ALICE IN FERRYLAND

Press, Volume LXXXIII, Issue 25244, 24 July 1947, Page 6

ALICE IN FERRYLAND

ELECTRICITY SHORTAGE

(Specially Written for "The Press.”) [By E. HITCHCOCK.)

Alice was wandering in a beautiful land of lakes and propeller shafts, ferry boats falling over waterfalls, beypresto adaptations, and limited alterations. The frequency with which she was excited was really not surprising when she found that in some rivers there were direct currents, and some of the wretched things alternated. At length a propelling shaft of light shone down through a vortex in the golden clouds. Though still bewildered, Alice felt better. She went to one of the waterfalls and watched for a ferry boat coming over. ‘Til take one home to the Mad Hatter,” she said, thoughtfully. “Indeed you shan’t,” shouted a raucous voice in her ear. “We’re to use every one of them.” Alice jumped and gasped. There stood the pucness, her face purple, her field of force terrific. Alice had an unpleasant impression that she saw kilowatts in her hair. Closing her secret adaptation switch, Alice changed instantly to another voltage. “Who do you mean by ‘we’?” she asked innocently. “Me and my consulting engineers, snapped the Duchess. “We do things, we do, while others only wonder.” “Consulting engineers?” questioned Alice, “I never heard of them. Could you tell me about them?” “Oh, some have names and sign themselves, but mine are mostly ‘incogs’,” saia the Duchess. “We always keep a few.” Fairy Boats “Incogs?” exclaimed Alice. “Whatever does that mean?” / “We put them in cogs which otherwise would not gear,’ explained tne Duchess. “A kind of ointment that sipoothes everything and helps it to curry on.” “But why smooth everything, and why take ferry boats?” asked Alice. “Power shortage!” thundered the Duchess. “Wherever have you been, child? A couple of fairy boats, wave a wand, a few” incantations, and shiver my voltage! there you have it—units for everyone. Now be off, or 111 tell my incogs ‘Off with her head,’ and then you’ll be a dead short circuit.” “it’s worse to be a live one,” said Alice, “and that’s what I feel like every time I try to think of those poor ferry boats. It puzzles me that you too should talk so freely about them in this way,” said Alice. “You mind your toos and frees, answered the Duchess rudely. “Who else have you heard talk about the ferry boats and a shortage?” “The Mad Hatter went to Wellington once,” said Alice, “and his bed was too short and he couldn’t sleep. For weeks afterwards every time anyone mentioned ‘ferry boat’ fte started talking ruefully about ‘that bunk’.” The Duphess snorted. ‘fff you couldn’t get them, would you use force?” asked Alice. “Not Wilberforce,” replied the Duchess. “That came from someone elsp’s incogs. I scotched that one. It was quite opposed to gravity.” “It must have been funny,” said Al|ce. “Yet you want to connect Hinemoa and her Rangatira with Lake Coleridge. It’s quite the wrong lake, you know. They wouldn’t let us do

that at school. Anyway, it was all only a harmless legend, and I suppose it still is." Suddenly Alice thought of something else and brightened. '‘Aren’t there experts as well as incogs.” she asked, "and aren’t they a little like that man Atlas’ His world must be very real and not a bit legendary, because he seems to have to carry it all himself. I wonder does he give the experts each a little bit to carry for him?” ‘■They’re negligible! Quite negligible!” said the Duchess testily. "Experts and exports are the same thing, the opposite of imports. Experts are, in fact, of no import whatever. Lay. men and incogs for me every time. They are not tied and can go anywhere. An expert has to keep his feet on the ground. Most sensible people believe that an expert in the hand can at any time be pulverised by an incog or two in the bush.” "Easy As Pie” “Couldn’t you grant me just one more little explanation?” pleaded Alice. "Grant me foot!” stamped the Duch. ess. “You’re on the matt, and ought to know everything." “Do just tell me this, Alice persisted. "How can these ferry engines—” "Wrong spelling,” screamed the Duchess. "I caught that with my synchronous parallel. You can’t fool m "Please don’t frighten me,” said Alice. “One does need such variable control. How can these fairy engines built to do one thing be suddenly changed to do something so different?” ’As easy as pie,” said the Duchess. "A few limited alterations of a temporary nature, and the thing’s done. Disconnect this, insert that couple something else, push. pull, rebuild, re-design, ail in the minimum of space available in a monster marine, and there it is—done! Eureka! Just say it quickly and my incogs are quite confident about it” “Well, all I can say is that you’ve been very grumpy indeed.” se'4 Alice. “I see it all now. Why didn’t you tell me this at first? We had all this at school: ‘lf we had some eggs, we could have some ham and eggs if we had ! some ham.’ It doesn’t need an incog to see that. There’s still one more thing,” said Alice very daringly. “Wh ,t about their voltgge? Even if all th* ham and eggs could be fixed up anil served nicely, they still he the right voltage." The Beauty Of It “My dear!” purred the Duchess, b*. coming quite transformed, “Changing voltage is the most beautiful ana simple task in all electricity.” “But isn’t a new power house beaq. tiful?” asked Alice. “Granted!’’ said the Duchess. "ThatJ just what my incogs will have built when they have finished all their limited temporary adaptations.” "There’s one good thing about It all.* said Alice- “If it c«uld be done, but isn't, everyone will still be right.” "It should be done,” said the Djiches, decisively. “But wouldn’t it be rather like a lame man using a gold crutch?" said Al** e might need it,” said the Duchesg. “The gold or the crutch?” asked Alice mischievously. “Time will tell,” said the Duchesf. “It tells Ipts,” said Alice, slipping away synchronised, paralleled, anfl transformed in every fibre of her being.