He Advised Her.

Woodville Examiner, Volume 3, Issue 281, 3 September 1886, Page 2 (Supplement)

He Advised Her.

Young girls have strange ways of dealing with troublesome suitors.

I remember a story which Thackeray was very fond of telling at the dinner was told him by an American sea-captain of one of the steamship lines —a great friend of his the captain's. Thackeray used to delight in imitating the old salt’s Connecticut twang. It seems that on a certain voyage there happened to bo a very fascinating American belle, just returning from a triumphant tour of Europe. On the steamer there were four young fellows particularly attentive to her. They were each handsome in their way, and all of them eligible as far as money conditions go, They had proposed successively and been evaded. The question with the young lady was which one of the four she should accept. In her dilemma she consulted the Giptain, who was a sort of father to all his passengers. “ You like ’em all pretty much, an’ don’t know which you like best; that's about it, ain’t it ?” asked the Captain. “That’s just the trouble,” replied the maiden.

“ Kin yon swim?” “ Yes, a little bit.” “ Well, now I’ll jest fix you all straight m a jiffy. To-morrow mornin’s goin’ to be fine weather. I’ll slack the speed awhile, and you get th’ four fellows round you, and while they’re just talkin’ to you for all their wu’th you fall overboard. One of ’em ’ll be sure to jump iu after you. Au’ that one you kin marry. I’ll he ready to jump in after you myself, if one of ’em don’t start, an’ besides that the boats’ll be lowered, and you won’t run any risk.” The young girl thought it a capital planromantic ana feasible. She carried it out to the letter.

But the best laid plans oft go astray. When she fell overboard three of the young men jumped in to rescue her. After she had been pulled out, congratulated, and re-clothed, she sought the author of the plan indignantly : “Now, Captain, what am I to do? The thing didn’t work nicely at all!” “ What's the matter with it?” “Why, three of them rescued me.” " Well, what of that?” 11 Why, I can’t accept the three.” “No,” said the Captain, “what you'll have to do is to take the feller that didn’t jump in." /