Trifles Light As Air.

Tuapeka Times, Volume XXIV, Issue 1904, 11 June 1892, Page 1 (Supplement)

Trifles Light As Air.

A stern necessity— A redder. Lost at sea — The sight of land. On his last legs— The kangaroo* Baebees should pay a pole tax. BEiuTT ia the mustard of love. The old " oorner" — Corn whisky. Scientific boxing— Boxing the comptßß, A ghost of a show— The living skeleton. A movement on loot— Chasing a cable ear. Gebmaut is very powerlul on the high seize. | A running account— Report cf a horaa raoe. A sudden inspiration is but & snsese of the mind. Hope is a swing in which we vibrate all our life. An article with some eaap to ii— The whip-lash. It is the runaway horse who lives a hie ol whoa. The maid o' the missed— The girl I left behind me. Eathek loud and brassy— The bell of tha engine room. Audacity i 3 a viaduoi that serves in diOicult passages. To those who are ia need we should alwas i lend — an ear. Mutton often looks sheepish when placsd before company. Pkoti&tiunist : "There's no tariff on knitted brows. We call that man an egotist who is not all the tirao thinking of ns. A Corn palace— Tb.9 protuberance en a man's boot over hia favorite, What length should a lady's dress be ? A little above two ieet. A QUEEKLT-DREssED man is not always a guy. He may be a dis-guysed duke. A young man Cslls hia-girl "Opportunity," because lie so gladly embraces her. Boy (seeing come steamers for the first time) : " See tho locomotives bathing." Women, oats and birds are the creatures that pees the most time at their toilette. "He has an unusual amount of wisdom." "He ought to ha?3 t for he never uses any." Tiuhp: "Aplsoe ot fresh bread I They don't &V 8 that every day. I'll keep it for toj morrow. Thi: experienced man remains cold before [ a woman's tears ua an expert jeweller before I false pearls. EESTiURANT waiter ■ " What will you take, sir?" liaseible parson : "I shall take cold. Shut t that door." Mah is about tho only animal who " draws | ia hid horns" through bis mouth, It 33 not safe for a woman to be in b rowing boat alone, as eho has at best but one skull. When a man takes a oouple of large "horns," no wonder that he gets bulij headed. I An old-fashioned fellow being ehided by hk f wife for eating with his knife, excused himself by saying : " Silver forks areell right ecough for these 1 with whom they agree, but my system requires iron." Husband : "My wife Is past all endurance. Every day she comes to me foi money." Friend : " What, with your simple housekeeping ? It is incomprehensible what iwj does with it." Husband: "Ob. she can't do anything wi; I. it, because I don't give her any." Poseyboy: " I ttll you, Miss Skittish is l! c smartest and prettiest girl in this city. Thu .. are no flies on her." Ponsonby : «• 2To, but I should think the:? • would be." Poaeyboy: "WhyV Ponsonby : " Because she isao sweet.", Tho neat old lady in Penshursfc who scribed through the iloor and fell into the cellar is but one araocg many of fehe very nic-a females with which our country abounds. We know a c°°d lady in Wurrnambool wLo whitewashed all the wood she burnt ; and another, in Geelong, who need three times a day to scour the nose of her lap-dog to keep him from Boiling the plate from which he ate his meals. Susan Nipper, on htarmg that an eminent sculptor was "aS work on a bust/ exclaimed that the eouldn'fc zaz how any men could work wtien he was on a bust. " There's that Sid Walker,' 1 she said, " he's been on a bust ever eincs he had that £5-note paid him, and he ain't good for nothing whatever to work." A vagrant called at a house on a Sunday, and begged for some eider. The lady refused to give him any, and he reminded her of the oft-quoted remark, that she "might entertain an angel unawares." " Yes," eaidsbc, " bat angels don't go about drinking cider on Sundays." Quite Correct.—" Well, farmer : you told us your "wood was a good place for hunting ; now we've tramped through it for three hours, and found no game." " Just sd. Well, I calculate, as a general thing, the less game there i 3, the more hunting you have." "In what condition was the Patriarch Job at the end of his life?" asked a Camden Sunday-Echool teacher of a quiet-looking boy at the foot of the class. "Doad," calmly replied the calm-looking boy. Street fakir ; " Shoe-strings, sir ; chocBtrin r >a I" Mcllarry : " Can't you see that I'm wearing buttoned-shoes?" Street fakir; "Yes, sir; that's why I thought rnajba your laced onea were at home without strings." Dry-goods dealer (politely, to customer who has inadu a purchase) : " Won't yon sit down, sir, while wailing for your package ?" Castomer: "Well, I have been sitting down more or less. Haven't you got a bed handy so that-I can lie down?" All Irish journalsays ; "The following bill was presented by a farrier to a gentleman in this town : 11 « To curing yoa pony that died, £lle.' :) Eepentance will, in time, remove the stains cf sin ; but alas ! to remove the stains from silk dreseee the only thiDg left us is to dye. Ifbyou "boast thai you are going to take the bull by the home, be careful that he doean t take you on them. A coquette is a box of snuff from whish every lover takes a pmch. Her husband gets the boz — "on the ear. To cut off a aog s tail will not interfere with his carriage, but it will effectually etop bis waggia'. Why is a wise man like a pin? Because he has got a good head, and comes to a point. Music has barrel organs to make eavsgo the calmest breast. <'■ '* Poob old Donaldßoniell down and broke the trestle of his nose." " Don't you mean the bridge?" "You might oaU it a bridge, but aa do water passes under it I thought the other word better."