MO THER CRAFT

Ladies' Mirror, Volume 2, Issue 3, 1 September 1923, Page 32

MO THER CRAFT

It is in the minds of children to believe that fathers and mothers are born fathers and mothers, and never could have been young or stupid or unregenerate like themselves; that is one of the reasons why they so often go to anyone rather than to their parents with whatever scrapes they may be in. And it's true, honey, that the parents have themselves to blame for such, neglect. They are so anxious to set a good crumple that they deliberately forget their own experiences, and seem to think that they can keep you from having measles by pretending that they never had it themselves. From "Letters to My Son," by Winifred James.

" My Mother's a Sport! " r pWO boys were discussing a school A scrape on their way home from school. "You going to tell your mother ' asked one doubtfully. ' Rather! My mother a sport she 'll understand.'' "Don't think I'll say anything to mine about it," murmured the first one. '' She wouldn't understand.'' It. was only schoolboy slang, but "my mother's a sport" spoke volumes for that mother, and had she heard, the words would, I am sure, have been dearer to her than more carefullyworded phrases. This is the mother who, when her boy comes running in with his dirty boots to tell her something, hears what he has to say before she tells him to clean up the dirt he has made. And she looks at his joys and troubles from the boy's point of view, too, realising that both are very real in his little world. And this gives her splendid opportunities for making her boy broadminded, fair, and square in his dealings. This is the mother who is going to keep her boy's confidence when he gets older, and comes to her with more serious questions and difficulties. And it is the help and advice she is able to give him that will save him much suffering and her much heartache. But what of the other motherthe one who would not understand? Too late she wonders why her children do not make a confidante of her, forgetting that it is partly her own fault. She was too busy to listen to their '' nonsense '' when they were younger, and she would not take the trouble to inquire into the fairness of their troubles when reproving. There is many a mother with grownup sons and daughters who would dearly like to be the recipient of all the little happenings of their daily life; but the barriers that grew up in childhood are too strong to be broken down now, and the children cannot force a confidence that was never sought in their younger days. My mother's a sport! ' Not a very elegant title, certainly. But doesn't it stand for a lot? Promises to Children ONE often meets people who think that while they must keep ' promises made to adults they can be more careless of promises made to children. Really the reverse is true. A friend can understand that sometimes one has to "change one's mind," and can forgive one's occasional human frailty. But a child is a very different proposition; it never forgets and very often it never forgives. Most people, occasionally, in a moment of real affection, promise a child a treat; and some of us, alas! break faith when it would be incon--venient to keep it. Such broken promises cause children disappointment, and teach them cynicism. The hard knocks of the world come to children soon enough, however much their parents try to give them a sheltered childhood. A child's sorrow seems soon past, but a child's memory is longer than one dreams, and a child's logic exceeds in its severity that of the more sophisticated adult. Broken promises with children as with other young people may lead to broken hearts! o o o ONE of the greatest trials to the mother of a growing family is the daily one of home lessons, when

she is often expected at one and the same time to keep baby quiet so that Joan can learn her French verbs and to help Billy with his problems in arithmetic. If arrangements are offered at school for the children to do their preparation there, it is well to take advantage of them. It may mean altering the tea-hour for a later return from school, but by staying the pupils get the advantage of a perfectly quiet concentrated atmosphere without the interruptions so frequent at home. It is all very well to scold the young students for looking up every time the bell rings, or talking to each other when they ought to be working. Concentration does not come easily to children who are already jaded by a full day at school, and they ought to be helped in every way possible to have quiet for the lessons they do at home. Younger children who want to play and talk must be kept in another room while homework is in progress. Visitors, too, should never be allowed in the room devoted to study. When it is' impossible to spare a room for this purpose, the best plan is to provide each child's bedroom with a firm writing table of some sort, and let the work be done there, out of the noise of the house. Sometimes a little study for the sole use of the children, where there are several, can be managed. I have seen a tiny hall bedroom, too small to be of much use, converted into a cosy den given over entirely to home lessons.

Another advantage of having the work done away from the general sitting-room is that the little workers will think twice before claiming mother's help, if they have to go and ask for it. One of the reasons for homework is that it teaches a boy or girl to study alone. o o o A CERTAIN mother had a sixteen-year-old daughter who developed a decided interest in boys. Being an understanding mother she knew that boys and girls are drawn to each other for a deep racial purpose, and so did not attempt to crush this interest by an arbitrary command. She knew that her daughter would have sensible notions about boys when her relationships with them were frank and natural. She saw clearly that the peril to her girl came, not through having boy friends, but through our custom of premature pairing off. She knew well that romance in the heart of youth cannot be ignored, but must be ennobled and tactfully controlled till the years of maturity decide. So this little mother drew about her girl an interesting circle of young friends, invited them to her home, taught her daughter the deft grace of entertaining them, planned theatre parties, evenings with story writers, musicals, cross-countrv tramps, old-fashioned picnics and summer campsalways holding to the plan of togetherness, Without anyone knowing just how or why, the little mother was always included in the party; and she was welcomed, too, for she was a jolly companion. Meantime her girl became more mature, better poised, and

gradually emerged into healthy, commonsense views of things. Her vivacious social nature found safe vent, and by the time she had reached the twenty-year mark she was a cleareyed, sober-headed judge of boys and life in general. The Grown-up Daughter LEAVING home" is no uncommon incident in the life of the girl of to-day, but it no longer implies a melodramatic exit from the parental abode nor an undying hostility to the rest of the family. Parents are apt to regard the proceeding as one more example of the self-will and ungratefulness of the modern generation, but to the girl herself it is merely the outcome of a natural desire to live her own life and to develop her own individuality. This is a necessary step, because, somehow or other, parents seldom see the point of view of the grown-up daughter. Mothers sigh and say, "Why did she insist on leaving home? She will never be as well eared for elsewhere.'' In one sense this may be true, but wholesome food and well-stocked wardrobes are not in themselves the key to happiness. It is a sore point with the modern girl that when she and her brother are grown up he is accorded privileges that tire denied to her, in spite of the fact that she litis to be ready to assume a certain amount of domestic responsibility which he escapes. When women's only sphere was the home and girls seldom had a career, this was quite fair. Now, however, though the sister and brother may both have their respective occupations, no one would dream of asking the brother to help to run the household in his leisure moments, because he litis been busy all day and is tired. Boys tire generally allowed a room to which they can retreat at tiny time, but the drawing-room is considered to be the place in which girls should spend their leisure. Any desire to avoid the rest of the family or to enjoy a few minutes' privacy is looked upon as morbid and unsociable. Is it to lie wondered, then, that friction arises between parents and daughters who are genuinely fond of one another but who are not necessarily suited to live together till their days? Age, or even middle age, and youth seldom see eye to eye, and the war, which litis seared the lives of the younger generation, litis made this problem one of unusual difficulty. Nearly always it is parental affection which tries to hem in the lives of daughters with rules and regulations which might have had their uses some fifty years ago but now are obsolete. If parents would admit that their daughters have a right to some spiritual and intellectual freedom, "leaving home" would not be necessary, and they would find that though daughters were allowed to "lead their own lives" families would achieve a spiritual union that will otherwise never be possible.