THE BUCKET SHOPS

Waipawa Mail, Volume XXVIII, Issue 5245, 11 April 1908, Page 5 (Supplement)

THE BUCKET SHOPS

LONDON NEWSPAPER SATIRE. ) THE COMPLETE CATECHIST, "j THE BUCKET-SHOP PROPRIETOR’S CATECHISM. (For the instruction of those who desire to become proficient in applying the “headH 1 win, tails you lose” principle to speculation it» stocks and shares.) Question: Who are you? } Answer: A Bucket-shop Proprietor. Q.: What is a Bucket-shop Proprietor? - A.: One who, not being a member of the Stock Exchange, nevertheless carries on the profession of a dealer in stocksand shares. Q.: Have you many clients? A.: I have thousands. Q.: Of what classes of persons do your clients chiefly consist? A.: Of country clergymen, unsophisticated maiden ladies, and other inexperienced and bucolic simpletons. Q.: How do you get in touch witl* these persons? A.: By means of flamboyant advertise-

ments in the newspapers. Q.: What is the chief characteristic of your advertisements? A.: The certain promise which I am able to hold out to my clients of doubling their capital for them in less thaa no time.

Q.: Do you confine your advertising exclusively to the press? A.: No; I also publish, and circulate through the post, an Inestimable littlo brochure entitled “The Investor’s Bible; or, How to get Rich Quickly Without Risk.”

Q.: Of what do the contents <of this ln?stimable little brochure mainly con-

A.: Of a number of concrete instances in which clients who began operating: through me with a ten-pound note are now capitalists possessed of a comfortable independence. Q.: Are the names and addresses off those fortunate persons specified? A.: No. 1 Q.: Why not?

A.: Because it would lie obviously improper on my part to disclose my private affairs. Q.: Do the country clergy, unsophisticated maiden ladies, *»ther rural and bucolic simpletons accept ?he*o anonymous instances as gospel? A.: They do. | Q.: How it that? A.: Because it is characteristic of sued* persons to accept as gospel whatever they see in print. Q.: Does it ever strike them as oddl that you should thus employ your unrivalled financial skill for their benefit* when it would obviously pay you better to apply it exclusively to your own advantage? A.: It never strikes them as odd. f Q.: Why is this? ~

A.: Because they are under the hypnotic) influence of two universally potent 6pells* Q.: What are these? \ A.: Cupidity and ignorance. Q.: What is the “Cover” system? i A.: A system under which my client*, by sending a small sum sufficient to cover what are known as differences, am able to command about a hundred times its value in stock. Q.: What usually becomes of thia “cover?” A.: It runs off. f Q.: What do you mean by that? " A.: I mean that the stock depreciates and the margin of cover becomes exhausted. Q.; What steps do you take in that event? A.: I write tc my clients for mom "cover,” so tnat their account may be kept open, and they may not have to forfeit the large and certain profits that will accrue when the impending boon* eventuates. i Q.: Does the Impending boom eventuate? A.: Very rarely. Q.: Then what becomes of the second edition of “cover?” A.: It also runs off. Q.: Whither does it run off? A.: Into my own pocket. Q.: Is there any axiomatic principle governing the relations between bucketshop proprietor and client? A.: Yes. Q.: What is the axiomatic principle? A.: That my gains vary in exact pro«* portion to my clients’ losses. Q.: Are all bucket-shops run on tills*principle? A.: With very few exceptions. Q.: What is the most useful Directory} published? A.: Crockford’s. Q.: What is the most salutary law on the Statute Book? A.: The Gaming Act. —London “Truth.”