FLOTSAM AND JETSAM

Waipawa Mail, Volume LXVI, Issue 68, 25 February 1938, Page 2

FLOTSAM AND JETSAM

PICKINGS BY THE WAYSIDE. (By “Touchstone”). When the Powers meet to put :il| their cards on the table look for the trump up their sleeves. The roar of Alussolini: the voice that breathed o'er Eden. The fact that Abyssinia is still unsettled must have an unsettling effect on Signor Alussolini. It's one thing persuading Hitler and Mussolini to sign a peace pact, but quite another to get them to keep it. Japan pays, the highest rates l„ t serap iron, and then gives it to the Chinese lor nothing. And now —what about the farmer* getting together to take out an insurance policy against spells of drought! If the Nazis follow the new Ton Commandments faithfully and moke the Fuhrer their model we can foresee a nation-wide rash of toothbrush moustaches and a heavy fall in the birth-rate. It cost about £10,00(1 a day to sh» the Empire Games in Sydney, regre. senting a total of over £70,000. Australia allocated £15,000 to enable sits Games to he conducted, while Eng. land and Canada contributed a similar amount. New Zealand’s expendii rt is calculated at £7OOO, South Africa's costs total £7OOO, Scotland’s is £25110, and Southern Rhodesia’s £ISOO. '1 he largest item was the steamer passage* of the 300 athletes from oversea, the eost of which was as high as £2OO per head (the South Africans). Spurred on by bridge-expert Kir Culbertson, the plasties industry produced playing cards made of Luinarith, a cellulose acetate material. The new cards look exactly like any other cards, but they are iadrstruetiblc. They will not crack wlun bent, stain, nick, or mark, and are moisture-proof and washable. <>i.e deck, used for 15,000 deals, showed not a sign of wear. When ex-President Lebrun of France visited London on one ore*, sion, says the “New York Tiim-s," there appeared at the French Embassy two Paris firemen in shining helmets and brass-bound uniform* They brought with them a dozen extra large fire extinguishers and about 20 red fire buckets. The equipment filled the Embassy’s main corridor and aroused angTy inquiries. The firemen patiently explained that it was the law that wherever the French President slept outside of the F.lysw Palace two firemen with sufficient apparatus should watch over, him to see that he was not burnt to death. Nearly 200 years ago—in 1744 to be exact—the “Ivondon Chronicle” lamented that Europe had become “an immense republic of armed men, Every country carries such a military appearance that the whole seems armed for the destruction of all the rest of the world. To a philosopher who reflects on the miseries of human life alone this appears verv dreadful.” And the question for the class is: “Has the world advanced in the last two centuries?” “When I complained about the way the wireless set was \dorking, (he engineer said that it was all a ami ter of osculation,” said a woman witness at Clerkenwell Court, London. Air Registrar Friend: Good gracious! I hope not! You don’t meat that the engineer kissed you? “Oh, no,” said the witnee“Then 1 think,” suggested the Registrar, “that oscillation is the word you want.” I saw a most enchanting sight to-day, A maiden clad in feminine array. It took a second look and yes, ’tw»6 true, Her dress, tho’ pale, was definitely blue, And hero and there was just a liny frill. And that it was that made my heart stand still. So tired I am of limbs all brown and bare, Of sunburned arms, and wispy windblown hair! Oh, give us back the maid of yesteryear— A thousand voices echo me: “Hear, hear!” It’s sad to see the female form <’ivine Ridiculously clad in togs like i line. Sineerest form of flattery is thi— You copy-cats, who aim to be a ri.nnSee here, my dears, your aim yd sadly miss, Emphatically you never, never can! If you could see yourself as others do Your figure; meaning, by that, . rear view, I guarantee you’d put those pan# away, And be a girl again, without delayDid it ever occur to you that « man's life is full of crosses and temptations? lie comes into the world without his consent, and go* l out against his will, and the trip lietween is exceedingly rocky. Tile nil* of contraries is one of the features at

this trip. When he is little, the hi? girls kiss him; when he is big, |ll! little girls kiss him. If he is poor I* is a had manager, if hr is rich, lie # dishonest. If he needs credit, can’t get it; if he is prosperous everyone wants to do him a favor If he is in polities, it’s for greed: 'J he is out of politics, he is no good to his country. If he doesn’t give to charity he is a stingy cuss; if he does it’s for show. If he is actively religious, he is a hypocrite; if he take* no interest in religion he is a hardened sinner. If he gives affection, he >* a soft specimen; if he cares for “ one, he is cold-blooded. If he die* young, there was a future for him'- “ he lives to an old age, he missed b>* calling. If you save money yon r * stingy. If you spend it you're * waster. If you get it you're * schemer. If you don’t get it you n stiff.