CULLED FROM VARIOUS SOURCES.

Wanganui Chronicle, Volume LXXVI, Issue 18018, 5 November 1920, Page 3

CULLED FROM VARIOUS SOURCES.

One of the best specimens of Chinese wit to my mind is, writes Affable Hawk in the “New Statesman,” the Chinese proverb, “A red-nosed man may be a teetotaler, but no one will | think so.” Here are specimens of the kind of funny story which amuse Chinamen:—A woman was entertaining her lover when she heard her husband, who suspected something, knoik at the door. She hurriedly bundled her iover into an empty rice sack lying in the corner of the room. “What have you got in that sack?” said the husband sternly, pointing at it. His wife was too terrified to . answed. There was a long pause. At last a Voice from the sack said, “Only rice.” I like this one, too: —A doctor who had shamefully mismanaged a case was seized and tied up by the indignant family. In the night he managed to free himself and to escape by swimming across a river. When he got home he found his son, a medical student, pouring over his books. "Don’t be in a hurry with your books,” he said; “the first and most important thing is to learn to swim.” Jokes about doctors date from the early ages of the world. One of the most delightful stories about Chinese philosophers is the one about the sceptic philosopher whose cofiin, to the horror of his disciples, rose a few feet from the ground and remained suspended in the air. This mircale was awkward; but on the disciples kneeling round the coffin and praying it descended slowly to the ground and remained there. The reputation of their master’s philosophy was saved. The adjournment of Parliament Sometimes causes perplexity among the country clergy as to whether the prescribed prayer for the. Houses of Parliament, “at this time assembled,” should be continued, writes the “Morning Post.” A former warden of Merton College, Oxford, once attended the service, at a remote moorland church where this difficulty arose. When he came to the prescribed collect the clergyman leaned over to where the clerk was sitting and asked, in a very audible whisper, “Is Parliament sitting?” “I don’t know,” replied the clerk. “Shall I say the prayer for them?” asked the rector. “Well,” in a confidential shout from the clerk, "I think you’d better pray for them, because they’re a bad lot!” “One of the wisest sayings I know is from an old classic which lingers in my mind from my schooldays,” says Mr. J. Whitley, M.P., Deputy Speaker of the House of Commons. “Hippocrates, who lived about the 15th century, 8.C., in answer to the question why he was alw’ays so happy, said these words: 'Love of my fellows and love of my job.’ This is the secret of happiness in England. You will notice which he puts first — ‘Love of your fellows.’ There is the secret of success in any kind of work —a number of people co-operating together in carrying out a purpose. What is the reason why the world is so long settling down to peace, and why is there also within oui- bounds, in our own country, this same failing? Because we have not gripped the meaning of our own humanity.” One of th e greatest finds of the book stalls was surely that of a man who picked up a shabby copy of Florio’s Montaigne (on original edition), with a signature “Wm. Shakespeare” in it, for 2/- at a second-hand bookseller’s in Kingsland-road, London. He sold this to,the British Museum for quite a large sum —said to be £2oo—and the bookseller, becoming cognisant of the affair, took action, but failed to establish his case. Professor Flinders Petrie read a paper before the British Association last month proving that the end of the world need not be expected for a few hundred thousand years. Mr. Petrie is not so lenient, however as a Professor who was lecturing some years ago in Fife on the sun. “In seven hundred million years.” he declared, “the sun will be a cold body like the moon, and there will be no heat or light or life on the earth.” “How 1-long did you say that would be, mister?” asked a farmei excitedly. “Seven hundred million years, my friend.” “Thank heaven,” said the. farmer huskily, as he sank back into his chair, with evident relief; “I thought you said seven million.” There is new hope for the bald in a process invented by Dr. Raymond Passot. It consists of scientific scalping. Dr. Passot advocates that the sections of the scalp which practically nevei 'ose their hair—at the temples and aubve the nape of the neck—shoudl be transferred to the denuded wastes above. The operation is said to be painless, thanks to the use of local anaesthetics. The patient remains indoors until his bandaged head has hqaled and the displaced hair cultures have taken root and grown long enough to mask the mutilated areas which have been sacrificed lower down. Then the former sufferer from baldness, it is stated, finds himself the possessor of a head of hair which, if thin, is at any rate adequate. Robinson Crusoe’s cave may soon be converted into sleeping quarters for globe trotters, according to Professor W. A. Bryan, vice-president of the Hawaiian Historical Society. The Chilian Government, Mr Bryan said recently, is considering the creation of a national park and tourist resort on the island of Juan Fernadez, famed as the abode of Daniel Defoe’s literary character. Modern hotels and other attractions would be erected on the island, according to plans being considered. Two nights were spent by Professor Bryan recently in Robinson Crusoe's cave. The correspondent of the Times at Paris states that the women of that city are obsessed with the id'a of lavish spending. Even those . who are tasteful do not love simplicity, and are paying for their clothes in one season what served their mother for two. “The fashionable women of to-day spend thousands where formerly they spent hundreds. They look peculiar where they used to look pretty, and paint and powder in a variety 'of ways, according to the costume. They wear in daylight what was formerly considered smart for a ball. Silk stockings are worn in the morning, and light shoes in any 1 weather, while their underwear costs as much as the rest of their clohes, and is of all colours.”