Varieties.

Western Star, Issue 51, 31 October 1874, Page 6

Varieties.

Why is a flirtation like a plate-powder P—Because it brighten? up. spoons. A Creature of Impulse.—The impulsive don-key-who fancied that he waa id for a penny was in for a pound. Force of Habit.—A captious MJ*. makes a practice in the dining-rooms of the House ot rising to order. Our Doctor.—Street Arab (to friend): “Soc ■ his ycr swell a coniin’! Yery- well !. Vs rm ncderkle man!” Junes is surgeon at Blank Prison. —Punch. Contentment.--Josh. Billings says: “Yu kan* .in. l com entment laid dawn on the map ; it iz an maginary place not settied yet..” ’ A life of active exertion, of well regulate..' nergy, a humble mind, an.i a heart' or fail! md ; iore, wilt convert the mounittiw ot uiieen nto a peaceful valley. Very Hard Times.—Young Ladies to Fisher woman“ Well, Kirsty, how’s bußmeßs?” “ Middlin’ mem, jiat middlin’.;' Some days we iae na*fching ava, an* itbera wo dae twice a‘ nucklc. What an argument in favour of social connections is the observation that by comm, ni. atin^ • *ur griefs, wo have less, and by commfiinicatmg our pieeeUrcß. wo'have more. :nr -o:i ">i ’ - ijKvij ;v■ v' ; .d s ‘ k '

A young lady having “ set .her cap” for a rather large specimen of the opposite sex, and having failed to win him, was telling her sorrows to a couple of confidants, when one of confronted her with, these words “ Never mind, Molly ; there are as good fish in the sea as ever were caught .” “ Molly knows that, replied her little brother, “ but she wants a whale." A country hotel-keeper writes bis own bill of fare, thereby saving the cost of printing.. It announces coffy, soupe, roste befe, fried bam, boyled anil baked po'.atys, frlde cold puddip and mins pie."

A Western Temperance Association limits the-beverages of its.members to wine, be*r, and cider. “ except when labouring under a sense of discouragement, and then whiskey shall be allowed.”’ They are said to le the most discouraged temperance people in the State.,

Bottlebury will never- ive to save another woman from drowning. He saw a red-haired’ girl tumble off a boat, and instantly plunged in after-her. caught her by her dress, and swam to the shore with her. She gave a-hysterical scream, flung her arms about Bottlebury’s neck, and fainted. Just then the father came up, with th,, rest of the family, and perceiving, the situation,, he dashed up te Bottlebury, grasped. his. hande and sai l—“ Take her. mv boy !’ If is hard to give her up; it wrenches her old father's heart ; but she is yours. Bless you, my chil Iren —bless you !”■ Bottlebury. amazed and: indignant, tore himself away, and fie 1. He was tried for breach of promiee,. and on the trial the jury gave the broken-hearted maiden two hundred; dollars damages. Bottlebury has intimate 1 to his confidential friends that if any other woman intends to fall overboard near, him, she wilb find-it to her advantage to. learn to swim. In the romantic district of Heniliquin, New South Wales, a newspaper has been started in the interest, of squatters and squatters’ wives.. It is entitled tha Pastoral Times, and, edited by a countryman of Owen Glcn 10-w.cc, formerly a shepherd in the vale of Liang''lien* bearing the appropriate name of Taffy Jones., That the editor is exactly the man for-his verdant position the following will shew “ Tlie gras* is green, the flowers appear, The crimply leaves are on the boughs, The pleasant- crcetv streams are clear, And welcome to the thirsty cows ; Tile squatter’s son the breezes quaffs. The sqnatfer-s.w.ifa the butter: makes, The grandad reads our paragraphs. And Johnny brews,.and Sally l akes.”

Robert Wilson, the liistorian of Hawick, records the following conciliatory speech of Bailie Har ! ie, the father an 1 findcrof Hawick hosiery: 11 The best o. foak will hae bits o’ 'ifferen.-es at times, sirs, when we’re sac easily led aglee wlicn selFs concerned ; and d* ken we’re a’ alike in t ime things, and whnt’s curious, we never think we’re wrung till some rale friend lets us. see our error. But I’ve seldom twee decent fouk differ far, an’ my advice t K ye is, tak a bottle o* yill and gree; an’ as a hvilie o* this guid toon and burgh, ye ’ae hae my countenance an’ my help ; naebody wad think o' ganging tae law hut the riff raff'o’ the toon, or fouk beside theivsel’: for oor toon clerk tell-* me where tie decent or sensible man crosses the thresh* Id o’ his office Inc gnyg tae law there’s fifty knaves, and nine and nine-an. 1-forty fools—-and wha wad like to bide sic a slur as that ?”"