VACANT CHAIR

Press, Volume CIX, Issue 31908, 8 February 1969, Page 12

VACANT CHAIR

(By

WHIM WHAM)

Mr Muldoon said the continuing increases in university spending had to be levelled out in a policy which was acceptable to the universities. But this had to be done by the universities and not by the Government.—News item. Sir, our Universities are getting bigger every Day. You name It, we teach It, isn’t That the Way? The Research rarifies, the Load of Learning gets bulkier, The Learners more numerous, the Treasury sulkier. “Of course,” said the Muldoon Professor of Academic Logistics, “We’re a new Subject, but we’ve got Plenty of “Look here! 50 per Cent of 20,000 Students we teach “Equals 10,000 (get It?) at, KMX) Dollars each, “That makes 10,000,000 Dollars’ worth we fail each Year “And 10,000,000 Dollars* worth we pass (That dear?) “Now, the Object of the Exercise is, how to obtain . ‘"Hie full 1000 Dollars' worth per Unit per Brain, “Correcting the Imbalance of Gross National Graduation “And net Aggregate Unit-gain in Degree Examination. “Our arduous (and Brilliant) Researches in this Field “Of academic© - socio - political Inquiry have TCVC&ICCI “Two alternative Approaches to the Problem, which I “Had better (for the Benefit of Students) simplify. “Easier Examinations is the First of These, “By this Method ALL Students will be assured of Degrees, “And in Half the Time, Nobody will fail any More, | “And the Country will get the Graduates it s paying for, “And if any Taxpayer moans that he’s being bled, “We give him an Honorary 8.A., Dip. Ed. “The Alternative to an easier Exam “Is harder Politics”, the Muldoon Prof, declared. “Our Alma Mater’s welcoming Doors must slam “On Thousands whom we judge not well prepared, “That’s hard, from a politician’s Point of View, “If the Students don’t have Votes, the Parents ’to-" Sir, That was a Lecture, THAT was! The Muldoon Professor, fortunately, will leave Us soon, To continue his Researches into the Failure Percentages in England, and Austrailure.