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Camp News, Volume 1, Issue 9, 9 February 1940, Page 5

HAND OUT A SMILE “How did you win that medal?” “I saved the lives of my entire regiment.” “Wonderful! And how did you do that “I shot the cook.” ijs ifc * “’Ere,” protested the private, “who the ’ell spread the butter on this ’ere bread “I did —and what abaht it?” growled a burly corporal, aggressiviy. The private subsided. “That’s orlright, chum,” he murmured. “Wot I wants to know is who’s the bloke what scraped it orf again.” * * * * * < Private Jones was in clink. And being a not very bright kind of lad, was solemnly trying to find out why. “Me number’s 276,” he explained, “and last Sunday they marched all of us to church. I ain’t never been to a church before. “When the parson finished preaching he looked up and said: ‘Number 276 —Art thou weary, art thou languid?’ “I ses, like Hell I am — and they put me in this ’ere cell.” ***** Two Irishmen were walking down a trench when they came across a party of German soldiers asleep. “Pat,” exclaimed Mike, “What shall we do . . . shoot them or take them prisoner ? ” Pat looked up at the sky, then down at the sleeping Germans. “It’s a lovely night, Mike,” he said, “a lovely night for a fight . . . let’s wake them up.” * * * * The squad of recruits had been out to the rifle range for their first try at marksmanship. They knelt at 250 yards and fired. Not a hit. They moved up to 200 yards. Not a hit. They tried at 100 yards. Not a hit. “ ’Tenshun!” bawled the Captain. “Fix bayonets! Charge! It’s your only chance.” / ***** . The soldier was explaining the theory of shooting to his sweetheart. “You see, we have to calculate the distance of the object we want to hit, and then allow for the power of attraction of the earth.” “But suppose you are shooting over water?” • “Oh, that’s more than you would understand — I’m not in the Navy.” * * * * Up to the captain dashed the battery sergeant-major. “Sir,” he said, “the Germans are gathering as thick as peas. What shall we do?” The captain glared. “Shell ’em, man, damn it, SHELL ’EM,” he said.