LITTLE LAUGHS.

Waikato Times, Volume 108, Issue 18165, 1 November 1930, Page 16 (Supplement)

LITTLE LAUGHS.

The new proprietor of the village store was-Isaac Isaac. Business was -not good, and Isaac stood at the door one morning gazing gloomily at the all but empty street. A little ' girl who had just turned the corner paused uncertainly before him, a crumpled. pound note in one hand. Instantly Isaac was all smiles. “I say,” began the little girl, “does my mamma owe you a pound?” “She does,” said Isaac. “And—and whose little girl' are you?”

Two fellows were playing a dingdong golf match, into the stirring spirit of which even the caddies had one man sliced badly, while the other entered.

Going to the last hole all square, had an equally wild- pull. The first man found himself In a jungle. His first niblick shot raised a huge divot and moved the ball about six feet. He took turf with his second effort also, hut got the ball well away. “By the way,” he said, as he replaced the second divot, “what happened to the other clod?” “Oh,” said the caddie with satisfaction, “lie’s playing six out of a bunker.”

“No, certainly not!” said -a woman to a tramp who had knocked at the door and begged for’ food. “Go away at once or I’ll call my husband.” “’E ain’t at ’ome,” said the tramp. “How do you know that?” asked the woman. , “’Cos a man what marries a woman like you is only at ’onie at meal times.” •

A clergyman, very fond of fishing, was carrying his rods with the object of sending them to a distant town to he mended, when a beery-looking Yorkshireman -accosted him. “Catch owt?” he asked. “I have not been fishing,” observed the clergyman.

“Well, wheer is tha bahand te fish, then?”

“I am not going fishing,” was the reply. • “Ah thowt as much,” came the retort, as the man moved away. “Tha’s just browt them rods te blind t’ missus.’-’

“Why hid you give up working for old Fizzle?” -‘.‘Because he behaved in a way I didn’t like.” “What did ho do?” “Gave me the sack.”

Wife (trying on hats) : “Do you like this turned down, dear?" “Husband:'“How much is it?” “Twenty-eight-and eleven." “Yes, turn it down."

Lawyer: “Have you ever been in gaol?” Witness: “Yes, sir; once." “Ah! For how long?”

“Long enough to whitewash' a cell which was to be occupied by a lawyer who had robbed dozens of his clients.”

During -a golf match between two teams of women a caddie informed the woman whose clubs he was carrying that the player in front was two up. “How do you know?” she asked with interest. “Have you got a code?” “No, miss,” was the reply; “adenoids.” 1 .

Two battered old wrecks were sitting on a bench in the common when one u-emarked: “I’m a man who never took advice from anybody.” “Shake, brother,” said the other. “I’m a man who followed everybody’s advice.”

A naval vessel put into a South Wales port, and two midshipmen, keen golfers, got shore leave. Putting on their plus-fours, and complete with golf hags, they went for a game. But on landing they were met by a well-known coalowner, who knew one of them, and he suggested lunch and a visit down a mine instead of golf. So down the -mine they went, and then, reshouldering their golf bags, returned to the ship. „

They arrived in face of the Admiral, who, feeling genial enough to notice the “snotties,” remarked, “Been playing golf?” “Oh, no, sir,” grinned one of them; “we’ve been down a mine.”

Next morning they were hauled up for insolence, and it took a letter from the coalowner to persuade the Admiral that appearances had been deceptive.