BY THE WAY.

Star (Christchurch), Volume LXVI, Issue 20233, 17 February 1934, Page 9

BY THE WAY.

Some Collections and Reflections. BY ONE OF THE BOYS. New York’s “ First Family,” the Cohens, caused many of the Smiths to give way to despair last month, when the latest issue of the New York telephone directory came out. The Cohens had eighteen columns to their credit in the directory, and the Smiths, usually pressing hard, were a bad second with only sixteen. The Joneses and the Kellys were next, with only a half-column separating their telephone prestige. Smith is opposed to the Douglas Credit Scheme and Brown has bank shares too. Professor Speight has discovered that the glaciers in Wesland are advancing at the rate of two feet a year. It ought to be a good race between a glacier and better times. According to a country correspondent there is quite a rush by people anxious to get back into the country. We have noticed it ourselves after six o’clock on Wednesday evenings. A lot of talk goes on about protecting poor people from having large families. The speakers have got it wrong. Poor people have large families, but they were not poor until they had them. The class was at Marmion. The teacher read: “Not far advanced was morning day, When Marmion did his troops array To Surrey’s camp to ride. He held safe conduct for his band, Beneath the royal seal hand, And Douglas gave a guide.” “ Now Tommy, what does that mean?” the teacher asked. “It means,” said Tommy, whose father wore a green shirt, “ That Major , Douglas explained his credit scheme.” Of course we know that things are are not too good at all. Last night we were wandering home, and alongside Captain Cook’s statue we stopped to cool our fevered brow against the cold stonework. Looking up it appeared that Captain Cook winked. Most ’strordinary. After all the Captain was a sailor and fond of a rum himself. “ Captain,” I said, “ did you discover New Zealand?” The Captain shook his head so emphatically it looked as though it would fall off. “ No,” he thundered. “ The blame is on Abel Tasman.” “ I see the bowling centre will not allow" any women in their matches,” I remarked to Ham. “ What of it?” Ham enquired. “ Well,” I replied, “it proves that women are not going to have it all their own way. They will be pirt where they belong—in their homes. No more will they do as they like.” “ I’m not convinced,” said Ham. “ But, don’t you see,” I told him. “ Here we have the men, the lords of the universe, telling the women what they shall do.” “ Yes,” said Ham, “ and who told those bowling officials what to say? Their wives.” “ I returned from Hanmer to-day,” said Hezaliah Brown to me this morning as he took his seat in the Sumner tram. “ Hanmer is Canterbury’s health resort. It’s the sulphur springs. You bathe in ’em, drink ’em, and smell ’em. There is a scheme to freeze ’em, so that vou can chew ’em too. Exercise and bathing is the cure. The exercise is important. You go to the tea kiosk and buy a ticket. A short brisk walk takes you to the central office where you exhange the ticket for a towel. Another brisk walk and you get to the bath house. Show the towel and the attendant admits you. You bathe there in the altogether—it’s interesting to a student of Darwin. There is no doubt that man descended from the tree tops and some of them have not been down long.”