from ' Canterbury. This is a specially hard' case. Jones is — ahem— • a girl. Just 18, the apple of her father's eye, the pride of her mother's heart, she P. of Otago : ' Marks, please.

P. of Canterbury: I will not deceive you. 10, I believe; yes, 10. But what of that? Her nature has unfolded under the benign influence of my lectures as the losebud under the genial Chairman : Yes, yes, we quite understand. You vouch for her? P. of Canterbury: Of course I do. Chairman : We accept your assurance. If there is any case from Otago we will now hear it. P. of Otago: Well, in fairness to Otago I think I must mention one. There's Robinson. He is not a girl, but he is the best forward- in the College team, stands five feet ten in his stockings, and Other Profs, (in chorus) : Marks, please. P. of Otago : Why, as a matter of fact, he did not sit, but-— — Other Profs. : Wo can't possibly- — P. of Otago: Why not, please? We must be logical. If we are emanucipated from the soulless system of Chairman : True, Professor, quite true, but yet we must draw the line somewhere, you know, and P. of Otago : Pardon me, Mr. Chairman ; if Robinson had sat I am morally certain he would havo done better than Smith, Brown, and Jones. What are their marks? 14, 12, and 10, against a minimum of 40. He is a straight, upstanding, clean-living, lithe-limbed young fellow— not a Lay Reader, it is truenot a rosebud, either, but- ■ Chairman : Order, please. lam suro, Professor, you would not intentionally hurt the feelings of P. of Otago : Certainly not. I merely press my point. Robinson attended my lectures and profited by them as much as anybody else, and if Smith, Brown, and Jones are to pass, no must ho, otherwise I'll fight Chairman: Well, gentlemen, I thinK. the discussion has gone far enough. Robinson is undoubtedly an extreme case to entertain. I — ahem — a very extreme case. It goes Very near the line, if not quite over it. At the same time, gentlemen, having regard to those higher, nobP. of Auckland : lam so anxious to obtain justice for Smith-- — P. of Canterbury : And I for Jones P. of Auckland : that lam prepared to stretch a point in favour of Robinson if it can possibly be done, but to pass a student for an examination when he did notssit for it seems to be straining those higher—— Chairman : Did he enter for it, ' Professor? That might make a difference; you know. P. of Otago : I believe he did. Chairman : Then 1 see a way out. Thb Examination is not absolutely ignored. It is merely reduced to the place it properly, occupies in the present soulful system under which those hiP. of Auckland : I accept that reasoning, sir, and move that Smith, Brown, Jones, and Robinson do pass. Others : Agreed. ' Chairman: Very good. All that no>v remains to be done, gentlemen, is to publish the results of this meeting. P. of Canterbury : Not the discussion of the details, I "hope? If Sir "Robert Stout Others: Sh-sh. Sh-sh. * Chairman: Certainly not. Merely the list. (Exeunt omnes on tip-toe.)