WISE AND OTHERWISE.

Waipa Post, Volume VII, Issue 330, 14 July 1914, Page 1

WISE AND OTHERWISE.

Tho Small Boy: 'Arf a pound o' yellcr soap, please, and muvver says will you plcaso wrap it up in a good love story. # # # * #

Artist: My object was to try to express all the horrors of war. How do you like it ? Friend: I have never seen anything more horrible.

Storekeeper: I want a boy to bo partly indoors and partly outdoors. Boy: What becomes of me when the door slams?

She: A person.is an idiot to bother a lot about his descent. Don't you think so? He: Yes, unless he happens to be an aviator up in the air. * * * * •:>

Son: Pa, what's a false appetite? Father: Tho longing for food that suddenly vanishes when a hungry man sits down to his wife's cooking.

• Williams: This is a queer world. Walker: Eight you are; a man's shoes ' will often get untied, but never just -

as he is ready to take them off

Yes, I proposed, but she said I'd have to ask her mother first. And die you ? No. I was afraid the mothei might accept me. » '. # * # »

You'll havo to stop that noiso, said tho boss to the new office-boy. "I don't pay you to whistle. Oh, • that's all right! I ain't charging you for it, replied'the kid. * * * # - * -

I see. your neighbour, tho banker, is looking for a cashier. What! Again? He only engaged a new one a little while ago. Yes, that's tho one he' looking for!

* #

Aspiring Vocalist: Professor, do you think I will ever bo able to do anything with my voice? Perspiring Teacher: Well, it might come in handy in case of fire or shipwreck.

Ho: i didn't know yen wore one of chose athletic gifds. What a great number of foils you have here? You must do a lot of fencing. She: Foils? Why, those arc my hat-pins!

I have declined marriage proposals from five men, said the fair widow. Have you? her friend asked. I didn't suppose your husband had been as heavily insured as that. « c «= '* *

Plumtlutf: Here's a man mentioned in this paper who is 103 years old and can walk ten miles at a stretch. Goodguff: Pooh! I can do that easy, and I'm not half as old as lie is!

How very few statues there are of real women. Yes; it's hard to get thorn to look right. How so? A woman remaining still and saying nothing doesn't seem true to life. * # * # «

Do you think, asked the beautiful girl, a man must bo in love to write

a lovo story? No, replied the rising young author. I've found that being hungry helps most.

« * *

Boss: There's ten shillings gone from my cash drawer, Johnny. You and I were the only people who had keys to that drawer. Office boy: Well, suppose we each pay five shillings and say no more about it?

Friend (to painter): I see you've still got your old cook here ? I thought you didn't like her. Painter: She isn't my cook any longer, but I had to paint her portrait because I couldn't pay her wages.

* * *

Mrs. Leeder: Norah, do yo.u ever repeat anything you hear my husband and myself say to each other when we have a slight difference of opinion? Domestic (horrified): Th' saints forbid, mum!

Mother: Is that Irene at the piano? Tommy: Yes, Mother. Mother: Well, go and sec what she is doing. If she is practising she may go on till her time is up, but if she is playing she must stop at once!