Humor Health Aphorisms.

Tuapeka Times, Volume XXIV, Issue 1905, 18 June 1892, Page 2 (Supplement)

Humor Health Aphorisms.

Liquor dealers should avoid doing any thing whioh may have a tendenoy to keep up their spirits.

Never attempt to deceive your doctor. I you tell him to call at a certain time, havhis money ready.

Arsenic is excellent for the face. If take) in sufficient quantities, it never fails U whiten tho complexion.

If you are troubled with life's fitful fever, employ as young a physician as possible. With youth in his favor, he rarely fails to effect a oure.

In the matter of contagious disorders, when you give a disease to a friend it should be borne m mind that it iB more bleßsed to give than to receive, and that the idea of being just before you are generous is a narrow and selfish one.

Drafts should be avoided, particularly Bight drafts. They are bad for tbe eyce. But if heroic treatment becomes necessary, have the grace (three days' graoe) to oheque them without protest.

If yon have a girl— and you probably have— oautiou her against taking cold. At ninepence a dish it may develop into pneumonia, a portemonnaie, or some such unpleasant malady, the inroads of which art often disastrous.

Avoid quacks ; they are of no value. Even in the case of ducks, it is a well-established dietary faot that the quaok is about tbe only part of the bird that ia unfit for food.

Butchers should never allow themselves to be troubled with their liver. In oase they are unable to sell it, they can always give it away. A good healthy liver is a priceless boon,partieularly to boarding-houae keepers, and in more than one instanoe it has been known to save their bacon.

Mutton, as an article of food, is wholesome and nutritious, and may be eaten with impunity and caper sauce. In female seminaries, where the male element is an unknown quantity, side-saddles of mutton only should be used, and oare should be cb served that the youug ladies do not indu!sin too many capers. They are apt to k< • too saucy sometimes.

Out of two hundred and forty thousand domestic servants in London, ten thousand are always out of employment.

Nearly fifty per cent o( the property of England is insured. The coinage of a sovereign ooatß the mini three-farthings.