OLD BUT GOOD.

Wanganui Herald, Volume XXXII, Issue 9386, 12 March 1898, Page 1 (Supplement)

OLD BUT GOOD.

'An Extraordinary Bill for Repairs, eto. According to an American exchange, a firm of Cinoinntti tire insurance agents print this schedule for the back of their card. The following is the specified bill , for repair to paintings in a church 1 damaged by fire, receipt of which is on hie in our office : — ; DOL. CKNTB. ■ To correcting Ten Com1 mandments ... ... 5 12 i Embellishing Pontius Pilate and putting new ribbon on his bonnet 3 02 Putting new tail on tbe rooster of St. Paul and mending his comb ... 2 20 Repluimng and gilding left wing of angel ... 5 18 i Washing the servant of the high prieat and putting carmine on his cheeks 5 02 Renewing heaven and ! adjusting tbe star?, I and cleaning up moon 7 0 Touching up Purgatory, and restoring lost sou's 3 06 Brightening up the flames of hell and putting new tail on the devil, ru ending hia left hoof, and doing several odd jobs to the damned 7 17 Re- bordering the robes of Herod and adjusting his wing & 00 Taking the epots off the son of Tobias... ... 1 80 Cleaning Balaam's ass and putting one shoe on him ... ... 1 71 Putting a new stone in David'ssling.enlnrging the head of Goliath, , and extending Saul's legs 6 13 Decorating Noah's Ark and putting a stone on Shem 4 31 Mending the shirt of the prodigal boo and cleaning his par ..7 2

'Boxley, why isittbat you never associate wih theßoberts any more,'

* Graciou". mon ! B'lb^rtsisonly a plumber, I'm a bicycle repairer.'

Jinks (nfc a pa'tv)— ' I don't see what's the matter with that pretty woman over there. She wa? awfully flirty awhile ago, and now she won't have anything to do with me.' Stranger — ' I have just come in. She's my wife. 1

He (timidly)—' Now that we are enpaged.l— l persume I may — mavkiss you as much as I please, mayn't I.'

She (encouragingly)—' Yes, indeed. Make tbe most of your time, dear. There's no telling how long an engagement will last nowadays, you know.'

The muddier a man's hat is after he bns chased it down the street before a lot of people, the the more he tiies to look amused.

' Have the master's watch ! Whatever for?' ' Please 'm, to boil the eg£;s with. 1 ' 'But you've got a clock in the kitchen haven't you?, 'Tes'm, but it's fast, 'm.'

Sympathising Friend— 'Where were the remains of your late hus band interred ?'

The Widow (*adly) -'There were no remains. He was iv India and — he met — a tiger,'