Etiquette.

New Zealand Graphic, Volume XXXVI, Issue 23, 9 June 1906, Page 61

Etiquette.

By Lucie Heaton Armstrong

(Author of “Letters to a Bride,”

“Good Form,” etc.)

THINGS ONE SHOULD NOT SAY.

Lady and Gentleman.—There are a number of little things one is not supposed to say, and there is often no reason against them; it is merely a habit of abstention which has grown by common consent. A person who has not been much used to society, for example, cannot be too careful in the use of the words lady and gentle ran. They are our own birthright, these words, belonging to those who are well-born and well-bred, and the way in which we use them shows if we deserve them or not. We must always use these words by themselves; they are all-sufficient as a description, a qualifying adjective must never go near them. We must never say “a nice lady,” or “a kind gentleman,” for example, like a crossing-sweeper asking for alms, “a lady” or “a gentleman” is enough. “She is not a lady,” or “that is not the way a gentleman would behave” —both these sentences are correct. The Cloven Hoof.—There is another way of using these words which is also incorrect. even when no descriptive epithet accompanies them. You must not write to a friend whom you are inviting to a dinner-party and say “I have asked another lady and gentleman to meet you.” Such a phrase as this in an invitation otherwise properly written would remind one of a cloven hoof peeping out from correct attire. It is taken for granted that we are ladies and gentlemen ourselves, and that our friends are the same. We must not use these words as a description. It must be one of the things that we take for granted. We must say, “I have asked Mr. and Mrs. So-and-So” or “two other friends.”

For Granted.—And speaking of things being taken for granted reminds me that this is a phrase we must not use when we receive an apology. “Granted” is another phrase by which we detect an inferior: if we brush against a person in the street and apologise, and he replies “granted,” we know he belongs to the lower classes. “Granted” is an instance of a word which has gone down in the process of time, and is now only used by the po r, just as the Court dress of the cavali»rs has become the Bretonne peasant costume of to-day. It was once a fine word, used in high company, as we have only to put it in its right place in order to see. “Pardon, fair lady,” seems naturally to draw forth the answer, “It is granted, sir.” It is difficult to see why this fair phrase should ever have become de-classe. Perhaps it is that it is now considered more polite to ignore the injury than to pardon it; “granted” seems to mean that an injury has been done, whilst “not at all” implies that no suffering or damage has been caused. As to our friends.—lt behoves us to be careful of the Christian names of our relations and friends, and still more of their pet names. There is something very vulgar about admitting strangers into the inner circle of our lives, and carelessness in this respect is just one of the kinds of familiarity which breeds contempt. A wife should not call her husband “John” when she is talking of him to strangers; it should be either “Mr. Smith” or “my husband.” “Some friends of mine who live near—the Browns, do you know them?” is a bettor way of alluding to intimates than to call thew Gvladvs and May tout court.