Cranks we have all Met

Ladies' Mirror, Volume 5, Issue 4, 1 October 1926, Page 63

Cranks we have all Met

'Bran-mash Meals Bare Heads and Blue Booses Humorists in Sandals

Tlf hat a fortunate thing it is VV that cranks seldom get into any position of real authority, but remain as stars in their own particular firmament of crankdom. This world is quite topsy-turvy enough already without any further assistance from them. As we have nothing to fear from them, there is no reason why they should not be turned to some good account — of causing merriment to their more level-headed fellow beings, and so adding to the mirth of nations. Though their humour is unconscious, and they are invariably furious if not taken seriously, this propensity for humour may yet stand them in good stead. To cause laughter is to play a valuable part in the world’s scheme of things. As being the one useful and productive function of cranks, it may save them one day from being seized by the horned devils described so graphically by Dante, and pitchforked into the blackest pit ‘in the Inferno specially reserved for those "Laodiceans” who are neither hot nor cold, good nor bad, and have served no useful purpose in the world’s economy. /Wne of the most harmless, and one of the funniest, is the Hatless Crank. One sees this individual striding along with the “breeze blowing through his hair.” This is always an unkept looking crop coarsened by dust and soot, but its owner is happy in the belief that he is a “tonsorial artist,” a “cranium emancipator.” and vastly superior to the rest of mankind, who confine their hair by such unnatural things as hats. Then we have the Dietetic Cranks

—also quite harmless, as they injure none but their own health. Their- fad sometimes consists of eschewing the succulent beef-steak for unappetising health foods, which come in packets from a shop calling itself the “Physical Well-being Centre” or some such modest title. These packets resemble a mixture of chicken food, nuts, and bran-

mash. It would no doubt be relished by either chickens, monkeys, or horses. Closely related to these come the Medical Cranks, who have the special gift of discovering in themselves and their friends diseases and ailments entirely unknown to the medical profession. These complaints require, of course, treatment on iiiniiiiiiiiiiiiii:iii!iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiniiiiiiiniiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiniiiiiiniiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiininii

original lines which it is beyond a mere doctor or man of science to comprehend. There is somewhere a set of cranks who affect the ancient Greek dress and sandals on the plea that its loose draperies are more conducive to health and poise than our present inartistic but practical garb. Regardless of climate, these priceless people trail yards of material, clutching it around their bodies, and revealing blue noses and frozen extremities for who could commit the crime of descending to an overcoat, muffler and gloves over Grecian draperies ? Everyone knows many such harmless cranks. Unfortunately there are less harmless ones. Almost the most harmful, I should say, are the anti-vaccination cranks. If the harm of their preaching extended only to themselves, and they alone were to be swept away in the next epidemic of smallpox, it would be a different matter, and few would question the wisdom of their refusal to be vaccinated. The only excuse which can be put forward in defence of the crank in our midst is that obviously in no other way could he ever attain to anything above obscure mediocrity. Without requiring the smallest qualifications of intellect or achievement, his eccentricity raises him, in his own estimation at least, and imparts a wonderful feeling of superiority to the “common herd.” It is also his one chance of attracting the attention which is balm to his egoistic soul. “No doubt but ye are the people, and all wisdom shall die with you.”