BY THE WAY.

Star (Christchurch), Volume XLIV, Issue 145, 20 June 1931, Page 9

BY THE WAY.

SOME COLLECTIONS AND REFLECTIONS. (By One of the Boys.) To-morrow is supposed to be . the shortest day, but the last two Fridays would take a lot of beating. Mr James Deans, president of the New Zealand Forestry League, gave a lecture from 3YA on “ Private Planting.” No flowers, by request. Lock and Ward took most of the New Zealand wickets in the first innings against Minor Counties. They were the key bowlers. Discussing the Western-Kaiapoi match, our Soccer scribe said the town team (meaning Western) should win. Up till then Kaiapoi thought theirs was a town team. Since the wage reduction Brown shaves himself. Every morning he turns up at the office with a gash or two. lie calls them the 10 per cent cuts. After reading the chairman of the Bank of New Zealand’s address, it appears there is nothing else for us to do but to work hard and go without or—have a few bank shares. The weather report says, “ Cold night temperatures." This is considered a safe prophecy. lie could have gone further and hazarded cold temperatures for the next month, milder weather in September and a hot spell in January. The Methodist Joint Committee states that it is unaware of any function that women parsons could not fulfil. Well! Listen. There is a lady parson in New Zealand and we will call her Mrs Brown. On the church notice board it reads: “ Rev Brown, Minister.” Old Bill read the notice and called at the home. He has an oily tongue, has Bill, and as a cadger he seldom gets left. Mrs Brown came to the door and Bill touched his cap. “ I suppose you haven’t a pair of the minister’s old pants that you could ” That’s as far as he got. The door banged. We read yesterday that a man had taken kerosene by mistake. My conscience gives a twinge; I really must confess I’ve often had a binge And gallons more or less Have passed my arid throat— Enough to sink a boat. My head has often whirled, My feet have strayed in doubt And pinkish snakes have curled The table legs about. It really took the cake! But never have I been So drunk that I have seen A glass of kerosene And gulped it by mistake. Mr William Watson, chairman of the Bank of New Zealand, has referred to the possibility of a reduction in interest charges. There will certainly be no reduction of interest in the possibility. An ex-flight commander and a lieutenant in the Royal Air Force have been conducting an acrimonious correspondence over a tehcnical matter. This, of course, is only natural. As we remember it, a commander has two wings on his tunic, while the lieutenant has only one. That would indicate a difference of a pinion. If you would be a great M.P. Then put some honey in your tea. There was a time when Sullivan Was just a man—an also-ran. Two iumps of sugar in his cup, And life was down and never up, Then he put honey in his tea, And great is Dan, ah ! great is he. Now Hayward, missing Mayor, was wroth, And Andrews failed at Christchurch North; Lyons lost Lyttelton, what fuss, M’Cully, too, he missed the bus. But now they know, they constantly Are putting honey in their tea, And when the next elections come.

There’ll be some honeyed words, by gum! v Non-honey drinkers they will beat. *For women-folk, they like ’em sweet.

“Women,” said Ham, as he handed me my pie, “ spoil everything. They are the spoke in the wheel, the wet blanket, the fly in the beer. They hinder, they clog, they mar everything. Take those harriers. Was there ever a better idea? Young men, their breath and legs coming in short pants, would run all over the countryside, gathering health and pleasure in harmless recreation and would be doing so still but for the great despoiler, Woman. She would not let them be. Took to asking them to afternoon tea and now . My boy belongs to them and the first sign of the change came when his mother found him plucking the tigly hairs off his shins and peroxiding the others. That would not have been so bad, but he tells me some chaps cut themselves terribly shaving them every Friday night. Now he has taken to powdering his knees and won’t run fast because the sweat takes it off.”

“A man will *do anything to please a woman,” I said.

“ But fancy shaving their legs and chest. Man should be natural. Let the women adorn themselves. Man, proud man, should be content the way God made him.”

I looked at Ilam. There was blood on his chin. I called his attention to it. He felt for his handkerchief.

“ I must have cut myself shaving, he said.