MISCELLANEOUS.

New Zealand Graphic, Volume VIII, Issue 39, 26 September 1891, Page 428

MISCELLANEOUS.

He (at 11.45 p.m) : ‘Time waits on no man.’ She: ‘I don’t blame it. It would lose lots of sleep if it waited on some persons I know.’ Professional Jealousy.—Mrs Keneen : * They called in Dr. Piller to set Jones’s leg.’ Dr. Keneen: (a rival of Piller) : ‘ Piller set a leg ! Why, he couldn’t set a hen.’ Weeping Wife: ‘Oh, doctor! Is my husband very ill?’ Doctor : ‘ Well, yes, my dear niadame. But console yourself ; his disease is of high scientific value !’ She : ‘ You never hear of women cashiers embezzling or running off with their employer’s money.’ He: ‘Not often ; but when it does happen they take the employer too. ’ A Fierce Subscriber : ‘ Sir, cuss your paper ! Send it to h ’ Editor: ‘ Thomas, change the gentleman’s address. If Uncle Sam makes connections you’ll find your paper there. ’ A correspondent asks us, ‘ What is love ?’ A recentlymarried member of the staff replies : ‘ Love is an extravagant desire on a man’s part to pay a woman’s board and lodging bills.’ At an Agricultural College.— Professor : ‘What is the best time for gathering apples ?’ Young Student : ‘ Please, sir, when the farmer’s back is turned and there is no dog in the orchard.’ Fair Mistress : ‘ Bridget ! Why—what—how dare —aren’t you ashamed to wear my hat?’ Bridget: ‘ Och, an that I am, moi lady, for sure 1 didn’t know it was last year’s fashion till I wint into the park this mornin’. ’ The Preacher : ‘ Well, Sam, how have you been getting along since your conversion ?’ Sam : ‘ Oh, fust rate, sah—fust rate. Me and de whole family has quit lyin’ swearin’ and stealin’ in a great measure.’ Wellington Reporter : ‘ Shocking accident in the city this morning. A house collapsed—twelve people killed.’ Wellington Editor : ‘ Oh, well, nobody cares. The censusis over now.’ ‘ You have spurned me !’ he cried bitterly ; ' I will go into the busy world. I will fight and win. My name shall be known and my riches envied—’ ‘ Then,’ she interrupted, ‘ try me again. ’ City Editor : ‘ The street is all excitement. An electriclight wire has blocked traffic, and no one knows whether it is a live wire or not. ’ Editor : ‘ Detail two reporters to go to the wire immediately—one to feel of it, and the other to write up the result.’ What Our artist Has to Put up With.—Our Artist: ‘ Well, how do you like the portraits, Miss Bunny ? The sitters are all old friends of yours, I believe ?’ Miss Bunny (triumphantly) : ‘ Yes; and only think, I’ve actually managed to guess them all.’ They Were Alone.—Miss Tarrier (archly): ‘ Oh, Mr Mushbrain ! what a flatterer you are. Now lam certain you know no end of girls who are prettier and wittier and more accomplished than I.’ Mr Mushbrain: ‘ Oh, yaas, of cawse. But theah not heah to night, y’knaw.’ They were talking confidentially of the present and the future with that sublime happiness which only love at 20 knows. ‘ What is wealth or station,’ he remarked, trying to bring in some poetical quotation on the subject, ‘ the idea that to be happy one must be born with a silver spoon in his mouth.’ ‘Any metal would suit me, Robert,'she whispered appprovingly, ‘ so long as we had ice cream to eat with it.’ Young artist to (friend who had recently furnished bachelor’s apartments): ‘ Charley, dear boy, I admire your taste. I see you have a little thing of mine hanging there. Friend: ‘No, did you paint that,’ Young artist; ‘Yes; I’m proud to say it’s from my brush. By the way, Charley, if it’s a fair question, what did the dealer charge you for it?’ Friend: ‘Well—er, to tell you the truth, old man, the dealer threw that picture in.’